Spending money can be a lot of fun.
But a lot of people don’t get to spend a lot of money.
Funds are tight in this economy.
So when someone is spending cavalierly, people may get ornery.
But if someone has earned every penny, isn’t that their right?
Redditor Rich-Plane2730 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for letting my daughter flaunt her expensive items?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (50 F[emale]) and my husband (48 M[ale]) have a daughter, Danica (21 F), who has been extremely independent her whole life.”
“Danica began working at 15 and now works part-time for a large corporation while pursuing her studies.”
“We are extremely proud of her and how hard she has worked.”
“We generally allow her to manage her own finances, and she insists on contributing monthly to family expenses with the money she earns.”
“Danica occasionally likes to make pricier purchases, which I do not have any concern over, as I think they are sensible, financial choices.”
“Like last year, she decided to purchase the newest MacBook as her old laptop was on its last leg, and she wanted something reliable and long-lasting, and when she bought a Marc Jacobs bag for work and university.”
“We recently went on a family trip with my brother and his family, who have two kids of their own, Tammy (20 F) and Nick (23 M).”
“His kids and Danica aren’t exactly close, but they get along fine for the most part.”
“I know that Tammy and Nick do not have any source of income besides my brother and have not worked a day in their life.”
“During the trip, Danica would occasionally pay for the 3 of them for small things like drinks or food.”
“When we were shopping, Danica bought a few items for herself and picked up gifts she wanted to bring back to her friends.”
“During dinner that night, my S[ister]-[I]n-L[aw] (brother’s wife) told my husband and me that we were spoiling Danica too much with her purchases.”
“We explained that Danica earned her own money, and every cent came from her job.”
“Sister-in-law then proceeded to point and tell Danica that if that was the case, she shouldn’t be flaunting her purchases and items in front of her cousins, who don’t have a ‘cushy little office job’ and parents who ‘spoiled her into the person she is.'”
“Danica apologized politely, saying that she didn’t mean to flaunt her things, but I could tell that she was upset and embarrassed.”
“My husband stood up and shot back, saying that Danica shouldn’t have to apologize for her own hard work.”
“I also pointed out that Danica has been financially independent since she was 15 and that we’ve always done our best not to spoil her.”
“Sister in Law then proceeded to tell us that we weren’t teaching her how to manage her finances correctly and that all this money had turned her into a little ‘brat’.”
“Danica excused herself to the bathroom and texted that she had gone back to the hotel.”
“We had a tense back and forth for the rest of the dinner, and we came back to finding Danica crying in her hotel room.”
“I called my brother, hoping that he is able to talk to his wife, but he explained that for the past few days, Tammy had been crying to her parents about not having what Danica had.”
“She had been whining to her mum that she wanted the newest MacBook, as well, but she refused to get it for her.”
“Myself, Danica, and my Husband have been getting calls from the rest of the family, some calling us A-holes and some who were willing to hear us out and understand where we were coming from.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“So two grown adults complain to their parents about what a third grown adult has bought with her own money?”
“Do they not realise how pathetic that sounds?”
“NTA, your daughter has done nothing wrong.” ~ HelloAll-GoodbyeAll
“A 20-year-old crying to her parents about what she doesn’t have.”
“A 21-year-old having financial independence and purchasing her own belongings.”
“I think we all know who the “little brat” is in this scenario.”
“Please don’t subject your daughter to their emotional abuse anymore.”
“She shouldn’t be forced to vacation, or hang out, with people who talk so poorly about her to her face and behind her back.” ~ pickensgirl
“Tammy can go and get herself a damn job if she wants what Danica has – and their whole family can apologise to Danica while they’re at it – in fact, I’d let your brother know you won’t be speaking to them again until that happens.”
“Protect your daughter.” ~ SafeWord9999
“I’d sit down with Tammy and explain how things work in your family, how you raised your daughter to be a strong and independent woman.”
“Perhaps Tammy and her brother will come to realize that their parents did them no favors by not insisting they get jobs when they were young.”
“NTA, be proud of the young woman she is.”
“The only thing I suggest is to talk about finances in general.”
