Most engaged couples put the main focus on their outfits and those of the wedding party.
But some newlyweds really like to be in control of the all guests’ ensembles as well.
This can lead to some touchy situations when certain people don’t have what is required.
Case in point…
Redditor etoile-kim wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for wearing a romper and not a dress at a wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (16 genderfluid) was recently at a close relative’s wedding with my family (just guests, not as part of the bridal party or anything).”
“The dress code the bride told us (and that was on the invite) was that women wore dresses and men had to wear something similarly formal e.g., a suit.”
“I am A[ssigned] F[emale] A[t] B[irth] so I was told I would have to wear a dress.”
“I don’t identify as a woman, however, so I wasn’t comfortable with this and asked for a potential compromise on my outfit.”
“She insisted that I wore a dress.”
“Cut to when my family were ordering their wedding clothes/figuring out their outfits.”
“My parents asked if I had found anything suitable, and I sent them a link to a romper that looks very much like a dress at first glance, it’s genuinely not noticeable unless you look closely that the bottom part is not a skirt.”
“We got the romper, it arrives, and everything is fine.”
“I wore it to the wedding, and for the first part, everything seems ok until I am pulled along too hard by a kid and end up tripping and falling face first, sprawled out on the floor.”
“As everyone nearby gathers around to see what happened, the bride notices that the bottom part of my outfit is shorts and not a skirt, and loses her sh*t and starts screaming at me that she made it clear I needed to wear a dress and that I was being selfish by going against her wishes on her special day.”
“I’m pretty sensitive and also hate loud noise as I’m autistic, so I start crying because the mix of pain from scraping my leg and her loud voice yelling is enough to overstimulate me pretty badly.”
“My cousin leads me away to treat my wound, the bride stalks off still fuming, and won’t speak to us for the rest of the night until we eventually leave at the end of the wedding.”
“I was reassured by some members of my family that I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But I’m still super hung up over it and wondering if it was bad of me to wear that.”
“I’m happy to provide a link to my outfit if anyone wants to see it to gauge for themselves.”
“This is was what I wore.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Dress codes for non-wedding party members are usually for a level of formality, not a prescription for a particular article of clothing.”
“If you can’t even tell the outfit isn’t up to code without a trip & fall accident (I hope you’re OK!), I can’t see what the problem would be.” ~ AdmiralBofa
“And in fact your outfit was all the better if you DID have a trip and fall accident since you didn’t have to flash the world.”
“Talk about practical!”
“You chose a great-looking outfit that made you feel comfortable and suited the occasion; her reaction was mean, unreasonable and wildly excessive, so don’t you worry, firmly NTA.” ~ AiryContrary
“Yep, it sounds like the bride has an issue with OP being genderfluid.”
“Given the popularity of formal jumpsuits and playsuit, the ‘dresses’ stipulation rather than just cocktail or semi-formal dress codes seems like it was designed for OP specifically.” ~ Estrellathestarfish
“I think you’re exactly right.”
“Does anyone actually believe that if a non-related woman had worn a classy pants suit, the bride would’ve attacked them?”
“She flipped out because she told OP they aren’t allowed to be genderfluid at her wedding, and they found a loophole.” ~ AlyBlue7
“Yeah, bridezilla sounds like some of my extended family that is obsessed with gender roles, hating others, and worrying about what other people do with their own lives.”
“They specifically wanted their ‘weird’ relative to fit in or whatever other logic they came up with.”
“I get that OP is 16 so they probably had no choice in avoiding this, but these people are not worth anyone’s time once you have independence.”
“I’d avoid them and definitely never do what they say. NTA.” ~ tourguide1337
“I dunno, this feels specifically like transphobia to me, particularly the must wear a dress, non-binary identity not accepted.”
“I don’t think she’d’ve flipped if it was a dress with feminine underwear underneath.”
“NTA, for sure.” ~ quiidge
“I mean, women had rocked pant suits and those long rompers for years now.”
“It does not mean they are not women.”
‘I hate the idea that if she wanted to wear something that was not a dress, she was trans.”
