When someone decides they want to have a baby, there’s a general sense of excitement that goes into the planning and picking out of a baby name.
For one woman, this last point was especially important, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Tmill08 had diligently picked out a name for the baby she hoped to have someday, only for something unfortunate to happen.
After being ridiculed for her reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was overthinking it.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for being upset about a stolen name?”
The OP and her husband have struggled to get pregnant.
“My husband (26 [male]) and I (28 [female]) have been trying for over 2 years to have a baby.”
“I do have PCOS and other fertility issues so it’s been a struggle.”
“We were pregnant, and had a miscarriage at 7 weeks, and have had trouble ever since then.”
But through it all, the OP had a best friend.
“My best friend (29 [female]) of 12 years and I always hoped we would get pregnant around the same time, so our kids had a chance of growing up as besties, as well!”
“Having a friendship that long, we have known the likes and dislikes of each other like the back of our hands.”
“We’ve discussed weddings, and baby names, and future dogs, all of it.”
Then the OP’s best friend found out she was pregnant.
“Well, she found out she was pregnant! I was ecstatic and over the moon for her! I couldn’t have been more excited, and I was definitely excited to gain a niece or nephew!”
“After her anatomy scan, I was given the gender envelope and planned a huge party we had always talked about wanting!”
“At the party, we were happy to announce she was having a girl! A cute little mini to love on!!”
“She was going to use her name she picked out and everything was perfect!”
Then the OP’s best friend decided to use the OP’s baby name instead.
“Well, 2 weeks ago she texted me and told me she was going to use the name I was in love with instead.”
“She said the name I picked just went better with her last name versus mine.”
“I have never in my life felt so hurt. When I voiced that with her, she told me I was overreacting, and had no reason to be mean to her and just let her have the name.”
“I have wanted this name for years and she just swooped it out from under me.”
“[I also want to add,] the name is a name I came up with. I have never heard anyone use this name, which I think is where the hurt comes from the most.”
After the best friend told her to let it go, the OP questioned her reaction.
“I haven’t talked to her much, and just today she said I need to stop being an a**hole, and just be her friend again because ‘it’s only a name.'”
“I know that’s my best friend, but I don’t know if I want to be friends now. I feel as if I can’t trust her.”
“Am I being overdramatic and an a**hole??”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out what a terrible reminder the friend’s baby would be of the OP’s lost pregnancies.
“Nobody can reserve a name but swooping in, using a baby name after you’ve watched your BFF have a miscarriage and struggle with infertility, is deliberately cold and calculated, knowing each time your friend hears it, they’ll think of what they’ve lost.”
“Either that person is really selfish or just short-sighted, but if they were to go ahead and use the name, I’d be done with them. It’s pouring salt in the wounds.”
“This is also why nobody should tell baby names to anyone until they are trying to conceive or just generally come up with a bulls**t baby name to hand out. People are actually jerks about names” – raya__85
“Because when you have a name you created and picked out it’s special, but when you have infertility struggles and really just want that ONE BABY, it hurts like h**l to see people get that.”
“You can be happy for them, but you still dream of that child with the name you are set on and hold on hope, and when someone close to you uses that name, you are forced to see a weird alternative reality where maybe you had that kid.”
“It hurts so much more, I lost a child, my family hasn’t used the name Gideon out of respect” – RetroRian
“This is something very important that, to me, makes this different than most baby name drama.”
“I’ve lost three pregnancies, and each time, someone close to me has been pregnant with a due date within 2 weeks of what mine would have been. Two of those babies have been born (the third comes in October), and I love those kids. But it hurts. When I see them, my heart aches.”
“If somebody I trusted had chosen to put me in that heartbreaking state of what-might-have-been… it would destroy our relationship.” – Jazzmadoodle
Others said names can’t be reserved, but this particular situation felt malicious anyway.
“Normally I would vote no AH. However, with her extraordinarily cruel ‘I’m using the name you picked out because it goes better with my last name’ moves you to NTA.”
“True you can’t reserve a name, but I get why you are hurt.”
“If [and] when you do have the opportunity to use the same name, she’ll be all offended that you are being petty to copy her. It’s not just about the names. I wouldn’t be her friend anymore either.” – Annalirra
“NTA – You can’t reserve names, but she’s your best friend. . . There’s a higher standard here.”
“If it were me I’d tell her, ‘That really hurts me and I can’t stop you, but I’m still using the name if I get pregnant.'”
“Then watch as her ‘it’s just a name’ tune changes.” – BeepBlipBlapBloop
“The way I see it, which may be wrong and just me, is that the BFF is indirectly saying ‘it’s not that big of a deal, you would never be able to use it anyway since you cannot have kids’.”
“IMO (in my opinion), it’s not just a stolen name but a dig at OP fertility stuggles plus the added hurt of watching someone take away your dream from you and see them living your dream life.”
“Edit: to OP. I hope that you will soon get your little prince or princess and that they will fill your life with love and joy.” – amadkmimi
Some also said this would end the friendship for them.
“That’s the issue, OP is having trouble conceiving and infertility issues are really devastating to people ready for children.”
“Her ‘BFF’ at the most is using the name knowing full well OP made it up on her own for her future child and may never be able to conceive, and at the least is using it knowing she beat OP to the punch after her ‘BFF’ has been trying for years.”
“It’s f**king s**tty, completely disregarding her ‘BFF’s’ feelings, and the ‘it goes better with my last name’ but is basically a ‘tough s**t, I got pregnant before you.'”
“OP, this woman is not your friend.”
“At 26, a friendship for 12 years seems super important, but I promise you the years don’t matter. It’s super common to outgrow the people from your youth in your 20s, and I know plenty of happy elderly people that tell me that they didn’t meet their best friend of 30-40 years until they were in their 30s and 40s.”
“Do yourself a favor and let your twenties be the time of your life where you clean toxic people out of your life. You will find your people. Clearly, this friendship has run its course. Your ‘BFF’ is a huge AH.” – -DollFace
“While no one really has the right to gatekeep any name, taking the name you know your best mate has had her heart set on for her child for ages is a really low blow.”
“Keep the name and drop the friend, OP. NTA for being really hurt at her backstabbing.” – Far_Administration41
“Tell her, ‘You are welcome to use any name you want, but I am free to be hurt and to never view you the same again. You’ve decided taking the name I chose was more important than our friendship, so I guess I know that now.'”
“‘Call me whatever names you like, but it doesn’t take away my hurt feelings. I think it’d be best if we had some distance from each other from this point forward, so we both can do what we feel is best.'”
“‘Also, when I do have a child, that child will have the same name. Have a good life.'”
“I think it is VERY important in these situations to make it very clear that the relationship will never be the same. Chances are you will not want to be around a child with the name you picked out and a constant reminder of your friend’s betrayal. She should know that.”
“And if she still chooses to use the name, she can’t say she didn’t know.”
“I also highly recommend blocking her on social media. This type of person is probably going to try to get people on her side, and you don’t need any of that.” – crystallz2000
We’re guessing the OP picked quite the name for two women to potentially end their friendship over it.
But the subReddit was in agreement on this one: though a name may seem like a fairly small thing to some, the sentimental value is something that should be respected, especially by a best friend.