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Redditor Balks After Family Demands They Take Out Loan To Pay For Younger Brother’s Wedding

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Redditor throvavej is a 23-year-old whose younger brother recently got married, allegedly because the future mother-in-law wanted a grandchild “as soon as possible.”

When a financial dilemma arose, their parents approached our Redditor with a request.

After making their position very clear, they visited the  “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked readers:

“AITA for refusing to take out a loan to pay for my brother’s wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I know it sounds strange, and I don’t think I’m the A but I need other ppls opinion on this.”

“My spoiled, high school drop out brother married his wife (same qualifications) this year, they’re both 19. I’m 23 btw.”

“Long story short is that my brother’s hag of a mother-in-law wants a grandkid as soon as possible so she manipulated them into getting married and my stupid mother went along with it. My new SIL is expecting now so I’m pretty sure my theory is correct. (No I don’t care that I’m being disrespectful.)”

“We’re not well off, not at all. My father who all of a sudden became a coward and didn’t talk brother and mother out of it, (he had talked me out of the college I wanted to attend though bcs of the tuition fees back in the day).”

“In order to pay for the wedding, my father has gotten a ‘loan’ from my uncle, his brother, and he now wants the money back.”

“My parents sat me down a few days ago and they told me that they have no money to spare, too much in debt to get a loan from an actual bank and since my brother and sil are so young and expecting they can’t pay back my uncle either. That leaves only me.”

“Apparently, because I don’t have debts, no baby is coming any time soon but since I have savings and a job, I owe it to my family to take out a loan and hand it to my uncle.”

“I didn’t say a word, just la iughed in their faces and left. I’ve been receiving a bunch of texts and calls from my family to ‘save’ them financially but I won’t.”

“I don’t know, either I live in a different reality or they do.”

“(No it’s not a ‘cultural’ thing or anything.)”

Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many Redditors sided with the OP as not the a**hole here.

“You’re under no obligation to pay off someone else’s debt. You didn’t cosign or agree to help in any way.”

“NTA.” – mdthomas

“NTA. OP – please tell me that you’re the only person who has access to your savings, that it’s locked down and they can’t borrow/steal it from you. Update your passwords and don’t stay logged into online banking on computers.” – DrPepperSocksNow

“OP, lock down your credit too so no one takes credit card against your name!”

“Ridiculous, they can’t afford a baby let alone a wedding. Poor kids. Rotten MIL. NTA.” – AmIarealbunny

“Yes, please do this! Your parents surely have or can easily get your SSN, DOB, past addresses, and employment history, which is probably all they would need to open credit in your name. (Assuming US, but I would guess other countries aren’t too different.) I’m not sure what they’d need to unfreeze your credit, but you should find out and do what you can to make it so they can’t do that.”

“This was a crazy request from your parents, and even if you think they’d never actually steal from you — even if they think that themselves — being broke and desperate can make people do strange things.” – ViscountBurrito


“Your parents almost certainly have your social security number and have other info they’d need to fraudulently take a loan out in your name.” – bbbright

“NTA. Dear lord, this is a mess. If no one can afford to pay for this wedding, what are they going to do about the baby? Other than keep coming to you for ‘loans’ they will never pay back, that is.”

“Hold firm this is not your problem to solve, and refuse to discuss it any further.” – mm172


“Can’t afford a wedding? Get a cheaper wedding or DON’T HAVE A WEDDING.”

“He’s adult enough to get married but not adult enough to manage basic finances? Not your problem. Save yourself, OP. There’s a reason you don’t have debt and it’s unfair for them to expect you to take on debt to pay for their mistakes.” – Mimbley

“Your family shouldn’t be punishing you for being the only one that’s financially stable, you’re just the most convenient person to ask and they know they can get away with not paying you back because family.”

“Don’t loan them anything, and make sure they don’t have access to any of your credit/accounts. NTA.” – Ciphree


“I would suggest you freeze all 3 of your credit reports today. Your family sounds super suspect and with people like that – feeling entitled beyond measure to your money, i wouldn’t put it past any of them to use your information to take out a loan, credit card, something in your name for this wedding.”

“Freezing your credit will automatically decline any new requests, but do nothing to your already opened accounts. This is 100% free if you go to the actual reporting agency websites and super easy to do.” – Lady_Purrsia

“NTA, their financial stupidity is not your responsibility. They should work out a payment plan to your uncle on their own. I’d be willing to bet anything you loan them will not be paid back.” – smackof_ham

“You’re 100% right. Any money that comes their way in the future will be for the new mom and baby, because think of the baaaaby!”

“No shade to babies, I say this as someone with a baby. But their poor family/ financial planning is not OP’s responsibility and he owes nothing (let alone his good credit) to his uncle, his parents, his brother, his SIL, or his future nibling.”

“Even if he HAD the money to lend he wouldn’t owe it, but the fact that they want him to take a loan out to pay back a loan is insane.” – kaleighdoscope

“NTA they were irresponsible enough to go along with this ridiculous idea now they have to reap the consequences. A baby has no place with two young barely adult teens who hasn’t had anything figured out, especially with no basic qualification to their name.”

“Parents failed them tbh, they genuinely only cared about having a grand-baby, now it’s up to them to support said grand-baby.”

“You have no obligation to take on this kind of financial responsibility when you have your entire future to worry about. Their lack of planning and sense is not yours to fix.”

“OP I suggest you make sure none of your personal documents is within reach of your parents, brother etc… if you’re still living at home maybe it’s time to move out, if you live somewhere else, do not let them into your home, keep your distance and be very vigilant.” – Chantalle22

“Can’t afford a wedding??? My wedding was done in a friends dorm room. Half of the guests were high asf. Our minister was our crackhead energy cia glowie friend who was ordained as a minister 10 minutes before the wedding and during the wedding was baked asf holding a mangled Garfield plushie.”

“My husband and I were both in our pajamas too. That wedding cost us only the fees for the marriage license and that was like 50$(?). There is no way they can’t afford a wedding. They just can’t afford a nice princess wedding.”

“You’re NTA and thinking about my wedding made me laugh. While it wasn’t a dream wedding it was definitely something to remember. 😂😂😂” – Night-light51

“Definitely NTA, it wasn’t your wedding, it wasn’t your loan and therefore not your responsibility. If you wanted too, that would be something completely different.”

“This is not your debt, nor should you be forced or guilted into repaying it.” – many_hobbies_gal

Overall, Redditors believed the OP owes their family nothing under the circumstances and they strongly advised the OP to monitor their finances in case their parents attempt to get access.

The OP updated the post with the following:

“Thank y’all for your comments. Let me clarify that I’m not living with them and they don’t have access to my credit card or anything so don’t worry.”

“But I have the opportunity within my job to work overseas for a few months and in light of all the things I’ve read from you, I’m going. No question about it.”

“And for those of you whom are curious about it, no my father didn’t talk me out of college entirely, just a cheeper one. So I have a degree and no debts. Thank you again.”

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo