There’s little that’s more sad than when a family becomes estranged.
But in some cases, cutting off communication from certain family members is the only solution for some people to live happy and healthy lives.
Making a reunion an unlikely possibility.
The brother of Redditor InterestingCan4785 hadn’t spoken to their parents for years, after they kicked him out of the house at a very young age.
But with a momentous occasion happening in their brother’s life, the original poster (OP) got their parents in contact with their brother once again.
Much to their brother’s discontent.
Questioning whether or not they acted out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA For telling our parents my brother is getting married?”
The OP first shared the unfortunate circumstances which led to their brother’s estrangement.
“My brother got kicked out when he was 14.”
“A freshman in high school.”
“He was going around telling people he was kicked out because he was gay but that’s not true.”
“We knew he was gay.”
“Our dad was a pastor, so he told my brother to keep it a secret at least until he graduates.”
“My brother just had to tell his friend though.”
“I tried to help him and be there for him, but there was only so much I could do.”
“My parents financially supported me so I couldn’t go against their wishes.”
But the OP still occasionally stayed in touch with their brother, and upon learning of a happy new development in his life, began to wonder if now was the time he should reconnect him with their parents.
“My brother, now 24, reached out to me.”
“We’ve been communicating every few months, but he told me he was getting married.”
“I went to dinner at their house.”
“I thought it would be just the three of us, but it was a dinner with his friends and his friend’s parents.”
“The friend’s parents are the ones he stayed with when he was kicked out, and they seem to think that makes them his family.”
“I asked my brother if our parents knew about his engagement, and he told me they didn’t.”
“He doesn’t want a relationship with them, and he doesn’t want them at the wedding.”
“I told him he was being childish, he needs to get over it and forgive them.”
“The only reason they never let him come home was because he was sh*t-talking them around town.”
“He has a chance to show them he’s the bigger person now, and to apologize.”
But when the OP’s brother showed no interest in their suggestion, however, resulting in the OP taking matters into their own hands, with less than triumphant results.
“I went home after he wouldn’t listen and I told our parents everything.”
“I gave them his number.”
“Apparently, they called and tried to talk to him.”
“He hung up and blocked them, then called me to scream at me for giving them his info.”
“He told me I was an a**hole and uninvited to his wedding.”
“AITA or was he just overreacting?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP found little sympathy from the Reddit community, who unanimously found them to be the a**hole for telling their parents about their brother’s wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s brother had no obligation to reunite with his parents, finding their past actions close to unforgivable, and it seemed he was much better off with his newly adopted family.
“It is your brothers wedding and his rules apply to that wedding.”
“Your feelings don’t matter in that scenario.”
“Why did your parents kick out someone who basically just reached puberty?”
“What was the reasoning?”-antictrash.
“You’re saying that he wasn’t kicked out for being gay.”
“This is such a lie.”
“Being forced to keep your sexual orientation a secret is a horrible thing to force upon someone.”
“Your parents kicked him out because they were ashamed of having an openly gay son and that’s horrendous.”
“Your behavior is also appalling.”
“You show a complete lack of comprehension and regret for the awful treatment of your brother.”
“I’m so happy to hear your brother has a chosen family in his life that love and care about him.”
“When your biological family sucks it must be pretty amazing to have people that really support you.”
“I hope your bother goes NC with all of you.”-alyanm.
“You and your parents are both awful.”
‘You’re also wrong — your brother WAS kicked out for being gay if he was kicked out because he *told someone* he was gay.”
“Telling your child that they must hide who they are in order to remain in the home is homophobic and cruel.”
“Telling people the truth about why he was kicked out is not ‘sh*t talking around town’, it’s literally just telling the facts of what happened.”
“If your parents look bad it’s because they did something bad.”
“You just betrayed your brother, again, by proving that you’re 100% on your parents’ side and you don’t care about your brother’s happiness.”
“He told you explicitly that he didn’t want your parents to know and you told them anyway.”
“You clearly don’t believe your parents have ever done anything wrong and you don’t deserve to be in your brother’s life.”
“I’m glad he’s found a partner and a chosen family who love and support him for who he is and he shouldn’t ever talk to you again.”-fizzbangwhiz.
“I’m sorry, when you say ‘his friend’ do you mean the person he’s marrying?”
“Because they are his family if he’s marrying into it, and if they took care of him when your parents tossed him out, that also makes them his family.”
“You are such TA.”
“You are possibly the biggest AH I’ve seen today.”
“He trusted you, he let you back into his life knowing you ate up all the BS your parents fed you but hoping you would be better, and you ran to your parents at the first given opportunity to rat him out.”
“He specifically said he didn’t want a relationship with the people who kicked him out for being gay, and you gave them his phone number.”
“Also, victim blaming much?”
“Your parents wouldn’t let their teenage son come home because he was trash talking them.”
“Imagine if every parent refused to let their kid come home because their kid said something mean about them.”
“Your parents kicked him out because they’re homophobic garbage who expected your brother to be happy with living in the closet for the sake of your father’s reputation.”
“And you proved you’re just as bad as they are.”
“Good for you.”-ForeverSam13.
“No, your brother does not need to forgive them.”
“Regardless of the reason, your parents kicked him out when he was a child.”
“Your parents suck.”
“Also, is the ‘friend’ you’re referring to his fiancé?”- lihzee.
“Your tone comes off as self-centered and homophobic.”
“‘My brother just HAD to tell his friend’.”
“As if coming out as gay is a valid reason for parents to throw a minor out on the streets.”
“Did any of you actually give a shiz about his feelings or what his life must have been like?!”
‘Also, it is NEVER okay to give people’s personal information without asking them first.”
“This doesn’t just apply to your brother who you don’t respect.”
“You and you parents are horrible people.”-Nyankitty666.
“If your brother is gay, and he was kicked out of the house simply for being truthful, then he was kicked out of the house for being gay.”
“Saying he was kicked out not for being gay, but for coming out to friends, is a disingenuous lie.”
“And yes, the friends who took him in when your parents kicked him out for not being a liar are much better family to him than any of you are.”
“And what the hell kind of evil pastor kicks a child out of their home for not bearing false witness?”
“Your father is a pastor.”
“If your brother came to him, and asked him to officiate the marriage, in his church, in front of his congregation, would your father do so?”
“If not, then you and your father have no business complaining when your brother doesn’t want your father involved in a wedding he’d refuse to perform.”
“Have your parents apologized for trying to turn your brother into a liar?”
“Have your parents apologized for kicking him out?”
“Have your parents apologized for treating him like a shameful secret?”
“Have your parents changed their ways, and are they willing to treat your brother as a fully accepted member of the family, and be open and proud to their community and church about who he is?”
“Are your parents prepared to accept, not only your brother, but any and all LBGTQ people as full and equal members into their church, to be welcomed and included in everything, including being married in their church?”
“If not, then he can’t forgive them, because the harm they are doing is ongoing.”
“And if he was simply telling people the truth – that he is gay, that he was kicked out of the house for coming out as gay – then he was not ‘sh*t talking’ them.”
“The God-honest truth is not sh*t talking’.”
“And giving contact information of your brother to your parents, who have done him great harm, are continuing to do him harm, and who are punishing him for telling the truth, is an utterly AH thing to do.”-Jazzlike_Humor3340.
One can’t help but feel sad that the OP’s brother will likely never be part of his biological family every again.
But seeing as he found a family who loves him for who he is, it seems like everything did in the end work out all for the best.
Here’s hoping he has a purely joyous wedding day.