“And I hate the idea that, if she is genderfluid, she needs to wear whatever her sex wears.”
“People can wear whatever they want, provided it is formal wear and not white.”
“Why do people care?”
“There’s this kid on Instagram who loves dresses.”
“He’s a boy, not trans, and there are so many people who complain.”
“Some say he must be trans (he is not, he’s sure of that), and some say that dresses are not appropriate.”
“Say that to the kilt-wearing masculine guys up in Scotland.”
“Say it with me: clothes don’t have gender!!!” ~ RG-dm-sur
“I’m very confused by the bride exploding about this whole situation over not seeing OP flash the world some undies?”
“Like someone falls face first down in the middle of your wedding, and you rush over, and your first concern is that their dress is actually a romper?”
“OP could’ve been seriously hurt or at least incredibly embarrassed (as most people would be when wearing a dress in this scenario) wearing the romper instead kind of saved the moment.”
“She should be happy?” ~ PossumJenkinsSoles
OP came back with some deets…
“Not attending wasn’t really an option, she was marrying a close family member, and we were pretty much expected to be there.”
“My parents said that I needed to come as well.”
“This is the most feminine item I own by far, and the discomfort is mainly subconscious with dysphoria and all.”
“And the being forced into a gender binary when that’s not who I am.”
“Plus, I enjoy the security of not worrying if my skirt will fly up in the wind.”
“I would’ve much preferred a pantsuit or something but knew that wouldn’t go, so this was the closest thing to fitting dress code I could find.”
“I am perfectly fine with providing photos of the professional photo prints they had done of the event when they are ready (as evidence), it just might take a while.”
“My reddit username is a fake name for safety.”
Reddit continued…
“You know, like an hour ago, I was telling someone that in no universe would someone who wore a romper to a formal wedding be considered NTA, and then here’s your post.”
“Congratulations, you found the exception.”
“The romper matches the level of formality of the event (a miracle in and of itself), and was literally indistinguishable from a dress until you fell.”
“The bride then lost her sh*t not because you didn’t meet the formal dress code.”
“But because you had secret shorts on underneath the ruffles that no one could see until you fell.”
“This is like being angry that someone fell down and you couldn’t see up their skirt because you discovered they were actually wearing a skort.”
“Good Lord.”
“You’re NTA, and this would have been major bridezilla sh*t to pull on anyone, but it is especially cruel in this situation.”
“The romper looks gorgeous, by the way.” ~ hwutTF
“I opened the post under almost the same pretenses.”
“A romper instead of a dress?”
“I dunno… But seeing the romper alone is a NTA.”
“It’s a dress with a skort underneath. It’s beautiful.”
“It makes OP feel more comfortable.”
“Reading OP’s take on things, I thought it would be a win/win for everyone.”
“Seriously, OP went as close to wearing a dress as they were comfortable doing so.”
‘Hell, I don’t like skirts when they aren’t long because they limit my movement.”
“I might wear this instead of a dress just for peace of mind!”
“Totally appropriate for a dress-required wedding.”
“Take out the skort, and the bride wouldn’t have taken a second glance.”
“Why the bride had to be controlling down to that insignificant of a detail points to a problem with the bride, not OP.” ~ Kilrona
“I’m a woman who generally likes dresses, and I’ve worn pantsuits and rompers to weddings in the past purely because I felt like it.”
“It’s never been a problem.”
“I’d also add that dress codes should generally be a bit less restrictive for children or teens purely because they probably don’t already own formal wear.”
“NTA, your cousin was being unreasonable and cruel, and I suspect that good old transphobia was at play.” ~ thedarlingbuttsofmay
“NTA. What is it with all these brides suddenly deciding they have more control over their guest’s dress choices than selecting one of the standard dress codes?”
“No, bride, you don’t get to insist that women wear dresses versus nice pants suit, or a nice romper that looks like a dress.” ~ PurpleMarsAlien
OP, Reddit is with you.
You chose what you felt was right.
You weren’t trying to hurt anyone or steal focus.
Try to keep smiling!
Good luck.