When a couple decides to have a wedding, that means that they want to spend the day celebrating their commitment with their nearest and dearest.
While it is a day about togetherness, how the day is celebrated should be up to the happy couple, and no one else.
That sadly doesn't stop people from sharing their opinions of how things should be done.
Or, in some extreme cases, how things WILL be done.
Redditor rhed99 was soon to be married.
Much to their surprise, the original poster (OP)'s father announced that he would be participating in the wedding in an unexpected way.
While the OP flatly refused to allow this to happen, they found themselves not only met with deaf ears, but was even accused of being "possessed".
Wondering if this was actually the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not allowing any other family event on my wedding?"
The OP explained why their family accused them of being "possessed" over what they wouldn't allow to happen at their wedding:
'My wedding is coming up soon and when we were first discussing it with my immediate family (2 parents and 7kids) my parents dropped a bomb on me and said that they're negotiating with the pastor for my dad to be ordained as pastor during my wedding."
"I made it clear that I don't want it that my wedding should be just about me."
"My sister too backed me up and said that the day is mine that dad's ordination can be on another day."
"Mom kept bringing it up casually and I kept saying no to it but she'd just shut me up by saying that I should be the one to say no to dad myself."
"It is now a month to my wedding and they brought up that we'll not just be celebrating my wedding but also the ordination of one of my brothers to become a deacon."
"I was genuinely shocked as this was never discussed with me."
"I still said I don't want it during my wedding that it can happen before my wedding starts or a day before but they specifically want it during the wedding when I'm changing."
"Needless to say, they started guilt tripping me by saying that I'm possessed that I should be careful of spiritual attacks not wanting my brother ordained during my wedding that I should be wary of the voices whispering to me."
"This was said about me and my sisters as we're all on the same side."
"They went as far as to say that I should tell them that it's my hall I rent that I don't want them to use it and one of my brothers chipped in to say he's disappointed at us that why are we treating it like it's a stranger."
"My dad then said 'whether you like it or not, it will happen'."
"I'm really exhausted!"
"They might as well do what they want."
"Why seek an opinion from 'a spiritually possessed person'."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community vehemently agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow their father and brother to be ordained during their wedding.
Everyone agreed that not only was the behavior of the OP's father and brother anything but Christian, but that the OP should not only forbid them from being ordained at their wedding, but also forbid them from attending at all:
"NTA, but people who regard a refusal to let your dad and brothers showboat their way through your wedding as a symptom of a 'spiritual attack' are not people who are going to listen to reason."- Otherwise_Turnip7135
"Wow, so your parents and brother uninvited themselves from your wedding."
"NTA."- ActuallyYulliah
"NTA."
"Considering these people are going to be men of the cloth, they should be more considerate of you."
"You need to shut this down!"
"Security, alert the venue, disinvite them, disinvite whoever is performing their ceremony, something."
"This is your family, and they are behaving horribly."- CatsMom4Ever
"NTA."
"Tell them 'the voices whisper to me that you are no longer invited to MY wedding. And I agree with them. Don't come. You can get ordained in another place the same day'."- Trevena_Ice
"NTA."
"Wild that the men you are related to are so selfish they can't let their daughter/sister have a day of attention."
"They have to find a way to make it about themselves."- Impressive_Moment786
"What stupid congregation allows that?"
"I may be too much of a Lutheran. But deacons and pastors are ordained by the Bishop at a special event."
"Twice a year.'
"To me the entire idea of ordained them on a wedding sounds like "got their pasto and deacon certificate from corn flakes packet". You happily should tell them that."
"Also tell them that I, as a Christian, never would trust church officials that tried to have a pastor /deacon ceremony at the same time as a wedding."
"It is not nice."
It is making every person's ceremony worse."
"A wedding should be celebrated as a wedding."
"And an ordination as an ordination."
"Two very different ceremonies that should not be combined."
"NTA."- avdpos
'It's your wedding; you should be able to have the event for that."
"NTA."
"Since they've told you in advance that it'll happen whether you want it to or not, then you've got the warning to go ahead and uninvite them."
"That way, they can have any celebration they like on their own."- ColumnK
"NTA."
"I respect religion and people's rights to it, but their right to swing their fist ends at your face."
"Telling you that saying no means you're possessed is religious abuse."
"You have a right to your own special day."
"It might be ultimatum time."
"'This day is just for my wedding. Either agree to that or you are not welcome at my wedding'."
"And follow through."
"The threat can't be empty."- Keyguardactive
"NTA, not even close."
"I'd reconsider even inviting these people."
"They don't care about what you or what you want."
