When hosting houseguests, we want them to feel at home.
Sometimes, however, houseguests take the invitation a bit too literally.
Before too long, some generous hosts find their hospitality taken advantage of, with some guests even making demands of them.
Requiring hosts to seriously reevaluate the situation.
A recent Redditor recently took in a friend of their husband’s who had fallen on hard times.
While the original poster (OP) was fine with giving this friend room and board, she became increasingly agitated with the further demands and expectations this guest inflicted.
Eventually leading the OP to issue an ultimatum.
Concerned she might have been unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for giving my housemate a deadline to find a babysitter?”
The OP explained why they felt changes were necessary with their houseguest situation:
“The last few months my husband and I took in a friend who needed a place to stay.”
“That turned into us having him and his 2-year-old.”
“That was fine and dandy, but I’m almost at the end of my pregnancy with a planned C-section here in November.”
“The doctors are scolding me for even lifting the 2-year-old and told me that I 100% cannot be lifting anything other than the newborn after the surgery.”
“Plus, I have been trying to be patient and understanding as our friend gets his life together.”
“But this has turned into me babysitting 6 out of the 7 days a week due to his work.”
“So I have had next to no downtime.”
“I’m in constant pain.”
“That, of course, is being written off by the doctor per normal.”
“I have a high pain tolerance, so I’d hate to know the scale of pain I’m in for a normal person.”
“I wouldn’t mind watching the 2-year-old, but any advice I give seems to be thrown out the window.”
“He feeds this kid sugary breakfast stuff all the time and I’m left with a fussy baby who wants more sugar and refuses to nap (talking chocolate milk, the little chocolate chip muffins, cookies, sugary cereals..).”
“So I get to be the bad guy during the day and deal with scream fests because I refuse to give this kid more sweets.”
“Regardless, I have told our housemate and my husband I refuse to look after a newborn and a 2-year-old.”
“If it were my child, by all means.”
“But I already did that song and dance with my first two.”
“I didn’t sign up for this 2 for one deal this time.”
“I’m not trying to be mean or have the guy lose out on work time.”
“But this is the last baby I plan to have, and after everything that has happened this year, and losing my mother back in June.”
“I just want a break and to enjoy our new little one while they are little.”
“I’ve been so tired and stressed that I feel like I snap at every little thing.”
“I can’t tell if it’s the pregnancy or just the fact that I feel trapped with having to take care of someone else’s kid while being hardly able to move.”
“My husband works graveyard shift, so he can’t help with the 2-year-old at all, and I feel it’s unfair to ask my two kids to help all the time.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole by demanding their houseguest hire a babysitter by a certain time.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s houseguest was not only taking advantage of the OP’s hospitality, but was also being completely insensitive to her condition, and changes needed to be made, with many even suggesting the OP evict this houseguest:
“NTA.”
“However, why were boundaries not set from the beginning?”
“Why, and how, did this go from giving this guy a place to stay to you providing childcare six days a week?”
“Someone was watching this kid before they moved in.”- lmholot1981
“NTA.”
“Frankly you should be giving him his notice to vacate, not a deadline to find a babysitter.”-
Sfb208
“NTA.”
“For a week or two while he figures out his life with this kiddo is one thing, like I might help while he looks for daycares, etc, but indefinitely?”
“Hell, no.”
“You are already providing room and board.”
“You are already sharing your personal living space.”
“That is a huge generous thing.”
“Has he been saving the money he would have spent on child care on his move-out budget?”
“That would be the only thing that would give me an ounce of sympathy for him, and even then it is an over reach to just assume a woman is going to be his child care provider, and not bring her into the discussion.”
“Where is this child’s mother, and why is she not watching her own child while the child’s father works?”
“He does need to come up with child care; he has already put a ton on you, just occupying your space.”
“The first person he should be asking for help is the child’s mother, and second, the extended family from both his side and his mom’s side, then paying for daycare.”
“You are already contributing to supporting this difficult time in his life.”
“These posts always confuse me, though.”
“You have said you are in significant pain, and heavily pregnant.”
“You have said that the father of this child passes this kiddo off to you hyped up on sugar.”
“You have said these babysitting duties are 6-7 days a week, which is very excessive.”
“Why would you need strangers to validate that this is unreasonable?”
“Why do we have all these posts asking ‘AITA for deciding to no longer martyr myself and make a person take responability for their own lives?'”
“And why do so many of these posts involve looking after children the OP did not sire or give birth to?”
“I feel like this question has been asked and answered over and over again.”- Snoo_41753
“YTA….”
“To yourself, for letting this continue beyond a few short weeks.”
“You know that you’re the babysitter, don’t you? You let it happen, and now he is going to say you are letting him down, and he has to work and blah blah blah.”
“They need to go..”
“NTA for giving him a deadline, but he won’t adhere to it.”- Marshwiggletreacle
“NTA and honestly it is about time for the friend to move on.”
“He is either unwilling to deal with the issue or just expects free childcare.”
“Give them a deadline to find a new place to live.”- positmatt
“You know you’re NTA.”
“It’s one thing to take in a friend, it’s another to babysit 6 days a week.”
“The best way to have this conversation is to give him a heads up.”
“’Hey, I visited my doctor this week who put me on bedrest and told me no lifting whatsoever except the baby’.”
“‘So starting [A day or two in the future] I won’t be unable to babysit [child]’.”
“If it becomes an issue, leave the house the same time or slightly before the roommate leaves for work in the morning.”
“That way he can’t use you.”
“If he asks again, be a broken record.”
“’No I’m sorry I cant contribute to your childcare needs’.”
“If this is an issue, we might have to revisit the living arrangements.”- No_Perspective_242
“NTA You have already set the expectations for yourself as a babysitter.”
“Stop immediately- for your health reasons.”
“If he can’t find childcare, that’s his problem.”
“Stop making his problems yours.”- ChaoticCrashy
“NTA.”
“This is ridiculous, and I feel frustrated for you because I don’t feel anything is going to change.”-Anon-User-5
“Of course NTA.”
“You were kind to help them out, but they should be arranging childcare.”
“It’s not fair.”- merishore25
“NTA.”
“At all and this is not because you don’t want to, it’s because doctor’s advice: you just shouldn’t do it.”
“So the housemate has to find child care ASAP.”- Odd_Tea4945
“NTA.”
“This is more than reasonable.”
“He’s had a few months to get his bearings.”
“The friend can’t live with you forever.”
“He needs to figure out a new living situation and childcare before your baby is born.”-SeaMollusker
“There’s a chance he could qualify for public assistance with child care costs, depending on where you live and how much he makes.”
“Yes, it’s his responsibility to figure this out- but if you printed off the application or had it ready on a screen for him to fill out online today, it might send the message home that he needs to get on board and make efforts to figure it out.”
“NTA for setting a firm deadline.”
“Don’t let him pretend there was no warning.”- SeamusMcKraaken
Not many people would be as generous as the OP and her husband, giving a friend in need a place to live, apparently rent free.
Most people, given that generosity, would go to great lengths to ensure they were being as little an imposition as possible.
At the end of the day, hiring a babysitter is the very least this guest could do.