All brides have an idea of how they want their weddings to look and have likely carried that vision with them for most of their lives.
For some brides, this applies not only to their wedding dress and the decor, but also what the bridesmaid, groom, groomsmen, and even the guests wear.
In some extreme cases, if any members of these applicable parties express even the slightest hesitation about this, they might lose their wedding invitation.
Redditor cheesyfrie was not comfortable with the dress her sister instructed her to wear at her upcoming wedding.
Namely, how it would emphasize an aspect of her body she remained very insecure about.
When the original poster (OP) asked her sister if she could wear something else, she was greeted with a hard no.
Resulting in the OP making a drastic decision regarding her involvement in the wedding.
Wondering if she was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not attending my sisters wedding because of her dress code?”
The OP explained why when presented with the choice of either wearing a specific dress or skipping her sister’s wedding, she chose the latter.
“I (18 F[emale]) recently decided I’m not attending my sisters (21 F) wedding.”
“My sister has her dream wedding planned, she has been dreaming of her wedding all her life and has everything down to the t.”
“She has her cake, her venue, her dress, the bridesmaids dresses and the flower arrangements all prepared.”
“She sat me and my sisters down to show us the dresses she wanted us to wear.”
“They were cute flowy pink gowns with lace around the neck area.”
“We all loved them but I had a problem, they were short sleeved.”
“Now her wedding is in the summer so short sleeves are kind of a must have, but I have scars all down my arms and do not want them on show at the wedding.”
“I pulled her aside and asked if I could get a dress with sleeves or if I could wear sleeved gloves.”
“She said no and that she wants everyone to look the same, so I couldn’t wear sleeves or have a different dress.”
“I said I wasn’t comfortable having my arms on show around such a large amount of people and that you would see them in all the pictures.”
“She asked if I could just put makeup on my arms but I have keloid scars and makeup won’t cover them at all.”
“She then said if I wasn’t going to cooperate I just shouldn’t come.”
“She told my family I was being difficult and didn’t want to obey the dress code because I wanted to be ‘different’.”
“She sent out her invites a few weeks ago and messaged me asking why I haven’t confirmed that I’m going.”
“I said that I’m still not comfortable being in short sleeves and that I will just not attend since I don’t want to ruin her perfect day but dressing differently.”
“She complained saying that she had already bought the dresses and I said I’ll give her the money for mine but she didn’t listen.”
“I know I probably sound selfish and I shouldn’t let my own issues be priority over my sisters wedding but I don’t like being in short sleeves and there’s no other way to work around it.”
“I was not a bridesmaid.”
“My sister wanted all the girls in our side of the family to wear the same dress as it’s similar to hers.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for skipping her sister’s wedding because she wasn’t comfortable wearing the dress she was given.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s sister was being insensitive and unreasonable, and should not have made a dress a priority over having her sister at her wedding.
“NTA.”
“Dress codes are one thing but this is a bit beyond.”
“Who orders specific dresses and outfits and enforces the GUESTS to wear them?”
“That’s very odd unless you were in the bridal party, but it sounds like you are not from what is shared in the post.”- BoyoDee
“NTA.”
“You came up with a perfect solution with the gloves.”
“Her not accepting it because of some ridiculous perfectionist aesthetic that no one will care about is absurd.”
“She’d rather have things look a certain way (again, that no one will notice except her) than have her sister at her wedding.”
“She’s making a sh*tty choice.”
“I’m sorry it’s hurting you.”- LastGoodBadIdea
“Uhm, uhm….the bride doesn’t get to put the guests in costume.”
“She gets to dress the bridal party (and too many go overboard with that) but guests can only be told how formal or informal the celebration will be & then trusted to dress appropriately.”
“It’s particularly awful in your case because you have a legitimate reason, beyond personal style, to prefer to cover your arms.”
“I’d be equally outraged if you liked little cap sleeves, and she was trying to force long sleeves.”
“You are the one living with the scars. You get to decide whether you want to keep them covered or not.”
“It’s terrible that she’s putting her ‘vision’ ahead of your needs.”
“NTA.”- rapt2right
“NTA, and don’t give her a penny for the dress.”
“She should dot her I’s and cross her T’s before she paid for the dresses. She didn’t now she has an extra one.”
“Sucks to suck.”- Cannabis-aficionado
“NTA Why is it that weddings make perfectly nice people turn into selfish, entitled jerks?”
“I always cringe when I hear ‘dream wedding’.”
“It smacks of future Bridezillas.”- Boogerbiter
“NTA.”
“Of course, because having a picture-perfect wedding is the only important thing for her.”
“She bought the dress in the hope that you would feel guilty for making her spend money on something that SHE KNEW you didn’t want to wear.”- Ambitious_Guidance69
“NTA.”
“Rigid brides are the worst.”
“Don’t worry about it too much. Maybe go to her next wedding.”- Slow_man_shuffle
“NTA.”
“You have, on more than one occasion, said you would not be comfortable with your arms on display.”
“You said this when she showed you the dresses she wanted you to wear.”
“She bought the dresses anyway, so that’s on her.”
“And rather than listen to her sister’s concerns, she doubles down and goes so far as to lay her opinion over your legitimate reasons for not wanting to wear that dress.”
“Don’t give her the money for the dress. You are not being selfish; your sister is.”
“There is no situation where you should be forced to feel immensely uncomfortable all day just to stick with a sh*tty dress code which in the grander scheme of things doesn’t matter.”- seriousrikk
“‘I can only accept your wedding invitation as a guest–meaning I get to choose my own outfit’.”
“‘It’s a shame that you paid for a dress for me, but you shouldn’t have done that before confirming that I was willing to wear it’.”
“NTA, and be sure to tell anyone who asks that you can’t attend because your sister is insisting that you wear a particular outfit that makes you uncomfortable and won’t agree to any variation.”
“If you are comfortable sharing that it is about the scars, I would encourage you to do that (e.g. ‘She will only let me come if I wear an outfit that puts my scars on display, which obviously makes me very uncomfortable. She won’t even let me wear long sleeves’.)”- DinaFelice
“I’m so sorry and NTA and you don’t sound in any way selfish.”
“Your sister does, though!”
“In case you are looking for another occasion in the future, I got my daughter some beautiful elbow length gloves online, which leave the hands free (there’s a loop that slips over one finger to keep them in place).”
“I think they look elegant and it’s an option for summer dresses in the future.”- itsshakespeare
“It sounds like your scars are a sensitive issue, and I absolutely feel like you should either a) be accommodated or b) be allowed to skip.”
“If your sister would rather have perfect photos over having her sister there, then you are definitely NTA here.”
“This is so superficial on your sister’s part.”
“Yes it is her day but this is your body and you should be able to dress in a way that is comfortable.”-EquipmentNo5776
“NTA.”
“She gave you two choices, and you picked one.”
“She can’t get upset that you didn’t pick the option she wanted.”
“Also, why isn’t there an option for you to just not be a bridesmaid and attend as a regular guest?”-LtColShinySides
There’s nothing wrong with envisioning how you want your wedding to look.
But, if maintaining that vision comes at the expense of your loved ones being present on your special day, it might be time to reevaluate your priorities.
Something hopefully the OP’s sister will do before it’s too late.