When a couple decides to have a wedding, that means that they want to spend the day celebrating their commitment with their nearest and dearest.
While it is a day about togetherness, how the day is celebrated should be up to the happy couple, and no one else.
That sadly doesn't stop people from sharing their opinions of how things should be done.
Or, in some extreme cases, how things WILL be done.
Redditor rhed99 was soon to be married.
Much to their surprise, the original poster (OP)'s father announced that he would be participating in the wedding in an unexpected way.
While the OP flatly refused to allow this to happen, they found themselves not only met with deaf ears, but was even accused of being "possessed".
Wondering if this was actually the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not allowing any other family event on my wedding?"
The OP explained why their family accused them of being "possessed" over what they wouldn't allow to happen at their wedding:
'My wedding is coming up soon and when we were first discussing it with my immediate family (2 parents and 7kids) my parents dropped a bomb on me and said that they're negotiating with the pastor for my dad to be ordained as pastor during my wedding."
"I made it clear that I don't want it that my wedding should be just about me."
"My sister too backed me up and said that the day is mine that dad's ordination can be on another day."
"Mom kept bringing it up casually and I kept saying no to it but she'd just shut me up by saying that I should be the one to say no to dad myself."
"It is now a month to my wedding and they brought up that we'll not just be celebrating my wedding but also the ordination of one of my brothers to become a deacon."
"I was genuinely shocked as this was never discussed with me."
"I still said I don't want it during my wedding that it can happen before my wedding starts or a day before but they specifically want it during the wedding when I'm changing."
"Needless to say, they started guilt tripping me by saying that I'm possessed that I should be careful of spiritual attacks not wanting my brother ordained during my wedding that I should be wary of the voices whispering to me."
"This was said about me and my sisters as we're all on the same side."
"They went as far as to say that I should tell them that it's my hall I rent that I don't want them to use it and one of my brothers chipped in to say he's disappointed at us that why are we treating it like it's a stranger."
"My dad then said 'whether you like it or not, it will happen'."
"I'm really exhausted!"
"They might as well do what they want."
"Why seek an opinion from 'a spiritually possessed person'."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community vehemently agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow their father and brother to be ordained during their wedding.
Everyone agreed that not only was the behavior of the OP's father and brother anything but Christian, but that the OP should not only forbid them from being ordained at their wedding, but also forbid them from attending at all:
"NTA, but people who regard a refusal to let your dad and brothers showboat their way through your wedding as a symptom of a 'spiritual attack' are not people who are going to listen to reason."- Otherwise_Turnip7135
"Wow, so your parents and brother uninvited themselves from your wedding."
"NTA."- ActuallyYulliah
"NTA."
"Considering these people are going to be men of the cloth, they should be more considerate of you."
"You need to shut this down!"
"Security, alert the venue, disinvite them, disinvite whoever is performing their ceremony, something."
"This is your family, and they are behaving horribly."- CatsMom4Ever
"NTA."
"Tell them 'the voices whisper to me that you are no longer invited to MY wedding. And I agree with them. Don't come. You can get ordained in another place the same day'."- Trevena_Ice
"NTA."
"Wild that the men you are related to are so selfish they can't let their daughter/sister have a day of attention."
"They have to find a way to make it about themselves."- Impressive_Moment786
"What stupid congregation allows that?"
"I may be too much of a Lutheran. But deacons and pastors are ordained by the Bishop at a special event."
"Twice a year.'
"To me the entire idea of ordained them on a wedding sounds like "got their pasto and deacon certificate from corn flakes packet". You happily should tell them that."
"Also tell them that I, as a Christian, never would trust church officials that tried to have a pastor /deacon ceremony at the same time as a wedding."
"It is not nice."
It is making every person's ceremony worse."
"A wedding should be celebrated as a wedding."
"And an ordination as an ordination."
"Two very different ceremonies that should not be combined."
"NTA."- avdpos
'It's your wedding; you should be able to have the event for that."
"NTA."
"Since they've told you in advance that it'll happen whether you want it to or not, then you've got the warning to go ahead and uninvite them."
"That way, they can have any celebration they like on their own."- ColumnK
"NTA."
"I respect religion and people's rights to it, but their right to swing their fist ends at your face."
"Telling you that saying no means you're possessed is religious abuse."
"You have a right to your own special day."
"It might be ultimatum time."
"'This day is just for my wedding. Either agree to that or you are not welcome at my wedding'."
"And follow through."
"The threat can't be empty."- Keyguardactive
"NTA, not even close."
"I'd reconsider even inviting these people."
"They don't care about what you or what you want."
"They're even going as far as telling you you're 'possessed' because you are pushing back against what they want."
"If you let them come, they are going to steamroll over your wishes."- ArcanaCat13
"You're NTA. What in the world are they thinking? It's a wedding; it's not time for everyone else to be the center of attention, and also saying you're possessed cause u don't bend over backward for them. Of course, they use 'I'm disappointed in you' as a weapon."
"Wonder how they'd react if you said, 'I'm disappointed in you for the fact you don't care that I put boundaries on my day, that you disrespect my boundaries, and gaslight me.' They are being selfish and disrespectful and using ' possessed in their attack against you."
"They don't know at all."
"I rebuke their words over you."- kaytiejay25
"NTA."
"Talk to your pastor and cut this off at the source."- Sami_George
"NTA."
"And id talk to the priest about how selfish the family is being or if you should change churches."- Em0N3rd
"NTA."
"Your family is crazy, sorry about that."
"Good news is they won’t be your immediate family for much longer; they’ll be downgraded to extended, and your husband will take that place."
"Go and speak to your pastor and tell him that you don’t want any of this to happen."
"He should listen to you as it’s your day."
"Get your spouse, and even his parents if necessary, to back you up on this."
"If he doesn’t listen or takes their side, then I’d suggest you consider postponing the wedding and look for an alternative venue, where what you want will be respected."
"If you aren’t as religiously fanatic as the rest of your family, you may also want to take getting married as your opportunity to scale back their involvement in your life, especially if you plan to have children and don’t want them being called the devil any time they don’t meet the family expectations."- MrsSEM84
"NTA."
"Your family is treating your wedding like a convenient venue for everyone else’s milestones."
"Your dad’s ordination and your brother becoming a deacon can happen literally any other day."
The 'spiritual attack' nonsense is just guilt-tripping because you said no."
"Your wedding, your boundary."
"Your rules."
"And just for laughs, have an upside-down cross and a pentagram at your wedding."- HeyItsRoxie
Weddings and ordinations are both days where those being honored should rightfully be the center of attention.
Leaving one to wonder why the OP's father and brother would even want to have their ordinations on the same day as the OP's. wedding.
It seems pretty clear that they weren't thinking of the bigger picture.
In fact, it seems that they were only thinking of themselves...
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.