In the United States, between one-third to about half of people surveyed believe in ghosts, with results showing roughly 33% to 53% believing in the supernatural or paranormal activity. While some believers find the idea fascinating, others find it frightening.
A new owner of an old home turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a sibling's significant other offered dire warnings about their home.
TangeloOverall4010 asked:
"AITA for telling someone not to come over to my 'haunted house'?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"This is probably the most ridiculous thing I've ever typed."
"Last year, my family [Me (40, male), my wife (also 40), and our 7-year-old daughter 'Becca'] moved into our forever home. It is a Victorian house around 150 years old."
"Becca is a VERY imaginative child. She loves fairies, unicorns, ghosts, cryptids and all those kinds of things. She also plays pretty intense make believe games, draws vivid pictures, has an imaginary friend, the whole nine yards."
"We did ask her pediatrician about it at her last yearly checkup just to be on the safe side because she's so... colorful with it, but he said there was nothing concerning and Becca seems well adjusted and happy- we agree."
"Since moving, Becca insists that a ghost lives in our house as well. It's apparently a nice ghost and hasn't caused any mischief, so we said sure it can stay."
"My brother's girlfriend 'Amy' (30s) is religious, and it wasn't a problem until she heard Becca talk about our 'ghost'. Then it was suddenly 'your new house has evil energy' and 'can I pray for you' and 'I don't know if I feel comfortable in your house'."
"I don't want this type of talk around my child, and it's starting to feel like she's judging our parenting. Amy will not stop, despite us telling her it is quite clearly the musings of a seven-year-old who also thinks that a fairy lives in our garden."
"We're having a Labor Day BBQ this evening. Amy was on another one of her tangents last week, so I texted her and my brother together saying if she's taking my 7-year-old at face value that our house is 'haunted' and it's that scary, Amy doesn't need to come to the party. We'll see her for dad's birthday at the end of the month."
"That went over spectacularly, of course. Amy reacted so negatively that my brother actually started defending us, and I think their relationship might be over."
"I feel badly about that, and only that, and that's why I'm asking. Should I just have ignored Amy?"
"AITA?"
OP later added:
"Amy said that our house either had something demonic or, if Becca truly made it up, we're allowing her to believe in things that will ruin her."
"The ghost seemed more like a playtime element for Becca. Her other imaginary friend she's had since age 4. They hang around when she's not 'playing', like sometimes they come to dinner, sleep in her doll beds. Haven't heard about them in a few days though, I think they're on vacation."
"My wife also asked me to include this, just to drive home how insane Amy is being: Becca spends hours playing with American Girl dolls and has two historical characters."
"One, I'm not sure of her name, is from the Revolutionary War and Becca loves to have her be a 'spy'. Amy said that was teaching her to be 'sneaky'."
Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"NTA. She's scared of what's essentially a kid's imaginary friend." ~ FishWithLegsAndArms
"NTA if she can't follow your rules in your house than she can stay home." ~ ThOncomingStorm
"Exactly! She's trying to instill fear into OP's kid, so it's best she keeps her distance and OP's brother probably dodged a bullet." ~ Keira_Kissable
"Yeah, the ghost and the fairy are allowed to stay because they behave themselves. If Amy can't do that, she can't come over." ~ zaffiro_in_giro
"Right? And if she truly believes the house has an 'evil energy' why would she want to go to it?" ~ AgreeablePanda9805
"It could still be religious. My parents used phrases like 'secrets are lies' to convince us any thought we had in our head and didn't share was a lie, therefore a sin. Religious abuse doesn't only use explicity religious things to harm people." ~ britneys_bigtoe
"But why would she want to go to a demon-possessed house anyway? She’s just there to cause trouble."
