Hearing aids are medical devices, falling into the same category as wheelchairs, canes, and other adaptive equipment that helps individuals engage more fully with the world around them. But too often, people don't give this equipment the respect it requires.
Disabled people's adaptive tools get lost or broken by people who decide to treat them like toys.
Replacing misused equipment costs thousands of dollars.
A teen with a hearing loss turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after his older sister decided to play with his medical devices.
MotorCod1846 asked:
"AITA for kicking my sister out of my room because she broke my hearing aids?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Uh, hello! here's the background: I'm 17(male) and I recently got hearing aids cuz my hearing is degrading. My sister (21, female) came back home for the summer, she sleeps on an air mattress in my room."
"Her old room is being used by my Uncle. He moved to the US and needed a place to stay for a while."
"We never told her about the hearing aids, so it was a shock to her. She continually stared at my hearing aids and took them while I was showering without permission. I've told her to stop multiple times already."
"Yesterday was her birthday and our family went all out for it. She invited all her childhood friends to celebrate."
"I barely slept the night before because I was playing games with my friends until 7 am, maybe 8. I didn't feel tired until 11ish. Yes, I know how dumb it looks now that I'm typing it."
"I didn't really know when the party began, so I thought 4 PM would most likely be the time it began. I thought I could squeeze in a quick, 3-4 hour nap before getting ready for the party."
"I ended up waking up at 3 PM, and with my blurry vision, saw my sister and her friends scurry away from my room. It instantly woke me up because I was, and still am, embarrassed at people watching me sleep."
"It didn't take me long to realize that the party already started. I took a bath and I was about to pick up my hearing aids from the table until I realized they weren't there."
"I thought, 'Huh, that's strange, I swear I put them-' I look at the ground and I see my hearing aids on the opposite side of the table and they were broken."
"I didn't know what to do, so I just stayed in my room until the party was over. Maybe a good 3 hours passed and my sister came in. I didn't even know she was in the room until she tapped my shoulder."
"She apologized for breaking my hearing aids. She said that her friends wanted to see me because it's been a while, so she took them to my room and also showed them my hearing aids."
"In her words, they slipped, and she caught them by slamming them to the edge of the table (how does one slam the thing they're trying to catch against the edge of the table to catch it??) I couldn't hear most of when she was saying, so 90% of the stuff spoken was 'HUH?'."
"She began to beg and even said she'll buy me new ones in 2~ weeks. I crashed out right there and told her that from the day she walked back into the house, I told her not to touch them, especially when I was sleeping."
"Not only did she not listen, she brought her friends to my room while I was sleeping, took my hearing aids out of the case to show her friends, and ended up breaking them. I took her air mattress and put it in the living room. I think she tried to defend herself, but again, I could barely hear sh*t."
"One thing I did manage to make out was her saying I'm being an a**hole now and taking things too far. That she could easily buy a new pair when she gets her paycheck in 2 weeks, and that's the reason I'm making this long post, because I'm afraid I could have taken things a bit too far."
"My parents were downstairs the entire time with the guests. They were completely on my side."
"My dad laughed when I told him she said she could buy a new pair in two weeks. My dad told her my hearing aids were around 4k and she just stayed silent."
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"I threw my sister's air mattress outside my room because she fiddled with and broke my hearing aids despite the fact that I told her not to touch them multiple times. I think I went too far because she agreed to buy a new pair in 2 weeks."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"I had to double-check that your sister is 21 and not 2. A toddler might break hearing aids because they don’t know better."
"But a 21-year-old woman brought other grown a** adults to your bedroom, took your hearing aids out of their protective case for what purpose? Were they trying them on? Did they think they were toys?"
"That's the most ignorant, idiotic thing I've heard of someone doing for quite some time. If my grown child did that, I'd kick them out for being a hazard to the rest of the household. Does she steal people's wheelchairs so she can take them for rides? Your sister is a moron. NTA." ~ MohawMais
"It sounds like she thinks they aren't any different from earbuds." ~ crashcanuck
"I’m sorry she damaged your property, OP. I think all of us would’ve reacted the same way, she already knew not to touch them but she did it anyway. She sounds really immature and needs to grow up." ~ Gloomy_Aspect_910
"NTA, and that was not an accident. She stole your hearing, your ability to hear. That’s beyond messed up on a whole level beyond being an a-hole." ~ The_Bunny_Brat
"NTA at all. I don’t know how cheap hearing aids are where you live but mine were very, very expensive at $9k. Your sister is in for a nasty shock when she finds out how much she owes you." ~ High_King_Diablo
"My question is... why is a 21-year-old acting like a toddler?" ~ Careless-Opinion7302
"You think a 21-year-old being immature and irresponsible is weird?"
"As someone old enough to have kids that age, I can assure you that while it's still no excuse, someone that age being ignorant, irresponsible, and childish is not at all unusual." ~ Sorry_I_Guess
"NTA. You were clear in what was required. She ignored you on every level."
"Wait until she sees how expensive good hearing aids are out of pocket..." ~ Think_Substance_1790
"NTA. You told her not to mess with one of your senses. She did. She stole your ability to hear for no good reason. Imagine if you suddenly took away glasses that let her see what she was doing and told her 'Chill out, I'll replace them in two weeks.' She's in the wrong, but I'm sure she won't hear that." ~ Shadeslayer738
"NTA. She ignored your boundaries, took your hearing aids without permission, and broke them. Hearing aids are medical devices, not something to show off to friends." ~ bestyoucanthinkof1
"And then to say, 'No big deal, I'll replace your ability to hear in a few weeks, calm down'." ~ the-mortyest-morty
"My hearing aids are surprisingly sturdy...I mean, if I stepped on them or slammed something on them like a book, they'd break, sure, but I've accidentally sat on them, lost them in my bed when I fell asleep with them on and they fell between the crack and the wall, etc..."
"So I'm suspicious of the sister's story of how she 'accidentally' broke them...it takes effort. They're not like glasses."
"They're made of material that is MEANT to be able to handle day-to-day shenanigans! Someone suggested she may have actually been trying to take them apart or passing them around to try them on with her friends, although signs point more toward her intentionally breaking them." ~ maydsilee
"NTA. That story would make a lot more sense if she were 6 years old, not 21. Also, she brought in friends while you were asleep while she messed with the hearing aids you'd already asked her not to? I'd be furious, this is all such demented behaviour." ~ Vegetable_Rise7318
"NTA. There is literally no reason for her touch your hearing aids at all, and it’s bizarre and immature behavior for her to take them out of their case for her friends. If she can’t respect your health or medical equipment, then she shouldn’t be in your room, or probably house, at all. She stole your ability to hear!" ~ BlackCatBonanza
The OP added a small update:
"My dad said he'd look into buying new ones later today (it's 5 am right now)."
Medical devices such as wheelchairs, crutches, hearing aids, and eyeglasses enable people with disabling conditions to function more fully. They are usually very expensive.
OP's sister should pay for the new hearing aids, but OP shouldn't have to wait until she can afford a new pair before he gets them.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp