Being left out of special events can really sting.
It’s especially hurtful when one is left out of something special that includes people they’re really close to.
Or people they “thought” they were really close to.
Situations like these can make a person evaluate their trust and relationship with everyone.
Redditor Affectionate_Form_60 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA For Being Offended Over Not Being Included In My Family’s Matching ‘I Love You’ TATOO?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Since my Dad left, my Mom, Sister and I have been tight.”
“We’re there for each other, ya know?”
“Some days ago, my Mom and Sister came home spontaneously with matching ‘I Love You 3,000’ tattoos.”
“I asked them why I hadn’t been invited or included and my Mom snapped at me saying ‘They’re inspired by that dumb Marvel movie your sister likes you wouldn’t have wanted one.'”
“Um hello?”
“I love Marvel and have been collecting comics and memorabilia for years it’s what she gets me for my birthday and Christmas every year I would have loved to participate, and that’s what I told her.”
“Then she changed her answer saying, ‘Not everything has to be equal and that’s life, sometimes you just don’t get included in family things.'”
“There’s this concert this weekend we’re supposed to go to however I’m planning on staying home much to their anger.”
“They’re telling me I’m overreacting; however, I just don’t feel like going out with them right now.”
“I don’t know how to feel.”
“I don’t wanna overreact. It is just a tattoo, but I feel bad being left out, especially since we’ve talked about matching tattoos for years.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, Reddit — AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your mom’s response was pretty dismissive of your feelings.”
“Sometimes people do that when they don’t care how you feel, but also sometimes people do that when they feel really guilty the second they realize their mistake – so they avoid it.”
“I’m betting, assuming things are usually good with your mom and sister, that this was option #2.”
“Unfortunately, a lot of the time, we don’t get apologies for option #2 because shame makes people act like jerks.”
“So, I’d try and really sit with how you feel about this and determine what you need to move on – and then ask your mom and sis if they can accommodate that need.”
“Make it tangible – like ‘Can we plan a tat for all 3 of us that we’ll get by a specific time?’”
“If it’s option #2, and you approach them calm and collected with your ask – it should go well.” ~ Many_Worlds_Media
“Sorry, there’s no coming back from that kind of hurt.”
“Being the one excluded that way is a terrible blow to one’s self-esteem and sense of belonging.”
“She will never feel the same about her relationship with her mother or her sister, she’s forever the odd man out.”
“My heart hurts for OP.” ~ uTop-Artichoke5020
“This is the exact same that I went through.”
“I’m a funeral director and have always been on call except for one holiday per year.”
“The last holiday that I planned to attend with them, they changed plans and ended up all traveling three states over and camping for a week.”
“I was not told or invited.”
“That one stung when they all started posting their best family holiday pics.”
“That’s how I found out.”
“From that day forward, never again.”
“One of my distant third cousins randomly reached out and invited me two years ago to a small family party.”
“My mom wasn’t close to this side of the family so it was so refreshing.”
“They were absolutely shocked at how I was treated also.”
“I can relate to your personal story so much. I’m so sorry that you were treated like this too.” ~ REDDIT
“My dad passed 2 weeks after I got married.”
“My mom, myself, and my 2 siblings all talked about going together to get remembrance tattoos for him.”
“I also live about an hour from the rest of my family… they all went and got their tattoos together and never said a word to me that they were going.” ~ Hairy-University-287
“Wow, that’s horrible.”
“When my father died, my oldest daughter (16) asked if she could get a tattoo to remember him, and we ended up designing it together so we could both get it.”
“We then showed the design to her younger siblings to approve, as they too would be allowed to get it when old enough.”
“I can’t imagine leaving them out of that.”
“I’m really sorry they did that to you.” ~ satanic_**ore
“You WERE left out and you are feeling some type of way about that.”
“There is nothing wrong with that.”
“It seems your mom is being defensive because she probably realizes deep down that she messed up.”
“It would be great if she could acknowledge that without you having to tell her.”
“I would explain myself as plainly as possible about the concert and let them know you will get over it, but just not yet. NTA.” ~ RiddLA311
“NTA, but matching mother-daughter tattoos like this, combined with your mother’s cruel reaction to your feelings, makes me think you’ll be glad you maintained a distance from this situation in the long run.”
“Your mom either has some sort of impulse control problem, or your sister is the golden child.”
“Either way, I’d start making healthy connections and build a support system outside of your mother and sister.”
“I’m not saying you need to cut them off, but you need to make sure that they aren’t the only people you have to go to for emotional support.” ~ Yetis-unicorn
“NTA. Your mom sounds mean AF.” ~ DotSuspicious4925
“NTA, you’re always entitled to your own feelings.”
“And I don’t blame you for being hurt, and I’d probably feel hurt too.”
“Take care, OP.” ~ shiny-baby-cheetah
“NTA. Let’s start here: your feelings are valid.”
“This isn’t just about a tattoo—it’s about being left out of a moment that was supposed to reflect love, shared history, and connection.”
“When your mom and sister got matching tattoos, especially ones tied to your interests and the family bond you all share, they created a symbol—and intentionally or not, that symbol excluded you. “
“That hurts.”
“It should hurt.”
“You weren’t asking for identical treatment.”
“You were asking for acknowledgment.”
“For inclusion.”
“For consistency between what they say you mean to them and how they act.”
“Skipping the concert isn’t petty, it’s self-protection.”
“You’re allowed to take space when you’re hurt.”
“If you decide to talk about it later, keep it simple…
“’It wasn’t just about the tattoo.'”
“‘It was about being left out of something that symbolizes love and family, especially when those are things I’ve always valued and wanted to share with you both.'”
“‘When I said I was hurt, I wasn’t trying to guilt-trip anyone.'”
“‘I just wanted to be seen.'”
“And if they can’t hear that, the problem isn’t you.” ~ CrunchM
“NTA sounds like they just simply don’t care.”
“I would just move accordingly from now on.” ~ RuinBeginning776
“NTA, and it’s deeply weird your mom describes the movie that inspired the tattoo as ‘that dumb movie,’ which makes it sound really not meaningful.” ~ JustANoteToSay
“NTA and your mother’s response sounds like it had a bit of spite behind it… be glad you now don’t have a matching tattoo with people who are showing you that they don’t care.” ~ Glittering_Piano_633
“Your mom’s defensiveness indicates she knows she did wrong.”
“I’d be hurt too.” ~ jjjjjjj30
“NTA… you’ve been talking about doing matching tats, you like marvel… I don’t understand your mom’s reason for not including you; she sounds rude and dismissive of your feelings.”
“It’s understandable that you’re upset.” ~ burns91710
“NTA. I feel so bad for what you are feeling. I was frequently left out of family things, and it hurts.”
“Possibly go low contact for a while and evaluate the relationship with them and reset your expectations, get your own place, develop your own journey the way you want.”
“This might be a reoccurring thing you haven’t noticed, and it might be a good time to step back.” ~ Trucksan247
“Is…is everyone forgetting the last sentence?”
“OP said they’d been mentioning matching tats for years.”
“NTA. Sounds like mom and sis have impulse control problems and did this on a whim without thinking it through.”
“Especially considering the fact you’re a Marvel fan and had talked about matching tats.”
“I would feel hurt too.”
“Mom’s response is probably, as some others have said, lashing out due to shame and embarrassment she didn’t think things through and was just like whee spontaneous us!”
“I don’t blame you for not wanting to go to the concert and they can just deal with the consequences.”
“They want you to just be ok and forget it, but you don’t have to.” ~ julianpurple
“NTA. I’m sorry to say this, but your mum sounds like she’s really mean to you.”
“You are allowed to feel hurt by this, especially since it’s something you’ve all talked about before.” ~ WorriedBroccoli266
“NTA – sounds like something my mom and sister would do, and I would react the same way.”
‘Since this is a familiar feeling, the only thing I could advise would be to just keep your distance 🤷🏻♀️.”
“I know my mom and sis never have my best interest, so I just try and keep to myself. Sorry OP, the family just sucks sometimes.” ~ aGirlySloth
“NTA – it’s understandable that you feel hurt, and the way your mom responded was hurtful and dismissive.”
“Your mom and sister are allowed to do things between the two of them.”
“It doesn’t mean that they don’t love you.”
“I don’t agree with people who say that this means your sister is your mom’s favorite.”
“Maybe your sister asked her.”
“Maybe they both like the quote.”
“It really is okay that you feel hurt, especially given how your mom responded.”
“If the concert is something you want to do with them, don’t let this stop you.”
“Have a conversation privately with your mom about how you felt.”
“Honestly, the fact that your mom said that she got a tattoo from ‘that dumb Marvel movie your sister likes,’ says to me that you don’t want to share that particular tattoo anyway.'”
“If I did this special thing with my mom only to have her tell other people that this tattoo was meaningful to me and I thought her, I’d be really hurt.” ~ Happieronthewater
“NTA. ‘Sometimes you don’t get included in family things.'”
“Well, if that’s how she feels then you have the right to decide which family things you take part in.”
“This concert is a family thing, and that’s why you can opt-out.”
“But either way, you should be ready for your mom to do other things like this.”
“I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I do think something has changed.” ~ Deep-Okra1461
“You know damn well you’re not overreacting.”
“Throw it back at her and tell her she’s overreacting, that she doesn’t have to tag along for everything, and sometimes she will be left out of things.”
“What does your sister say?”
“Not gonna lie I’d be pretty upset at both of them.” ~ snakpakkid
“NTA. I would be super mad as well.”
“First of all, whether you enjoy Marvel or not doesn’t enter into it; when someone and one of their daughters get matching tattoos, the other daughter should have the chance to opt in.”
“But they DID know you love Marvel.”
“And then when confronted, they blow you off like ‘Oh well, sometimes you’re just not part of things?'”
“Honestly, this is so disrespectful and hurtful.”
“It very much seems like your mom (I’m reading that she was the driving force here) wanted to exclude you on purpose.”
“This was a targeted slight, and now she’s being snappy with you? Yeah no.”
“Let them know you see them and you’re pissed off.”
“Don’t let them make you out to be in the wrong here.” ~ ksarlathotep
“NTA… hugs I’m so sorry OP; I have a mother like this too.”
“She can’t stand that my sister and my relationship is closer than either of our relationships with her and so she tries to sabotage that all the time.”
“I think this is what your mother is doing.”
“Talk to your sister about it, not your mom.” ~ highly_animated
“NTA. Remind them- sometimes everyone isn’t included in ‘family events.'”
“What I’d do, but I can be a petty jerk, is go to the concert, not with them but with a friend.”
“Bonus points if you can score better seats.” ~ BlindUmpBob
“NTA. Go to the concert.”
“Hard times are just around the corner these days enjoy something pleasant.”
“Your mom’s response is immature and calloused.”
“Feeling left out is valid.” ~ Daxori473
Reddit feels horrible for you, OP.
Your Mom and sister were clearly not thinking about you.
That is sad.
Hopefully, you have some friends or family you can find solace with.