Not all relationships are destined to last forever, and they honestly can end for any number of reasons.
But usually, the deal-breaker isn't the only thing that ended the relationship; it was just the final straw, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor CricketEasy2475 was a nursing student who frequently worked 12-hour shifts and still came home to cook dinner for herself and her boyfriend. During a particularly rough week, when she was anticipating a difficult shift ahead, she purchased a treat to enjoy and make herself feel better after a long day.
When her boyfriend ate the treat after she said she was saving it, and then demanded she apologize to him for being upset with him, the Original Poster (OP) felt her feelings for her boyfriend totally shift.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting by breaking up with my boyfriend because of an argument about chocolate liquorice?"
The OP purchased a treat for herself to enjoy after a long work shift.
"My boyfriend (28 Male) and I (26 Female) have been dating for one and a half years now."
"We have moved in together and have met each other's parents."
"Two days ago, when I was grocery shopping, I saw a bar of chocolate-stuffed red liquorice and thought, 'Yum, I'll get that for after work' (I am a nursing student and work 12-hour shifts), so I bought it."
"When unpacking groceries, my boyfriend saw it, and I specifically told him, 'Please do not eat this; this is for me after work tomorrow,' and he raised an eyebrow and nodded in response."
The OP's boyfriend did not listen.
"Cut to after work yesterday: I was exhausted. I came home from work and opened the cupboard to find an empty wrapper of the liquorice bar I was prepared to engulf."
"Normally, I would be a little mad but overall be fine, but I had just had the worst shift ever, so I was feeling ultra upset."
"I turned around to find him looking at me from the couch, snickering."
"I sighed and told him that I asked him not to eat it."
"He (still laughing) joked that maybe I should buy black liquorice next time because he prefers it."
"That is what tipped me over the edge. I started to get mad at him and told him that it wasn't funny and I was really looking forward to it."
"He laughed at me and said, 'It wasn't that big of a deal.'"
"I stated that if he wanted to eat sweets, he could have asked me to buy him some or get in his car and buy some himself."
"That was when he realized that I was genuinely p**sed and started to shut me down to 'fix' the argument. I left in a huff and started to make dinner for us both without talking to him."
"We didn't talk for a while, until a bit after dinner, he said, 'Come on, you have to admit it was pretty funny.'"
"I told him that I didn't personally find it funny and had a really rough shift and was really looking forward to it."
"He said, 'Okay, I get that, but you overreacted a little, and I didn't like it when you yelled.'"
"I would like to state that I did not yell just got a little huffed, so I responded that I didn't like that he didn't listen to me when I told him this, and it made me upset."
"In response, he asked if I was on my period."
The relationship was over for the OP.
"That was the last straw. I got up to leave, and he called out to me with something I did not hear, and I left the house."
"He tried to call me three times, and when I finally picked up, he asked for an apology, and said that I was being childish and couldn't take a joke, so I hung up and texted him that I wanted to break up with him."
"He said no. So I broke up with him anyway."
"I know it was over something so small as liquorice, but it just changed my view of him, and I was over it."
"Most of my friends said that I went over the top and should give him another chance, but they are not people who work 12-hour shifts. So I don't know."
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she had every right to be upset about her ex-boyfriend's actions.
"NOR. He doesn’t respect you, and a candy bar now is small, but in the future, it would’ve been something big." - Bigdongdan444
"You are NOR. This guy purposely ate something you wanted and left the empty wrapper. (What a knee-slapper.)"
"Then he was disrespectful when you tried to resolve it and dismissive of your feelings. (Hilarious!)"
"This shows you how much he respects you and how things will be resolved in the future." - lobr6
"It wasn't about licorice. It was about disrespect."
"But also, why the f**k are you cooking after a 12-hour shift? His lazy a** couldn't make you some dinner? Even a freezer meal or takeout?"
"Nothing of value was lost, dear. Find your own place and have someone help you move all your crap into it. Block him everywhere and don't communicate with him any further." - SuburbaniteMermaid
"He's sitting on the couch snickering about his 'funny joke' while she makes dinner after she worked 12 hours? F**k that."
"And what was funny about it anyways? He knew she wasn't going to start laughing with him and agree that it was a funny joke."
"I hate him. NOR." - klb979
"To be honest, if I were her and saw him laughing, I’d get right up in his face, and without stopping, wide-eyed and loud, just 'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.'"
"And if he gets freaked out, I'd just go, 'What? You said it was a joke! It’s supposed to be funny, right?' and just continue HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA' in his face."