"They're even going as far as telling you you're 'possessed' because you are pushing back against what they want."
"If you let them come, they are going to steamroll over your wishes."- ArcanaCat13
"You're NTA. What in the world are they thinking? It's a wedding; it's not time for everyone else to be the center of attention, and also saying you're possessed cause u don't bend over backward for them. Of course, they use 'I'm disappointed in you' as a weapon."
"Wonder how they'd react if you said, 'I'm disappointed in you for the fact you don't care that I put boundaries on my day, that you disrespect my boundaries, and gaslight me.' They are being selfish and disrespectful and using ' possessed in their attack against you."
"They don't know at all."
"I rebuke their words over you."- kaytiejay25
"NTA."
"Talk to your pastor and cut this off at the source."- Sami_George
"NTA."
"And id talk to the priest about how selfish the family is being or if you should change churches."- Em0N3rd
"NTA."
"Your family is crazy, sorry about that."
"Good news is they won’t be your immediate family for much longer; they’ll be downgraded to extended, and your husband will take that place."
"Go and speak to your pastor and tell him that you don’t want any of this to happen."
"He should listen to you as it’s your day."
"Get your spouse, and even his parents if necessary, to back you up on this."
"If he doesn’t listen or takes their side, then I’d suggest you consider postponing the wedding and look for an alternative venue, where what you want will be respected."
"If you aren’t as religiously fanatic as the rest of your family, you may also want to take getting married as your opportunity to scale back their involvement in your life, especially if you plan to have children and don’t want them being called the devil any time they don’t meet the family expectations."- MrsSEM84
"NTA."
"Your family is treating your wedding like a convenient venue for everyone else’s milestones."
"Your dad’s ordination and your brother becoming a deacon can happen literally any other day."
The 'spiritual attack' nonsense is just guilt-tripping because you said no."
"Your wedding, your boundary."
"Your rules."
"And just for laughs, have an upside-down cross and a pentagram at your wedding."- HeyItsRoxie
Weddings and ordinations are both days where those being honored should rightfully be the center of attention.
Leaving one to wonder why the OP's father and brother would even want to have their ordinations on the same day as the OP's. wedding.
It seems pretty clear that they weren't thinking of the bigger picture.
In fact, it seems that they were only thinking of themselves...
Humiliated Redditor Ditches Friend's Birthday After She Publicly Mocks Them In Front Of Everyone
Fake people tend to show their true colors during pivotal moments, like weddings and major celebrations.
But when they want an audience to hurt someone else, it takes total sense that they would be called out in front of everyone, as agreed by members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit.
Redditor HollyyGinger went to their close friend's birthday party, expecting to have a good time and celebrate their loved one's special day.
But when their close friend made several mocking comments about them, and the party laughed along with them, the Original Poster (OP) took that as an indication of the state of their friendship and left the birthday party early.
They asked the sub:
The OP was excited to celebrate their close friend's birthday.
"One of my close friends had a birthday dinner last weekend, and I was genuinely excited to go."
"I helped her organize a few things beforehand, bought her a gift, and even rearranged some plans because I wanted to be there for her."
But the birthday dinner did not go at all how the OP expected.
"During dinner, though, she started making little jokes about me in front of everyone."
"At first, I laughed along because I didn't want to make things awkward on her birthday."
"But she kept going. She joked about dating life, brought up an embarrassing story I had told her privately, and made another comment about how I'm ''way too sensitive' sometimes."
"People were laughing, and I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but honestly, I felt pretty humiliated."
The OP tried to ask their friend to change the direction of the rest of the party.
"I quietly asked her when we were alone if she could stop making me the joke of the evening."
"She rolled her eyes and said I was taking everything too seriously and that everyone knew she was joking."
"I went back to the table for a while because I really didn't want to ruin her birthday."
"But then she made another joke about me, so I decided I'd had enough. I congratulated her again, said goodbye to everyone, and went home without making a scene."
The OP's friend tried to blame them for how the evening turned out.
"The next morning, she texted me, saying she was hurt that I left early and that several people noticed."
"She said that I made her feel like she had done something horrible when she was 'just having fun.' But her having fun was more of a public embarrassment to me."
"Now I feel guilty, because it was her birthday, and maybe I could have just ignored it for another hour or two."
"I wasn't trying to punish her or make the night about me. I just didn't want to sit there smiling while someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I had specifically asked her to stop."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she didn't have to stay at a party where she didn't feel welcome.
"She was having fun. You were not having fun."