“I taught my kids to save for their future (retirement plan, don’t take any of it out unless a medical emergency), pay all your bills, have a slush fund for emergencies/big expenses, then what’s left you can spend however you want.”
“My son had his fridge and furnace go out in feb in a very cold northern state.”
“He had the money to pay for it.”
“After, he adjusted his spending so he could redirect some of the money to replenish his slush fund.” ~ mca2021
“Your brother’s wife is a jealous bully.”
“Danica has every right to spend her own money on what she wishes.”
“She should be congratulated for doing so well for herself at an early age.”
“The only criticism I have of you is talking about ‘allowing’ or ‘letting’ Danica do things.”
“Danica is an adult.”
“It is not your decision anymore.”
“But definitely in this conflict, NTA.” ~ Wise_Session_5370
“NTA. I’m trying to figure out a nice way to say this, but if their kids can’t handle seeing someone with a MacBook and a Marc Jacobs bag, which are nice items and not cheap, but also not ridiculously expensive, they’re going to have a tough time ahead.”
“A MacBook is something that can last for a pretty long time.”
“Same with a Marc Jacobs bag.”
“Plus, it’s possible to buy both used or on sale. Or both.”
“Nothing you’ve said makes it seem like she’s really ‘flaunting’ her money or even engaging in over-the-top consumerism.”
“And even if she was, she’s an adult and that’s her business.”
“It’s not your place to control her.”
“If anything, she’s teaching them a lesson they should have learned years ago: If they want more disposable income than their parents provide, they need to get a job.” ~ CleanProfessional678
“NTA, although I find your choice of language a bit odd.”
“I don’t understand what you mean by ‘letting’ or ‘allowing’ your daughter to do things with her money.”
“She’s 21, an adult, you don’t get a say in it?”
“But because of that, it’s also obviously not your responsibility how she presents or uses her money, and there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with how she used it, so yeah, NTA.” ~ DryEnvironment1007
“NTA. Your daughter is highly independent and deserves every bit of what she buys.”
“She’s smart, resourceful, honestly, what every parent wants their child to be.”
“Your sister in law is just jealous of her success and that her children are not like that at all… which is unfortunately her fault due to the way she raised her kids.”
“Not only that, but if her kids are asking for a MacBook and she does not want to buy it for them but wants them to earn it, she should tell them to seek out their own job to work hard at what they want to acquire.”
“They are 20 and 23 years old 🫢.” ~ Adorable-Reason5928
“NTA- not yours or Danica’s problem if they are jealous.”
“If anyone is a brat, it is your S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw] for mocking your daughter’s hard work and being able to afford the things she has.”
“Sounds like your B[rother]-I[n]-L[aw] and SIL have raised lazy children who expect to have things handed to them.”
“If your family has issues with it, too bad.”
“Tell Danica to be proud of what she has achieved.”
“I would cut off the SIL until she apologizes and gets her act together.”
“Nice job on raising a wonderful daughter and a productive member of society!!” ~ Remote-Visual7976
“NTA. Put some boundaries with those family members.”
“My husband and I wouldn’t put up with this s**t.”
“Your daughter needs to be protected. “
“She’s a wonderful, thoughtful young lady.”
“Their lack of finances is not her problem.”
“They need to apologize to her, especially the aunt.”
“She should blame herself for her inability to provide extra things for her daughter, or for not letting their kids have financial independence by getting a job.”
“An adult attacking a teenager shows she’s not at all an adult.” ~ donname10
“Absolutely 100% NTA!”
“I’m proud of your daughter and both of you as parents.”
“Sounds like SIL is a jealous little beech who taught her kids nothing about life.” ~ Original-Article2781
“NTA at all.”
“Yeah, the things are pricey.”
“But she paid for them herself.”
“She shouldn’t be made to feel bad about the fact that others cannot afford it and get jealous.” ~ tvzotherside
Reddit is with you, OP.
Danica earns her coin.
She should spend it how she sees fit.
Your family needs to step back and mind their own business.
She’s also sharing, not flaunting.
Good for you, Danica.