When we find ourselves indisposed, the most frustrating thing is being unable to do even the most menial tasks.
Some people are too proud to ask for help.
Others are lucky to have people who are ready and willing to wait on them hand and foot.
Then there are those who expect help without asking for it, often upset by the way things turn out.
The girlfriend of Redditor N7_Prototype recently fell ill.
The original poster (OP) made an effort to ensure her comfort.
Unfortunately, not only were the OP's offers turned down, but his girlfriend also simultaneously felt neglected.
Confused by how things turned out, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA For not bringing my gf anything while she was sick?"
The OP explained how they hit a stalemate with their girlfriend:
"My girlfriend has been sick for the past three days, when she first told me I asked if she needed anything, to which she only replied 'a stronger immune system'."
"The next day I checked and asked if she's been eating/drinking which she says yes she's been eating/drinking and resting."
'Later in the day I checked in again asking if she needs anything, saying I have soup, she replied with 'she's okay for now'."
"Today I asked how she's feeling and told her to get some rest, which she was receptive to but later tells me she going into work."
"After work she tells its hard for her to ask for things whole sick and small gesture like soup or tea would have meant a lot, and it she felt lonely she didn't get that."
"I would have brought something but she explicitly told me she was okay and didn't say anything when I asked."
'I figured I would allow her space to rest since since she said she had food and I did not want to risk us both getting sick."
"AITA for not bringing anything?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for not bringing their girlfriend food.
Everyone agreed that if the OP's girlfriend wanted soup when they offered it, then she simply should have said yes, even if some understood the OP's girlfriend wanted to be waited on without prompting:
"If you listen to me, I'll save you a lot of money on couple's therapy in your future."
"You are NTA, she didn't communicate to you what she wanted."
"She told you she was fine and you took her for her word. buuuuuuut what she really wants (but didn't communicate) is to be seen."
"She doesn't want to have to ask you to bring her soup, but she wants you to see that she isn't feeling well and to think about her and anticipate that soup might be helpful and bring it to her - not because she asked for it but because you care."
"It might sound silly, and really it's best for her to be more direct about expressing her feelings / wants, but wanting to be seen is tricky because a part of its value is not having to ask."
"And maybe right now it's not a big deal (like it's just a virus) but it's still a good thing to understand and practice."
"Because a partner who's good at 'seeing' notices their spouses feelings and responds to them."
"And when/if babies get involved, seeing and anticipating your partners needs is something which I cannot overstate the value of."
'MANY marriages fail because (usually) the guy doesn't see the invisible labor their wife is carrying or hear when she asks for help."
'But NO ONE complains about someone who really sees them."
"So NTA but maybe some food for thought."- WildCaliPoppy
"NTA."
"She said she didn't want soup."
"Imagine if she said she didn't want soup and you brought it anyways."
"She'd be completely justified in being upset, and if you came on here asking if you were the asshole it would have been unanimous."
"People would be saying 'Can't you take no for an answer?'"
"'She's a woman, not an infant, you don't need to baby her'."
"How much more clear could she have been?"
"She said no."
"You respected that."- NeedsItRough
"NTA."
"I hate it when people say they don't need anything and then get upset that you didn't bring anything."
"You checked in, you were very ready to bring anything she requested, and (most importantly) you took her at word."
"Some people like visitors and attention and stuff when they're sick, some don't."
"If she wanted you to come over with tea or soup, she should've said so like a grown up."-Live_Pressure_5432
"NTA."
"I used to expect people to meet my needs without me asking them, and was upset and disappointed a lot."
"Then I realized I was the issue in not articulating what I want."
"You shouldn't have to guess, that's how boundaries get crossed and consent/requests ignored."- MaidenMamaCrone
"NTA."
"You explicitly asked if she wanted some soup."
"She said no."
"You are not a mind reader."
"Your girlfriend should work on her communication skills."
"That said, now that you know asking her is useless, next time she is sick you can just bring her something without asking."
"But does she pretend that you read her mind instead of listening to her with other stuff too?"
"That seems so annoying."- Own_Wave_1677
"NTA."
"You asked if she needed anything, she said no."
"For her to then complain about you not getting her things is ridiculous and just playing games."- Pale_Height_1251
"This kinda sounds like either a new relationship or a relationship kids would have."
"Either way NTA."
"Poor communication on her part."- Dark_Phoenix25
"NTA."
"I understand that it's hard for her to ask for things - that's hard for a lot of people - but you offered."
"You asked if she needed anything, and she made a joke."
"You asked if she wanted soup; she said no."
"Now you know that the next time she is sick, she would like you to bring her something even if she says no - but it's absolutely not fair for her to expect you to ignore what she said ('no, I'm okay, I don't need anything')."
"If she wants a small gesture, she shouldn't refuse the small gestures you offered."-OkPomegranate4395
"NTA."
"You asked and she responded."
"Given that your previous asks have resulted in a yes before, it would be reasonable to expect that she would answer honestly this time around."
"This sounds like an opportunity for her to practice better communication skills."- lpk2012
"NTA."
"You checked in and asked if she needed anything MULTIPLE TIMES."
"She said no."
"She is playing games."
"You did nothing wrong."
"She's acting like a child."- AWonderLuster
"NTA."
"When my husband and I were dating and didn't live together, whenever he'd get sick, I'd bring a little care package to him just because and just put it at his steps and leave so he wouldn't feel he had to do anything for me."
"He did that for me a few times too."
"It's just a gesture you can make."
'Your gf should have been more clear if she wanted things instead of saying 'no I'm good', BUT she clearly values acts of service type things so for future reference she'll like you doing thoughtful things, especially if they're sour of the moment."
"There's nothing wrong with liking thoughtful gestures but there is something wrong with her wanting you to read her mind."- Fatt3stAveng3r
"NTA."
"No one is a mind reader."- Several_Emphasis_434
"No, you really are NTA."
"You checked on her frequently and offered to get her things, and she turned you down."
"You couldn't possibly know that she wanted you to do it anyway."
"That simply isn't rational."
"However, know you know for future reference."- LdiJ46
"NTA."
"Closed mouths do not get fed."- queenkittycat_
"NTA."
"She's one of those 'you're supposed to know what I want even if I don't explicitly tell you', and they're impossible to please."
"Tell her in the future she needs to clearly communicate her needs to you, and you'll be happy to help."- origamiecstacy
"NTA."
"You offered."
"She said no."
"You were supposed to infer that 'no' meant 'yes'."
"That's absurd."
"It would be one thing if you never asked and waited for her to bring it up, but if you offer to do something and the other person says no, it's BASIC RESPECT to not just do it anyway because you think they may be playing a mind game with you."
'Imagine 'AITA for bringing my gf soup even though she said she didn't want it?'"
"The answers would almost certainly be 'YTA for treating your gf like she's incapable of speaking for herself'."
"'She's not an infant'."- elvie18
In an ideal world, everyone would have someone to care for them when they were feeling down.
Something the OP's girlfriend actually had, just not at the exact moment that she wanted it.
At the end of the day, though, she can't say she wasn't offered the soup she was offered.