"That’s just the way some people like to live—they live to create drama, where they are the center of attention. Can’t have a cute little seven-year-old getting all that and not her." ~ Shadow4summer
"You’re NTA, especially since you’ve double-checked with her pediatrician. It’s pretty age appropriate and fairly common especially with only children. ~ GeekySkittle
"Next time she goes off about you letting your daughter believe in things that will ruin her, you should reply, 'Ruin her? It's just a harmless little ghost. It's not something dangerous like a religion'." ~ 1pinksquirrel1scotch
"Isn’t their Big Three the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost? ~ LunarBIacksmith
"Good point. They switched it to 'spirit' at some point to disassociate it from the spooky ghosts, but we all know it means the same thing." ~ 1pinksquirrel1scotch
"For the record, I had several imaginary playmates as a kid. One named Casper comes to mind, he was my fave. I would say I'm relatively normal, have a family and a career of almost 40 years, and I'm a productive member of society. So tell Amy she's the nutso one." ~ brneyedgrrl
"OP, for what it's worth, there's a certain kind of Christian (usually on the Evangelical side of things) who believes that they're under constant 'spiritual attack' by 'demonic forces'."
"Those folks believe that those forces don't attack like opps in a video game. Their methods are subtle, They weaken your spiritual defenses by tempting you with non-Christian things that appear benign like books, movies, and other media, toys, basically any things or ideas not approved by their churches."
"It sounds like your brother's girlfriend subscribes to those sorts of beliefs. I think you're doing a good thing setting that boundary and keeping Amy away from your daughter. That sort of thinking teaches children to fear their own imaginations."
"I have relatives who embraced similar thinking, and I'm grateful that my mother (a religious person herself) shut that crap down hard when I was Becca's age." ~ HouseOfEclipse
"As someone who does believe in the paranormal, even if her 'ghost' friend is truly a ghost or not, at least she says they're nice!" ~ Little-bad-witch
"Absolutely NTA. That kind of talk could take your daughter's imaginative playtime and turn it into a load of fears that she doesn't need." ~ TOASTisawesome
"NTA. The American Girl doll thing is what would end it for me. Amy heard Revolutionary War spy and decided a 7-year-old is being groomed into deception. That's not religious concern, that's someone actively looking for reasons to be offended by your kid existing." ~ SugarGliderxox
"Yep, you’re exactly right. At 65 I have a fear of the dark because my grandmother made sure to instill that in me. I was never afraid before she came around." ~ Shadow4summer
"NTA to ask for her tangents to stop or for her just not to come over. Religious overzealous escalation by her isn’t under your control. Your brother’s relationship dissolving because of this isn’t either." ~ Horror-Giraffe7508
"I think they saved the brother from a miserable existence if the relationship actually tanks. ~ chita875andU
"You don't need to entertain her religious mania or her religious persecution complex. NTA. ~ X-Himy
"NTA. I'm fascinated to hear what on earth Amy said that made him consider ending the relationship. Your kid is yours to protect. And Amy was getting a bit too intense with things. ~ Sweet_Cinnabonn
"I can almost guarantee this was not the one single thing to end the relationship; it probably just happened to be the last straw of many unhinged actions." ~ Quarantini
"NTA, saying those things about the house is a gross misuse of religion and fear mongering." ~ Skerklderkl
"Your delightful, imaginative child does not have to listen to this kind of idiocy from Amy, and her insistence on suggesting 'there is evil' in your beautiful home, simply because your child has an imagination, is obviously absurd."
"NTA, and Amy can take her own vivid imagination somewhere else."
"That said, children are very sensitive to their environment, and it says to me that you have created a very happy home for her, if her imaginary friend is happy and friendly."
"And who knows? If her ghost is 'real' to her, that sounds like a budding novelist to me. Personally, I'd love to have fairies in my garden." ~ Any_Assumption_2023
"You're NTA. Amy is off the rails and if this keeps up (in case they're not broken up), it's time to start having some fun with her. Maybe the ghost can say she is on the wrong path and needs to (insert life change like go become a missionary)." ~ Dittoheadforever
"NTA, this is parenting 101: let child explore and be creative, protect child from horrible people. Good job, parents!" ~ Sweet_Ad2074
OP's responsibility is to his daughter. Placating his brother's girlfriend isn't.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp