Family vacations aren’t always fun and games, especially when new members of the family are introduced.
Redditor Fit-Respond3512 recently experienced just this when she brought her fiancé on her family vacation for the first time.
A disagreement the Original Poster (OP) had led her to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for feedback.
She asked,
“AITA for calling him a ’f*cking embarrassment’?”
She went on to explain some backstory.
“I’ve been seeing my fiance for 4 years now and I came in to the relationship with 2 boys. My boys are now 12 and 9.”
“Once a year me and the boys go to my family’s vacation home with the entire family and up until this year, my fiance did not attend.”
“But now that we are engaged and merging families, the family asked that he come too (they all get along great with him anyways).”
“I explained to him prior to us coming to our family retreat that during our week stay with the family, my kids do not have a bedtime.”
“We do a lot of night activities, such as night swimming in the pool, karaoke, fires, nightly strolls through the neighborhood, etc., etc.”
“So during this week, my kids absolutely do not have a bedtime, and this is how it has always been.”
“I made it clear that bedtime was not to be enforced like it was at home because this is vacation and time with family and I’m not making my kids miss out on the nightly activities.”
“I also explained that due to this, some nights they are up until easily 11-midnight. It’s once a year. It’s no big deal.”
“So he was fully aware, and please note that this is the only time I’ve seen this side of him that I will mention below.”
“We get here the first night, and you can tell he is already uncomfortable with the boys staying up past their bedtime.”
“He was stressing out because the boys were still in the pool at 10 pm and he felt they should be in bed already.”
“I reminded him at least twice that we were not enforcing a bedtime here, and he let it go the first night.”
“The second night, 9 pm rolls around, and the boys were still up, and my fiance was dropping comments like ’you’re lucky you’re even still awake right now. You should be in bed’.”
“Saying it right in front of my mom, who looked mortified that he had such an attitude. I told him to cut the f*cking shit in private.”
“He tells me he thinks it’s f*cked up and that it’s going to be terrible trying to get them back on their schedule (never been an issue in the years prior). I stood firm and told him to knock it off and let it go.”
“But then last night, my fiance starts angrily sighing every single time he looks at my kids still awake, and I finally pulled him aside and told him he was a f*cking embarrassment because he keeps saying these comments in front of my family, which leads to awkward silences and judgmental glances my way.”
“I warned him prior to coming here, and if he had an issue that he can’t control for a week, then he needs to leave because he’s ruining our trip with his passive-aggressive BS surrounding a bedtime.”
“He told me I’m an AH for making him feel like garbage over wanting to keep the kids on a schedule because it’s ’best for them.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“I know you said this behavior is not his usual, but I would say that this is a prediction of the future with him.”
“He has an opinion that differs from yours. He doesn’t have to agree with you, but he does have to respect your decisions.”
“He doesn’t respect you and can’t control himself. He made a fool of himself and openly showed his disdain to your entire family.”
“Please rethink your relationship. Things may have been smooth in the past because a situation where you disagree has likely never been an issue.” – tatersprout
“NTA, he’s not concerned about the kids keeping a schedule. He’s concerned about maintaining control. When someone shows you red flags, believe them.” – WNY_Canna_review
“NTA. Is this the first time that the power dynamic has completely shifted to you?”
“You’re in your home court now. It’s your rules, your dynamic, your family. You have all the power here.”
“Now, for most people, this isn’t an issue at all. It’s barely notable or noticeable. But this guy clearly simply can’t handle the fact that he’s not in charge here.”
“It’s eating at him to the point of irritability. I’m sorry, but this is him showing you who he really is.”
“Reflect on this, where else have you clearly seen his control issues, but you dismissed them? They’re there, all around you.” – CarterPFly
“NTA”
“The mask is slipping.” – Maddax_McCloud
“NTA- you told him what the traditions and schedules were for this schedule which is not unreasonable.”
“Fiancé was being rude and controlling by trying to impose his opinion on you all, especially as it was his first time attending.”
“Is he often this forceful with his opinions?” – Far-Juggernaut8880
“NTA. Your kids, your family, your tradition.”
“This might be the first time he’s showing it, but I would be concerned that it comes out more and more after you tie the knot.”
“You two need to have a serious conversation about it because that is a red flag. It screams controlling behavior.” – jdr0p
“I just read your replies. Here’s my question. Why are you still with him?”
“Once you marry him, those kids’ life will be hell, and it will be your fault. When someone shows you their true self…believe them.”
“He’s an a** from the word go. Telling your kids, they have to ask to access the fridge? In your own home? Come on.” – New-Birthday6998
“NTA”
“His reaction to this seems so disproportionate – your children staying up late on holiday is normal, and you’ve done it before with no issues.”
”For someone who had never been on holiday with you before, he seems to strongly believe he knows what’s best, which is worrying.”
“By trying to micromanage bedtimes, he’s also micromanaging everyone else’s holiday. I hope he’s not this controlling in other aspects of your life.”
“What’s he going to be like when your children are teenagers and want to stay out late?” – geordiehippo
“NTA, and I hate saying this, but this might be a chance to learn something.”
“You mentioned that he gets along great with your family generally and has just never been on this exact annual trip before.”
“You didn’t mention who that family includes – if it includes a father or brother (BIL would work in a pinch), have them pull him aside and explain that it’s more relaxed here.”
“Now, ideally, your family member will be decent enough to feel a little gross and weird about the implications here (my dad and brother sure would), but that’s not actually the thing we’re trying to learn.”
“We’re trying to learn if he heeds the advice of a male family member over yours.”
“If he’s suddenly much finer with it, having heard it from a fellow Family Patriarch, you’ve learned what you need to know.”
“If he doubles down on bedtime and gets angry that your family would dare meddle in your marriage, well, you’ve also learned what you need to know.”
“Good luck 💕”
“Edit: there are, of course, many outcomes. It’s just that those two are the especially interesting ones.” – Hedgehogahog
“NTA, and please reassure your kids they’ve done nothing wrong. They’ll be picking up on all the looks and comments. He’s building a big wedge between him and them.” – Pleasant-Heron2441
“NTA – red flags, red flags, red flags” – CZ1988_
“NTA -“
“1. They are not his kids”
“2. does he even like them?”
“3. what other red flags can u recall?” – iamwendstogram
“NTA 🚩CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR🚩” – TeddyBadgr
“NTA, and I am not trying to accuse you of lying, but I do not believe you that this is the first time he has acted like this.”
“If he was not like this before, then why would you even need to tell him and reiterate that the boys will not have a bedtime.”
“I could be wrong, but it sounds like part of you was preparing for pushback from him before you ever even left.” – No_You1539
“NTA. You had one simple rule, and he chooses to keep violating it. He even experienced the kids coming back from this trip before and has seen them recover from it.”
“Is he always this controlling cause this sounds really creepy, trying to control your kids like this.” – Tomatillo603
“NTA”
“Your fiancé absolutely is, though.”
“You told him ahead of time and have reminded him that they have no bedtime. He truthfully sounds egotistical to believe that his opinion on this matter is more important than yours.”
“You both might want to sit down with a therapist and discuss your expectations and boundaries of him in regards to your children before you get married.” – Sweater_Kittens5425
Will they make it down the aisle? Only time will tell.
But we wish this family luck as their blend their lives and their co-parenting responsibilities.