Marriage is a beautiful union between consenting adults.
The actual event can happen for any number of reasons, but the bond forged is one of choice, commitment, and consent.
The trouble is that sometimes, not everyone affected by such a life-altering moment is necessarily happy with the change.
So, what happens when the person you’re married to rubs someone else in your life the wrong way?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Raoyee3 when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
He asked:
“AITA for leaving my son’s wedding after he denied his stepmom a mother-son dance”
OP started with the background.
“My son ‘Jordan’ is 27.”
“His stepmom ‘Natalie’ came into his life when he was 16.”
“His mom had passed away when he was 13.”
He also referenced an underlying issue.
“Jordan never really considered Natalie as his mom.”
“He refused to let her get close and shut down every attempt to have a close relationship. He even moved in with his aunt months after Natalie and I got married.”
“As years went by, they started reconciling and seeing each other more often. He invited us to his wedding which took place days ago.”
Everything was fine, until…
“We got there, and the atmosphere was great, until later when I found out that Jordan had denied Natalie a mother-son dance and instead chose his aunt to dance with him.”
“Natalie told me this minutes later, and I couldn’t help feel irritated and quite upset.”
“I decided to get up and leave, and we both left.”
“I got calls from my family after they saw me leave.”
“And Jordan called later, and I told him why I did it.”
“He got mad and said it was his wedding and that his aunt is basically a mother to him and said that Natalie shouldn’t expect ‘special treatment.’ I said it’s not special treatment but a tradition.”
Besides that, he hurt her feelings for no reason other than for the sake of being malicious.”
“He got offended and accused me of ruining his day and causing a scene.”
“Now the family sided with him and said I shouldn’t have left no matter what.”
Having explained the issue, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Commenters were appalled at OP’s behavior.
“Wow.”
“YTA.”
“Way to make your son’s wedding all about you and your wife.”
“You already said that he never considered her his mom, so why in the hell did you expect him to invite her to do something that is traditionally for mothers and sons?”
“For all intents and purposes, his aunt is a hell of a lot more of a mother to him than your wife. You are selfish, entitled people.”
“Disgusting, and you should be ashamed.” ~ Top-Musician-4475
“Welp, any progress that his son and wife made in developing any shred of relationship has been flushed down the drain.”
“OP’s relationship with his son will never recover what it was.”
“He LEFT his own son’s wedding. Jesus Christ.”
“If he thought shunning his son at his wedding was ok, it makes me wonder how many times he has done it in the past….”
“Thank goodness his son has a loving family outside of this horrid parent.” ~ jokenaround
“It’s absolutely heartbreaking to think about OP’s son, how mature he was inviting his dad and stepmom, giving them another chance.”
“This was a major.decision.”
“He gave them the chance to make it right after so many wrongs. Instead, they pile on one another… OP and his wife are major AHs.” ~ jana_kane
Others feared for the future.
“Which just made me think about how difficult OP’s entitlement and his wife’s behavior is going to be when Grandchildren enter the picture.”
“OP, don’t you DARE try to force him to have his children call Natalie Grandma or any other honorific.”
“You truly destroyed any chance of that with your drama at his wedding.”
“You’ve behaved like a petulant child who didn’t get the wishbone at Thanksgiving.”
“You made the decision to walk out of your son’s wedding reception because he didn’t honor your wife as his Mother?
“She’s your wife – she has NEVER been his mother and you two likely just destroyed any future possibility of her being perceived as a Grandmother given you two just proved to him and his wife that you do not respect their boundaries or choices.” ~ sometimesblessed
Commenters applauded Jordan’s behavior.
“YTA”
“She was NEVER a mother figure to your son…in fact, he showed you EXACTLY how he felt about her when he MOVED OUT once you moved her into his home.”
“He was kind enough to invite you and your wife to his wedding…but your wife had ZERO right to demand to be treated, in ANY capacity, as the mother of the groom.”
“She is not a replacement mother to him, and your attempts to force that issue will cost you your son if he hasn’t already reached that point with your terrible behavior at his wedding.”
“Thankfully, he had his aunt, who genuinely loves and cares for him and was willing to support him when you decided that your new wife was more important to you than your son.” ~ Key-Bit1208
“What makes him an even bigger AH is:”
“‘Besides that, he hurt her feelings for no reason other than for the sake of being malicious.'”
“OP’s son was honoring his aunt who took him in as a teenager, and all the OP can think was that he was being ‘malicious'”?
“OP doesn’t deserve to be included in any future life events for his son and his family if he is going to act like an entitled, selfish AH.”
“OP and wife need to get over themselves!” ~ CJ_CLT
“So true!”
“I think it showed a lot of maturity that the son has been trying to have a better relationship with his stepmom and he invited both of them.”
“That’s awesome!”
“Now with the way dad and stepmom have acted, this relationship will never be close. It’s unfortunate. Thankfully he has his aunt!” ~ Claire_Bee
Some just pointed out who this event was for.Â
“YTA”
“I find it so hard to believe you’re so surprised. This woman hasn’t been a mom to him. It’s his wedding too.”
“It’s not tradition to dance with your stepmother.” ~ starbright234
“It’s his wedding.”
“End of sentence.”
“Not too.”
“The wedding is the bride and groom’s if you don’t like the decisions they make about their own wedding… Shut the f*ck up.”
“You ignore the things you don’t like because you’re there to support your son, on his and his wife’s day.”
“The stepmother should graciously accept an offer to dance if given, if not, she should not be asking for one or be upset when one doesn’t come.”
“This is something that can easily be talked about before the wedding day.” ~ ttothebiddy
“YTA.”
“Your wife has never been his mother, and he has every right to not have a mother/son dance with her.”
“I strongly suspect this isn’t the first time you’ve chosen your wife over your son and that is probably why he moved in with his aunt.”
“If you want any kind of relationship with your son going forward, I very much recommend both you and your wife apologize for throwing a tantrum at his wedding.” ~ Biera1
There were also suspicions that there were deeper problems here.
“For OP’s son to have moved out after only a few months, I have a feeling the reason is that OP and his wife were trying to force him to accept the stepmom as his ‘mom’ right from the start.”
“And after all that happened, OP’s son invites them both to his wedding, and the OP has the audacity to demand a mother/son dance?”
“Then they leave when they don’t get their way? Wow, there goes any chance of them mending their relationship.”
“YTA” ~ Alarmed_Jellyfish555
There were also, of course, personal stories.
“My parents divorced when I was 6. I live with my mum and stepdad.”
“My dad married my stepmum, Aimee, six months later (he was almost definitely cheating on my mum) and my mum met my stepdad, Sam, when I was 9, and they married in June 2022.”
“I call both of my stepparents by their names, and I am not close to Aimee. I live with my mum and Sam.”
“My dad and Aimee live in a different country.”
“I have two stepsiblings and one half-brother through them, and I have one stepbrother through Sam. (I have one full brother, who also lives with me).”
“My dad and Aimee have made very few attempts to bond with my brother and me.”
“(Brother was 1 when they divorced) We see my dad for three weeks of the year and the rest of his family for one week.”
“I have come to see my Sam as my real father, even if he messes up sometimes.”
“I see my dad as the guy who visits us twice a year and gives us one small gift each for Christmas, and one small gift each off birthdays, £3 max per gift.”
“I hope no one else is in this situation, because the feeling of being unloved by my dad is the worst, and I wouldn’t wish this on nobody.” ~ BlackBoss247
Marriage is a beautiful union between consenting adults.
However, the decision you’ve made to include this new person in your life does not require anyone else to do the same.