"And if he tried to say I was crazy or something like that, I'd be like, 'Huh! Must be sleep deprivation from the 12-HOUR SHIFT I just worked, and now I'm here cooking for YOUR LAZY A**, and don't even have the sweetest of a sugar spike to lean back on! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.'"
"But I’m a petty b***h, sooo... NOR." - Garbagepile_
Others agreed and pointed out that the candy bar was just one sign of a bad relationship.
"I'm guessing the candy bar was simply the straw that broke the camel's back. If you really look back, your relationship was probably peppered with inconsiderate actions like this, followed by dismissal. Block him and be happy." - writing_mm_romance
"NOR. What he did was intentionally try to hurt you and then gaslight you about it. Good for you for leaving; he clearly doesn’t care about you at all and is a real a**hole."
"You under-reacted if you ask me. I would have made him leave and get me a replacement immediately, and I definitely wouldn’t have made him dinner." - -Quaint-
"It would be 'just a joke' if he ate the one the OP bought and then pulled out a larger size of the same candy bar and gave it to her after she saw the empty wrapper. That could be kind of cute. Not whatever bulls**t this was."
"He didn't do it because he forgot or he smoked some weed and had the munchies. He did it deliberately to provoke and control."
"He didn't like her telling him, the MAN, not to do something. He wanted to show her who was in charge, which is why he continued down the path of trying to get her to apologize."
"He never thought she would break up with him. His little 'joke' backfired big time." - MeganMess
"NOR. You’ve made the wisest decision to leave this relationship."
"Settle the lease with the landlord. Collect your things when he’s at work and/or tell him to not be there when you come (though I'd go with the first option, because I'm sure he'll lie and be there after saying he wouldn't be)."
"TAKE FRIENDS OR FAMILY WITH YOU just in case he doesn’t leave. You’re not there to talk, you're there to collect, and they can ensure that happens."
"Do not meet with him. He’ll be full of excuses and lies and will guilt you in any way he can to make you come back and (shudder) apologize to HIM."
"No more contact other than texts that you’re getting your stuff. Turn your key in to the landlord, not him, if your name is on the lease." - MizPeachyKeen
"NOR. He had so many opportunities to realize he made a mistake and attempt to fix it. Every time he talked to you, he belittled you and made you feel bad, and he made no attempt to empathize with how you were feeling."
"Something tells me this probably wasn’t the only issue you’ve ever had, and even if it was, it certainly wouldn’t have been the last and probably would not have gotten better."
"Bet you he’s gonna go around telling everyone you broke up with him because he ate your licorice, though. You'll unfortunately have to make your peace with that." - so-scarlet-it-was
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update, clearly relieved by the subReddit's responses.
"Thank you all for your kind words and reassurance I was truly feeling horrible all night, thinking that I was going crazy and it was all my fault."
"But you guys made your comments, and I started to realize that maybe he isn't the 'best boyfriend in the world.'"
"For example, a lot of you were hung up on the fact that I made him dinner, and I didn't even realize that was a problem, because I make him dinner every single night because he doesn't like to cook and pays for everything, so it was basically his right to never cook. I've always thought that was normal, but now I realize it was not, in fact, a normal relationship thing."
"Another thing he would do was make jokes whenever I would come home from my long shifts. I don't know; I think he just thought it was funny, but what he would do is constantly comment on my appearance when I come home."
"For example, one night I came home after like a 10-hour shift, and I was quite exhausted, and you could see it on my face. When I came home, he rushed to me with a grin on his face, feigned leaning in for a kiss, then acted shocked and told me if I wanted a kiss, I had to reapply some makeup first."
"So, looking back on that, they don't seem to be just funny little characteristics of his but genuine deal-breakers."
"He asked me if we could talk face to face, and I told him no because I didn't want to face him for fear that I would break."
"So anyway, I am now sorting out the lease and thinking of moving in with a friend who backed me for a temporary stay before I can understand what I want to do from now on."
"Thank you all for responding; you have genuinely done more for me than you can understand."
It wouldn't be surprising at all to learn that the ex-boyfriend went around and told people that the OP broke up with him over a candy bar, but to the subReddit, it was much deeper than that.
As the OP confirmed in her update, there had been little red-flag moments like this throughout their relationship, and they were entirely indicative of the ex-boyfriend's lack of respect and the prioritization of his needs over the OP's, every single time.
Maybe the chocolate-filled licorice bar was the final straw, but it certainly wasn't the first offense.
