The rise of social media and the omnipresence of cameras in our daily lives, privacy has become a thing to be cherished.
So, what happens when you feel the little privacies you’ve carved out for yourself being eroded?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster Milathrowaway37 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for leaving a fake postive pregnancy test in the bedroom to catch my husband’s mom snooping?”
OP got right to the situation at hand.
“My MIL moved in with us a month ago.”
“I began to notice my stuff in the bedroom being touched. Furniture rearranged, stuff moved et cetera…”
“I felt like I was going crazy because my husband is the only one who has access to the bedroom and he doesn’t usually touch nor come near my things.”
“I figured it must be his mom walking in and snooping on my personal things.”
“I told my husband and he said his mom would never…I had a huge hunch but couldn’t install a cam in the bedroom to catch her in act.”
A plan was formed.
“So, I got me one of those fake postive pregnancy tests and threw it in the bedroom’s trashcan.”
“Note the trashcan was placed in the corner near the closet.”
“Literally the next day after I got to work, I got tons of calls and texts from my inlaws ‘congratulating’ me for my ‘pregnancy'”.
“My husband came over to my workplace and was all worked up about it asking since when I was pregnant, and why I didn’t tell him.”
“I asked how he found out and he said his mom found the positive test in the trashcan in the bedroom.”
“I asked if his answer just confirmed that she’s been snooping in the bedroom all along.”
“He had a ‘realization’ moment but demanded we stick to the bigger issue, I said there was no bigger issue because the positive test was fake and this whole thing was done to expose my MIL’s snooping.”
“He was not convinced.”
“He had me take an actual test right in front of him and he was livid asking how could I lie about such thing and break his mom’s heart since I know…very well that she longs for kids.”
“I got a lot of shit because of this from him, his mom and family now calling me a liar and manipulator.”
OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Commenters found Mother and Son lacking.
NTA. You didn’t lie. You set a trap. You caught a rat. ~ JazzyKnowsBest13
“1.The mother has no business going thru other people stuff, especially announcing someone’s pregnancy.”
“2.The husband needs to be more supportive and less controlling.”
“Good job OP – NTA” ~ -Enna-
“There are so many issues, especially with the husband in this.”
“Hrs not only controlling, but he’s utterly disrespectful and untrusting of his wife.”
“He thinks his mom can do no wrong, and took her side instantly – without skipping a beat.” ~ emeraldkat77
“Give your husband this thread to read.”
“Maybe he will see this from the perspective of people that do not have an emotional attachment to this issue.”
“I am a MIL and I would never dream of going into the bedroom or ensuite of my adult children and their spouse’s homes.”
“Likewise my adult children are respectful of my home and my space (and this is the home they grew up in).”
“I would never do this even when I am a guest in a friend’s home.”
“MIL needs to back off and your husband needs to be supportive of you.” ~ shbrinnnn
“Your MIL is such an AH for snooping around.”
“Your mama’s boy husband dismissed your concerns.”
“You could’ve asked her if she was going into your room, but he probably would’ve gotten mad at that, too.”
“Which led you to believe you had to take drastic measures in order to have proof, ’cause otherwise no one would back you up.”
“She had absolutely NO RIGHT to announce your pregnancy.”
“Imagine it had been true, she didn’t care about hurting your feelings by stealing the opportunity to announce something so personal.”
“She didn’t even ask you privately first to make sure your husband already knew (but of course privacy is not something she cares about, as we can see).”
“She’s the one violating someone’s privacy… and her feelings are hurt? She’s trying to take everyone’s attention away from the fact that she found out the wrong way, OP. DON’T let her!” ~ Pro_crastinator451
In fact, commenters had a lot to say about OP’s husband.
“Throw it right back at him, ‘let’s stick to the bigger issue, did your mom rifle through my trash can like a dog? How is that at all appropriate?”‘
“‘Maybe we need separate bedrooms if you are so comfortable letting mommy dig through your room because I am not!”‘ ~ SuburbanStrawberry
“Ask him how it’s manipulative to put it in your own private trash can after he assured you that she wasn’t snooping. If he wasn’t lying to you, then you had no reason to believe she would ever see it.”
