Weddings and other large family gatherings are a huge undertaking, but sometimes some family members’ expectations for others can be a bit over the top.
That’s how a guy on Reddit felt when his sister and family got angry at him for having a dirt biking accident one week before her wedding. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by joeschmoftx on the site, asked:
“AITA for going dirt biking a week before my sister’s wedding”
He explained:
“Ok like 3 or 4 weeks back I (m[ale] 24) went dirt biking with my friends on a Tuesday. I ended up getting in an accident and I was only in the hospital for like 6 hours. Nothing too bad no serious brain injury or anything. I broke my rib and hurt my hand and a bunch of other minor injuries.”
“I also had a pretty bad shoulder injury that’ll force me to be in a sling for a while. I was in bed for a few days and needed my gf to help me with a bunch of basic tasks. By the next week my ribs were feeling better but I was only at like 30 percent.”
“The week after the accident I had to go to my sister’s wedding. People seemed pretty hostile towards me and that’s fine I understand it’s a stressful week. Wedding went by fine but when we were doing family photos I got a lot of dirty looks. Here’s the issue my sister wasn’t happy that I was in a sling in the photos. They thought I was taking attention away from them.”
“So now a week after the wedding I ended up getting texts from multiple family members saying how irresponsible it was for me to go dirt biking a week before her wedding. They’re claiming I took away the attention from her with my noticeable injuries. They told me I was stupid for dirt biking a week before an important family occasion.”
“I did not apologize and straight up told them I wasn’t asking to be injured. My parents took their side and so did my sister. My brother in law did take my side and tried defending me.”
“Part of the reason I am a little angry is no one actually cared that I was in a serious accident when it happened. My parents seemed more concerned that I might miss the wedding than the fact that I was in the hospital. I might be crazy idk. They seemed more angry that it happened before her wedding.”
“Obviously I understand I’m an adult but I expected a little sympathy. I didn’t expect any sympathy during the wedding week because that is 100 percent is her week and her moment.”
“I ended up apologizing to keep the peace but I seriously don’t see how this is a big deal. Yeah I did a risky activity and I paid the price for it but I don’t think I’m a bad person or irresponsible like people are making me out to be. AITA?”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this conflict based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And most of them agreed that OP’s family were being pretty unreasonable and insensitive.
“NTA- what if it had been a car accident? should you not be in cars before her wedding also in case of an accident? that’s unreasonable of them to be upset with you for this and you have nothing to be sorry for” –InevitableOk6369
“NTA- at my brother’s wedding one of the bridesmaids was in a leg cast. It took nothing away from the photos except they still tease her about it. They made sure she had a folding chair to sit on. Your family is being ridiculous a**holes.” –spacejacey
“NTA – Your injury detracted form the bride? So they even hear themselves? How can anyone say such f’ed up shh with a straight face? Wow, you got some seriously bizarre relatives.”
“What would be the timeframe she would have wanted you to leave clear? A week, two, six months, seven years? F’kin bridezlla wanting the entire world to stop turning forever just in case something happens that she isn’t 101% happy with.” –Red_Cathy
“NTA. Contrary to the Popular Opinion of Bridezillas everywhere, your life doesn’t revolve around your sister’s wedding. Glad you are okay, I’m sure this accident could have been worse. You were the WAY bigger person in apologizing and that’s enough.”
“(Seriously, this policing of ‘everyone who is in the picture has to be XYZ’ has got to stop. Why do I feel like if you had been further injured and in a wheelchair, you would have totally ‘upstaged’ her? Sorry, had to laugh.) Again, glad you are okay.” –pdxflwrpwr
“Idk I would be pretty pissed if my parents were more concerned over my attendance at a wedding than broken bones, regardless of how I got said broken bones. Sympathy and coddling are two different things. I played basketball and sprained my ankles a decent amount. Basketball is known for causing those kind of injuries but that doesn’t negate my pain, sympathy from loved ones is a normal reaction when you’re hurt.” –wheres_the_revolt
“Wether you take risks or not, it’s not an a**hole move to expect sympathy and concern when you get hurt, it’s not like OP asked them to cater to his every need or postpone the wedding or anything. If my mother got hurt in a parachute accident, I would still visit her at the hospital, I wouldn’t tell her ‘well, you should have stayed on the ground, I expect an apology for your aerial behaviour'”
“Side note: I didn’t even realise dirt bike could be qualified as an high-risk activity. My 62 year old father has been doing that sport every week for decades, so I always considered it pretty mundane..” –taluzt
“NTA – next time you have something planned like that, make sure to tell everyone that bi*ched to you that them failing to cancel ANYTHING even remotely dangerous. Running/jogging? Nope. Hiking? Nope. Bicycling? Not at all. Hell, driving in a car is dangerous too.”
“You did it a week before, not the morning of, and no one plans to get wrecked and break a rib, so they need to back the hell off and maybe rethink how they bypassed you getting hurt and breaking something. Shows how much they care.” –lurkingentropy
“NTA but good grief, everyone of your family seems to deserve a huge vote of YTA for being more concerned about you wearing an arm sling and taking attention away from the bride. Would their reaction have been the same had you been a pedestrian & were struck by a car? Life happens and so do accidents. There is something fundamentally wrong with the relatives that gave you a hard time. Hope you heal up soon.” –OneWithoutAName2
“NTA. You didn’t ask to be injured. These sound like the type of people who would be pissed that a bridesmaid got pregnant or cut their hair short before the wedding. A wedding is a wonderful event that takes place over one day (maybe a weekend). You don’t get to dictate how people live their lives outside of that.” —Konstantine-
“NTA I hope you’re recovering well, ridiculous to say that one fella in a sling takes attention away from a wedding. Must’ve been sh*t if that’s all it took to distract everyone. When I was a kid, my mum banned me from going out to play in the two weeks before my first communion cos I’d have to wear a pretty white dress and I was notorious for skinned knees and bruises.”
“Anyway, couple nights before my communion my wobbly teeth finally fell out! They were my two front teeth. Mum was furious. Moral of the story: sh*t happens, especially before a big event. Laugh about it, like I do when I see communion photos 😂” –sinkydoodles
“NTA. People can be so selfish about their weddings it’s absolutely ridiculous. They’d have probably also been mad if you had fallen down some stairs while not doing anything irresponsible at all and had been in a sling as a result of that.” –titsoakb
“Don’t you know that you’re supposed to put your entire life on hold for 6 months prior to the wedding, don’t get tattoos or color your hair or grow it out. Because they need perfect pictures that are not really representative of who the family is. Just need to have good appearances. That way when they look at the pictures after their divorce in 5 years they can at least say something was perfect.”
“NTA, sh*t happens and not always because of negligence. People go skiing and get injured because some other a**hole was wreck less and plowed into them causing severe injury or even death. I just can’t believe how freaking ridiculous women (an some men) get with their wedding. No one really cares about how perfect it is. People like that end up getting divorced beucae that’s probably not the only thing in life they’re psychotic with” –Kooky_Protection_334
After reading his fellow Redditors’ responses, OP came back to the post to issue an update.
“Edit: sorry for the terrible grammar I’m typing this with one hand.”
“Also some of you guys are really funny I appreciate the humor in these comments”
Hopefully OP has a speedy recovery.