Straight Woman Stunned After Friends Try To Force Her To Come Out As Gay At Group Dinner

If there is still room for improvement, and things have recently taken a change for the worse, we nonetheless live in a fairly accepting world.

Even so, some people are still very self conscious about being open about who they are.

And might not find the courage to freely express themselves until much later in life.

Hopefully, when they do so, they will have the unconditional love and support of their friends and family.

Redditor florie_alessia's physical appearance often resulted in people making incorrect, and wholly unwarranted assumptions about her.

Including many of her friends, who finally took it upon themselves to try and pressure the original poster (OP) into admitting these assumptions everyone made about her were true.

Something the OP did not appreciate one bit, as these assumptions were completely false.

Having some regret about how she handled things with her friends, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for yelling at my friends and leaving dinner after they all made fun of me and gave me a gay intervention?"

The OP explained how a recent dinner out with her friends turned into an unwanted and unnecessary intervention:

"I (21 F[emale]) went out to dinner with 5 friends, 1 guy, 4 girls."

"For context, I look very masculine (short hair, deep voice, no makeup, masculine style, etc.), sometimes I get mistaken for a man."

"Usually if it's by someone I'm never gonna see again i.e. cashier/waiter I don't really care to correct them."

"My friends and I were having dinner at a nice fancy place and the waiter came to our table and he mistook me for a man."

"One of my friends responds 'Oh, she's not a man, she's just a lesbian'."

"Everyone laughs and the waiter apologized."

"After he left, I asked my friend 'why did you say that?'."

"I have never said or indicated in any way that I'm a lesbian, because I'm not."

"I've never had a boyfriend, but that's because I'm not interested in a romantic relationship, but we have talked about male celebrities we find attractive."

"I thought it was clear I was straight."

"My friend rolled her eyes at my question and said 'Oh c'mon, we all know you're a lesbian'."

"I was shocked."

"More friends jumped in and said 'yeah, you don't have to lie to us'."

"I wasn't lying."

"They started making jokes about me 'dressing like a lesbian', 'hiding my sexuality', 'being in a glass closet', 'everyone knows', 'it's 2025 no one cares', etc."

"It all seemed like it wasn't a joke and they actually believed it."

"One of my friends Eva even joked 'you were obviously in love with Ines'."

"I showed genuine shock at this remark and she reassured me 'It's okay, we all don't mind if you're gay'."

"Ines was an on/off childhood friend of mine and our friendship ended badly a few months ago, I was very upset by it and confided in my friends."

"I never thought they would use it against me."

"I told them firmly that I'm not a lesbian, this isn't funny and I was not in love with Ines."

"Once they saw I was being serious about this, their tone and attitude became less jokey."

"They started lecturing me on self-acceptance, being in denial, internalized homophobia (I'm not homophobic), heteronormativity, compulsory heterosexuality, etc."

"It was like some sort of gay intervention."

"I found it absolutely ridiculous."

"I yelled at them for being bad friends because I couldn't even dress how I want or talk to them about my troubles and I left the restaurant."

"It's the morning after and I have serious regret, I don't know what to say to them and what to do."

"AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
• NAH – No A**holes Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for yelling at her friends.

Everyone agreed that the OP's friends were completely out of line, and their behavior would have been even worse if the OP was actually in the closet, as no one should ever be pressured to come out if they weren't ready:

"'I was really upset last night -- not because you thought I was gay, but because you refused to listen to me when I tried to correct your error'."

"'It's also super insulting that you were accusing me of homophobia...'"

"'Yes, you couched it in terms of 'internalized homophobia' but it's really insulting to assume I'm bigoted against gay people just because I wasn't willing to lie about my identity to placate you guys'."

"'It's also pretty insulting to actual lesbians to minimize their identity by assuming it's nothing more than a fashion statement'."

"'It's not supportive to virtue signal while literally dismissing someone's stated orientation just because you think you know more about their identity than they do'."

"NTA."

"It was very AH-ish for them to refuse to accept what you were telling them just because it didn't match their preconceived notions."

"And while yelling in public should be avoided -- if only to not bother other people minding their own business -- you were certainly provoked."

"And it makes sense to leave a situation where you are being bullied for your very identity."- DinaFelice

"NTA."

"I'm a lesbian and was actually in a glass closet."

"It wasn't because I preferred a masculine style (that actually came afterwards when I felt more comfortable), it was because I treated my boyfriends like friends and spoke highly of women in terms of aesthetics."

"That's a glass closet."

"My friends did the same to me and I found out there was even a bet even on when I'd come out, my sexuality, etc."

"Do you think that helped me come out?"

"No!"

"It forced me in deeper for years when I was about to come out to myself."

"It's isolating for anyone to be forced into a label that they don't associate with."

"This isn't an issue of straight people doing this either."

"It's just people projecting their perception of who they think you are onto you."

"It happens with sexuality, gender, race, and much more."

"Even if you were gay, in the closet, or anything else it's not their place to stage an intervention."

"If anything, that was homophobic in of itself!"

"They honest to God needed that wake up call to not force their perceptions onto you or at least take you at your word."

"It's okay to feel bad, but once you feel you've cooled off and settled your feelings on the matter I'd reach out to discuss what happened preferably in private."

"You really don't have anything to feel bad over either since this is seriously, solidly their fault."

"They shouldn't be making assumptions like that at least and should just recognize you're confident and comfortable with yourself- that's what matters."- All_Or_Nothing_247

"Hell no!"

"NTA!"

"Your friends suck!"

"Not for assuming that you are lesbian."

"That is ok."

"But you made it very clear that a) the topic upsets you and b) that you are not a lesbian."

"That would have been the moment to apologize to you for the wrong assumption - but instead they doubled down and 'lectured you'."

"Idiots."

"I am really sorry, OP. But don't go running back to your friends."

"They need to apologize."

"They are the ahs here."

"Not you!"

"You could always sleep with their boyfriends tho to proof your heterosexuality."

"That would shut them up."- A9J9B

"NTA."

"I'm just like you just a bit older."

"37 years old woman with huge tattoos, piercings, super short hair, deep voice because of an illness a couple of years ago, getting all of my clothes in the men's section."

"I am often mistaken for a man."

"Not ONCE have my friends pulled such a stunt and I share a house with my best friend who happens to be a woman as well."

"If you regret your own actions apologize for the way you acted but not for the reason you acted and call them out for the way they ganged-up on you."

"Depending on how they react, you know which level of friendship you have with them."- toffifeeandcoffee

"NTA."

"It's okay for friends to try to let their friend know that they accept them for who they are."

"But they crossed a line when they decided they weren't going to actually listen to you."

"Their care was more performative than actual care for you."

"If you are worried, you could reach out an apologize for losing your cool, but stress that you meant it, and that you really didn't appreciate them making assumptions about you and not taking you seriously."

"A real friend will take that in and then apologize."

"If they get defensive, well, there's your answer."- Eugenides

The OP's friends might think they are being loving and supportive, when in fact they are doing far more harm than good.

If their inaccurate assumptions were true, then the most helpful thing they could do would be to NOT pressure the OP into coming out.

Hard as it may be for some people to understand, people remain in the closet for a variety of reasons.

And the closet door should only be opened by the one inside it, and not by someone else from the outside.