“How can you manipulate someone who will never see the fake test, according to his own reassurances to you?” ~ WayCandid5193
Commenters also had privacy concerns.
“There’s nothing worse than feeling like you can’t relax in your own house or like your things aren’t safe in your own house.”
“Why is MIL living with you?”
“It sounds like step 1 is to talk to your husband about cutting the chord and telling his mum to stop snooping and respect your space.”
“I would also point out that EVEN if MIL’s snooping was ok and the test was genuine.”
“Why the hell did she think it was appropriate or acceptable to go telling everyone else? Most people want to keep a pregnancy private for a while.”
“This whole thing of ‘MIL longs for kids’….”
“What’s it got to do with her?”
“She’s not the one giving birth to grandkids so she doesn’t get a say in it.”
“I HATE this idea that women owe their parents grandkids and the fact that your husband is giving you that excuse makes him an AH as well.” ~ Proud_Fee_1542
“Yeah, on your second point – the husband’s whole ‘why didn’t you come to me first?’ is not the right question -“
“She didn’t tell anyone. Imagine if it hadn’t been fake and she was coming up with a fun way to tell him, but mil had spoiled the surprise.” ~ EnviroAggie
Some responders were just confused.
“It’s not a lie if your MIL sniffed around and dug up false intel she was not supposed to find….had she been a normal, civil and polite guest who respects boundaries and does not snoop around in personal business.”
“Honestly, the husband and his family sound like a nightmare.”
“The question you should ask your husband is : ‘You didn’t want to believe me when I told you your mom was snooping around in my stuff.”‘
“‘What was the right way to prove it to you? What was the acceptable thing to do, for all involved parties, including me?”‘
“Because it did not only get started with your MIL violating your boundaries, it continued with your husband not believing you.”
“(More than once! he made you take a pregnancy test in front of him…why, exactly?).”
“And then your MIL continued violating your privacy by announcing your ‘pregnancy’ to the whole town, robbing you of the occasion to the announcement yourself.”
“But the issue, according to everyone, is not the snooping, is not the distrust, is not the boundaries stomping.”
“It’s hiding something she wasn’t supposed to see had she been a good MIL, in a place she shouldn’t have accessed had she been a good MIL.”
“Where is the lie? Where is the manipulation?”
“NTA.” ~ ChibiSailorMercury
Some felt MIL was capable of more insidious behavior.
“I can’t believe so few people (yet) are mentioning this.”
“If MIL is longing for ‘kids’ (doesn’t hubby count as her child?!) AND also habitually snooping, tampering with birth control is not beyond the realm of possibility.”
“Edit: added missing word ‘beyond'” ~ puppyfarts99
“THIS. OP, check any and all birth control.”
“Check your pills, check for pinholes in condoms, seriously- MIL is brazen.”
“She was daring enough to ‘announce your pregnancy’, even to your husband.”
“And it worries me your husband doesn’t see the issue with his mother.”
“Obligatory NTA.” ~ bexannh
“I thought the exact same thing. I remember an episode of Law & Order SVU where a perpetrator poked pin-holes in condoms.”
“Sounds so crazy, but with OP’s MIL, who knows…”
“Definitely NTA.” ~ Individual-Sign310
Others saw danger in the future.
“OP, please don’t have kids with this guy. His family is a mess, and he’s on their side.”
“He doesn’t believe you when you have a valid suspicion.”
“He cares more about his mom’s feelings than yours.”
“He doesn’t give a sh*t about your privacy or your rights.”
“He didn’t apologize when he discovered he was wrong about his mom.”
“Instead, he blamed you. He gets angry with you for someone else’s wrongdoing. So many red flags. NTA.” ~ bananapineapplesauce
“People underestimate how much insane in-laws stress a marriage once there are kids AND even if you make it through…”
“Unfortunately in the end, most people turn out just like their parents. No offense to the exceptional people who have overcome crappy families.” ~ angiedoessports
OP did return with an important clarification.
Important info: nothing gets taken or goes missing from the bedroom. just to be clear.”
The real issue here, of course, is that the boundaries set by OP aren’t just trampled on, they are being ignored by someone she trusts.
Be kind where possible, but always remember that your boundaries are important.