Being sick is terrible.
You feel isolated, weak, and miserable.
Of course, misery loves company so we want to feel like we're still connected to the people we love.
What happens though when someone goes to extreme lengths to keep you close during an illness?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) throwra32343456 when she came to the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
"AITA for losing it on my husband for lying about an emergency to get me to leave my brother's wedding early?"
OP explained the situation at hand.
"My husband has been sick for a few days."
"He got sick around the time of my brother's wedding."
"I took care of him 24hrs for days."
"He's on meds and can move and go to the bathroom and eat on his own."
"I told him I was going to my brother's wedding and he threw a fit saying I couldn't leave him alone while he's sick."
"I told him he was not that sick, it's just some stomach ache that he's getting treatment for, and suggested he call his sister to come and stay with him."
"He said no and told me to miss it."
"I got upset and bluntly said no and that he could survive for a few hours while I attend the wedding."
"He sulked and as I was leaving, he said he hoped I won't ever come back."
"It hurt my feelings but I know he was just mad and didn't mean it."
They then explained what the issue was.
"At the wedding, I got a text from him saying he lost balance and fell off the stairs and hurt his back."
"He said he was in a lot of pain he threw up and couldn't move, and insisted I get home asap."
"I freaked out and started calling his phone but he didn't answer."
"I thought 'he must've passed out' and I freaked out even more. I got in my car and drove back to our house immediately."
"When I got home, I rushed towards the stairs while calling out his name but he wasn't there."
"I started to really freak out."
"I rushed into the bedroom and found him in bed drinking juice and soon as he saw me he put the phone down."
"I instantly knew he lied so I lost it on him and started yelling saying he freaked me out and caused me to miss my brother's wedding for nothing...absolutely nothing."
"He said that he already told me I couldn't leave him alone in the house and that this 'very scenario' could've happened if I stayed there any longer."
"I yelled at him calling him horrible which made him cry."
"He started crying and throwing his juice all over the place."
"I had to step out and call his sister thinking she'd come help but she came and started cussing me out saying I had a lot of nerve expecting her to back me up after I so carelessly left her brother alone at the house in that state just to attend a party."
"We got into an argument and I went to stay with my family."
"My brother understood when I explained the situation to him."
"My husband and I haven't seen each other since then but his sister kept saying I had no right to scream at her brother and cause him a panic attack and said that he at least was clear with me from the start but I chose to be dismissive."
OP was left to wonder,
"Was what I did dismissive?"
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some people gave bullet point descriptions of why OP was in the clear.
"NTA, but if this event were to have happened and he had fallen like he claimed."
"Call the paramedics."
"Right away."
"It's expensive, but if he had fallen like he said he did and with what he described and you tried to move him, you could potentially paralyze someone. Also not knowing the condition of the other party and driving over is risky."
"In this situation, I'm really glad you didn't call the paramedics because;"
"Bill"
"He lied and would have wasted a resource"
"There are sometimes fines as a result of this"
"This is some serious p*ssbaby attitude on his part. I'm sorry you missed your brother's marriage OP." ~ Potential_Minimum281
"NTA"
"🚩- for saying you can’t go to the wedding"
"🚩- for saying he hopes you don’t come back after going to the wedding"
"🚩- for lying, causing you stress, and forcing you to leave the wedding"
"🚩- for him to carry on and throwing juice like he’s a toddler who can’t use his words"
"🚩- for poisoning the well by obviously sh*t talking you to his sister"
"OP, GTFO. You’re better than this madness." ~ effie-sue
OP did return to give a little more clarity on the ages involved.
"I'm 26 years old// he's 23 years old."
Others took the situation step by step.
"Let’s break this down…"
"'I took care of him 24hrs for days. He’s on meds and can more and go to the bathroom and eat on his own.'"
"So he’s not a bed-bound invalid. He’s able to move around."
"'he threw a fit saying I couldn’t leave him alone while he’s sick... he’s getting treatment and suggested he call his sister to come to stay with him."'
"You came up with a reasonable alternative that he shot down."
"'I got a text from him saying he lost balance and fell off the stairs and hurt his back... in a lot of pain, he threw up and couldn’t move."'
"This was designed to get you to panic and rush home, which you did."
"You should have called the ambulance since he said he fell, hurt his back, threw up, and could not move."
"But, again, like a lot of scammers these days, this was designed to make you panic and not think."
"So, to wrap it all up, your husband threw a tantrum, lied to you, and (along with his sister) DARVO’d you."
"NTA, but consider that, if this is the first time he’s been manipulative like this, it won’t be the last bc you already showed that his manipulations work."
"If this is not the first time he’s manipulated and DARVO’d you, ask yourself why you’re staying with someone who, in this example, was willing to gamble that you would not call his bluff (bc, uh, calling an ambulance for an 'I’ve fallen and can’t get up' scenario is typical, usual, and the thing to do)." ~ RndmIntrntStranger
"100% this."
"I do not know any children over the age of 4 who would pull this crap."
"Your husband is a lying liar that lies..."
"He wanted what he wanted and was willing to do whatever it took to get what he wanted, which was you by his side preening over his mildly ill person instead of spending the day celebrating the wedding of your brother with your family."
"That is NOT normal."
"Any normal person would want their spouse to go celebrate their sibling and be bummed they couldn't go, too."
"Seriously sis, Please, just leave."
"Pack bags, call your family to help you move out, and file for divorce."
"THIS is divorce worthy because of the true malice behind it."
"The manipulation and control behind it and I'm certain if you look at the relationship holistically you will see countless other times he's pulled this crap - the optics looked different but he behaved manipulatively and in a controlling way to get what he wanted no matter the cost to you." ~ thingsarelookingup2
Commenters pointed out that this was abuse.
"NTA."
"But I really need you to see that this was abusive."
"He was telling you that he would not put in the work so that you could go and see your family, he then lied and pretended he was in danger to get you away from your family because he didn't want you there."
"He wanted you with him."
"No you weren't dismissive at all, but you need to stop talking with this guy."
"He's going to keep trying to pretend that he's a victim and that you're the perp so that he can trick you into apologizing and then getting back together with him."
"Stay with your family and then go and collect your stuff at some point."
"Pretending that he was in mortal danger to get you to leave your brother's wedding is absolutely a place of marriage should end on."
"Not to mention him then throwing sh*t around when you confronted him" ~ JCBashBash
"This isn’t even borderline, he WAS abusive to her. That behavior is a HELL NAW and means it’s time to get out."
"NTA." ~ Spirited-Safety-Lass
Many pointed out the infantile nature of hubby's behavior.
“'He started crying and throwing his juice all over the place.'”
"OP. Hun. Babe."
"Those are the words you used to describe what I’m assuming to be a full-grown adult male."
"Girl, throw the whole man out!"
"Seriously. Your husband is a lying manipulative selfish b*stard and you know it. You deserve better than trash" ~ pizzaisapie69
We all want to be comforted when we're not feeling well.
That doesn't mean that we have the right to manipulate those who love us into giving us what we want.
Remember to be respectful, kind, and most importantly - honest.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.