"You’re not overreacting. You told her it was hurting you, and she kept doing it because hurting you was entertaining for her. She is not a good friend." - Dunquinn-
"I remember when I was really little, a bunch of adults were laughing at me as I cried."
"I cried to my mom, 'Stop laughing at me,' to which she replied, 'We aren’t laughing at you; we're laughing with you,' while giggling."
"My response was something I stand by to this day: 'Then why am I the only one crying?!'"
"It’s only funny if the person who’s being teased is laughing too. You weren’t laughing. It wasn’t funny; it was cruel. NOR." - XSmartypants
"She’s a bully. It wasn’t 'more like 'it was publicly embarrassing. It WAS publicly embarrassing."
"Then she tells you that SHE is embarrassed because YOU left early. That's bulls**t."
"NOR. Drop her." - WTH_JFG
"NOR. They make jokes about someone's privacy to humiliate that person. Anyone who would use info that was shared in confidence to get a laugh is an abuser. You don't do that, especially to a close friend, without the intent to hurt that person." - BungenessKrabb
"Would it have been fun if you did the same? Start telling her darkest secrets?"
"She made you into a punchline for other people’s entertainment."
"You told her to stop, and she didn’t; now she’s the victim?"
"NOR."
"But also, some people need to feel it to believe it. I hope you go to the next gathering with a few stories of your own and don’t let her rewrite the narrative." - beached_not_broken
"I’ve had it happen by my 'best friend' at the time, only it was in a professional setting event. Very personal details only she knew, all spilled for her amusement, embarrassing me in front of colleagues."
"NOR, OP. As you did, I left the gathering earlier than expected. My 'friend' called the next day asking why I left so early. I told her what she had said and done and how humiliated I felt."
"Her 'apology' was that flippant version that shows no remorse, like, 'Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.'"
"Over the subsequent years, she managed to alienate and burn bridges with most of those same people we were gathered with."
"I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Anyone who thinks you were 'too sensitive' has no empathy and 'friends' like that don’t deserve your time." - Hungry_Tank9182
"NOR. She was being a jerk to you, and she was expecting you to just take it and not say anything or defend yourself."
"Because they think it's sooo funny to mock others, but I bet if the roles were reversed, she would be offended and upset."
"Honestly, you deserve better friends. I'm sorry you had to deal with this."
"I would've left and blocked her." - Cryslove
Others urged the OP to stop thinking about the event and let that friendship go.
"That was the point of her fun! Humiliating you with an audience!"
"Sharing something deeply personal, told in confidence? Immediate dealbreaker."
"She is not (and likely never was) your friend. Friends do not treat friends with such disrespect. Block her, and go no contact. She brings nothing good to your life, and she’s not worthy of your energy and time."
"NOR." - MizPeachyKeen
"It’s called bullying. She is not your friend. Friends don’t humiliate their true friends, or tell them 'they are too sensitive.'"
"That is what bullies do. She keeps you around to put you down and make herself look or feel better."
"Her actions, attitude, and behavior are those of an immature high schooler. She could actually be jealous of you and not want one or all of the following: you to succeed, have more friends, feel better about yourself, look better, etc."
"Please slowly distance yourself, find new hobbies and activities with more mature, well-rounded, healthy people." - Freeling_Fab_U_lous
"How DARE you spoil her fun; didn't you know that part of your gift was letting her make you the butt of her jokes? (sarcastic comment)"
"What an awful person. No one should need to put others down to raise themselves up. She doesn't deserve the title of friend, to be honest. You showed much more grace than I would have managed." - tphatmcgee
"She was using you as her punching bag to make the others attending laugh. Probably thinking you’d just take it. That’s not a good friend. NOR." - Additional-Start9455
"'Someone I trusted kept embarrassing me after I asked them to stop.' NOR."
"First, you shouldn't have had to ask her to stop because a friend wouldn't have started in the first place. One of her 'jokes' was about you being sensitive, so she knew you didn't like it and did it anyway."
"Second, you asked her privately to stop, because you didn't want to embarrass her. Think about that. You didn't want to embarrass her. But she couldn't show you the same consideration, even after being asked to stop."
"That's not how I treat my friends, and I suspect that's not how you treat your friends, either." - calminthedark
"I would have answered her text that she's a s**tty friend and to f**k off. You have class."
"I probably would have made a comment at dinner that I asked her to stop with the insults."
"NOR. You did everything right." - Particular-King218
The subReddit was disappointed on the OP's behalf that a friendship they were so committed to, they were excited to celebrate their friend's birthday and even helped plan the event, came apart at their expense, and on very public terms.
If the friend didn't want to be "embarrassed," maybe she should have thought about how she was embarrassing others first.