Woman Berated By Boyfriend For Cleaning His Apartment Instead Of Babying Him While He's Sick

The trope about men being the worst when they're sick is often seen and heard in comedy.

But living it isn't so funny.

A woman turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback when her boyfriend turned into a horrible patient.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

DigPsychological7128 asked:

"AITAH for cleaning my sick boyfriend’s apartment instead of babying him?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I’m 30, female, and my boyfriend is 32, male. My boyfriend was sick recently, and I went over to his apartment to take care of him. I did ask him how he was feeling, made him tea, and gave him medicine. I wasn’t ignoring him or refusing to help him."

"However, his apartment was extremely dirty. There was a huge amount of dust that had clearly been neglected for a long time, as well as mold that needed to be cleaned. So instead of sitting next to him the entire time and constantly hovering over him, I started cleaning the apartment."

"To me, it felt more useful to actually make his environment clean and healthier, especially while he was sick. I told him that, for me, cleaning the mold and all the accumulated dust was more important at that moment than sitting beside him and babying him."

"He got really angry when I said the apartment was dirty. He said I was making it seem like everything was his fault and that I was basically criticizing him while he was sick. He also expected me to stay by his side and baby him more."

"The argument escalated, and eventually he called me a b**tch."

"I understand that when someone is sick, they might want comfort and attention rather than practical help. Maybe I misjudged what he needed. But I also feel like I was genuinely trying to take care of him."

"I brought him things, made him tea, gave him medicine, asked how he was feeling, and then spent my time cleaning a really neglected apartment."

"So, AITAH for prioritizing cleaning his apartment rather than sitting beside him and babying him while he was sick? And was I out of line for telling him that the apartment was dirty?"

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - more information needed

Redditors decided the OP had not done anything wrong (NTA).

"Him calling you a b*tch for not being at his beck and call is concerning. Does he regularly become verbally abusive when you don’t bend to his will, or is this a new behavior from him?"

"I think he’s started to let his mask slip. This is a red flag, and you’d be wise not to ignore it. Please take the healthy relationship quiz while you think things over. I suspect there are other red flags you may have missed." ~ BeautifulChaosEnergy

"ALL OTHER THINGS ASIDE, he called you a b*tch!!! You were doing him a solid, and he called you a b*tch. Dump this dude!! He wanted his mommy and you didn't play the role."

"You did one better—which frankly was way too much—you cleaned his pigsty. NTA, but don't stay where you aren't appreciated and worse you are insulted!!" ~ Chilling_Storm

"Girl.. run. A grown a** adult living in filth like that is a red flag. Unless he has a medical condition that hinders his ability to take care of himself. The state of his home could be why he was sick in the first place."

"A 32-year-old man thinking he needs to be coddled during a cold. Smdh. You’re really asking if you’re the AH? You aren’t, but he absolutely is." ~ PhotoPrimary7801

"NTA, except for to yourself. You cleaned MOLD from his apartment while also caring for him, and he calls you a b*tch? Time to call him your ex. Or at least have a very serious conversation that that's an option should he only think about acting like that again."

"Also, please reconsider dating someone with those living standards and tell him about that. I promise you, there are men who live in somewhat clean, not health-endangering homes. Or that would put any professional cleaner to shame." ~ clueless_mommy

"He was out of line for calling you an abusive name. That seems to have gotten lost here. You did not have to go over at all because he is 32." ~ Zealousideal-Desk441

"OP, think about all the other men in your life that treat you well even if it’s a male friend. There’s so many other men that will treat you like a person and many, many men who would have praised and loved on you for doing that. Life is too short to not find true happiness elsewhere. Rip the band-aid off. NTA." ~ mari_lovelys

"NTA and his expectation of being babied is concerning. Is he a partner or does he want a mommy?" ~ FairyFartDaydreams

"Obviously a mommy. He can't even keep his place clean." ~ SerentityM3ow

"My four year old recently caught Covid again and SENT ME OUT OF HIS ROOM because he wanted to listen to his audio book with his favourite plushies. I wasn't invited." ~ clueless_mommy

My 2.5 year old summoned me to wipe his nose and tuck him in on the sofa and then told me to go away so he could ‘relaxer’ (thanks bingo) so I ended up sitting on the floor whilst he was sprawled out all comfy." ~ Narna97

"if i took care of my sick boyfriend and he called me a bitch I'd cough in his face and leave. Never to be seen again. What a little sh*tstain. NTA." ~ Aggressive-Ad-5983

"Been with my wife 28 years. I’ve never once called her a b*tch. Think about that." ~ Expensive_Candle5644

"Men who talk like this guy deserve to remain single." ~ Polkawillneverdie17

"Him calling you that name was a deal breaker. It only gets worse." ~ Brightsidedown

"Absolutely. Raised voices and below-the-belt comments in an argument is unhealthy, but actual name-calling? That is a man whose abuse will not stay verbal—and make no mistake, what he did is verbal abuse." ~ uhhh206

"NTA. GET OUT OF THERE!"

"You go to his place to look after him, and he is mad at you for wanting to help him recover? What he felt is shame. Shame that you clocked his nastiness, shame because he was 'vulnerable', shame because he couldn't stomach someone telling him he was surrounded by moldy things, which seem that were there before he got sick."

"Dust is a thing, but mold is really something else. He can feel ashamed, but his reaction is what is wrong. If anytime he feels ashamed, vulnerable or whatever he gets worked up like that, that's a huge red flag."

"What is more worrying is that he called you a bitch. One thing is to get mad, the other is him disrespecting you and insulting you, again, just because you didn't want to baby him and preferred to clean his nasty self." ~ Moovist_Overthink

"Girl, what the hell are you doing? Give your love to someone who deserves it. Start with yourself!" ~ Amonette2012

"This is not a good relationship, a loving partner doesn’t call you the B word." ~ Roadgoddess

"I agree with you. My husband has never called me this, and we’ve been together 19 years. We don’t disrespect each other like that. He should have called his mother as he wanted someone to mommy him. Blegh! I’m no good at that sh*t when it comes to a grown man." ~ madgeystardust

"So…you took care of him AND cleaned his house? That’s what I just read. And he called you names. NTA."

"Giiiiirl... go find someone who will worship the ground you walk on. Omg, I’d love to have someone clean the house for me while still getting me tea and meds." ~ DetectiveClear6734

"Seriously. My husband was a 48-year-old bachelor when I met him, and his place was clean—not in a scary way; it was just obvious he took care of things on a regular basis. Now we BOTH clean, which means we each have more free time. AND he does the chores I hate, and vice versa!" ~ Cthulhu_Knits

"He didn't deserve ANY of that care. He's a big f*cking baby. Don't clean his house, don't even visit him when he's sick. Matter of fact, leave this ungrateful little sh*t. NTA. You were more helpful than he deserved, and he can rot. Find someone to appreciate you." ~ Frequent_Ad6084

"No guy has ever called me a B. Not to my face. I do not know what I would do if anybody called me that, really. I'm 73, just know that people always say what they mean, even if they're joking. Not that he was. Drop him. It's easier than you think." ~ Sherriblue87

OP needs to think about whether this relationship can be revived or if it's best to let it die.