Sometimes the relationships between kids and stepparents are a disaster.
Not every new spouse fits into the family.
This can make family events difficult and dramatic, especially weddings.
Who is left off the guest list can cause very deep strife.
But some newlyweds feel that they have to do what they have to do for their special day.
Redditor Silver_Example_3195 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for not wanting to invite my dads wife to my wedding?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My dad married his wife when I was 16."
"She has been nothing but rude to my brother and me over the last decade."
"I can count on one hand the number of good interactions I’ve had with her."
"I don’t really speak to my dad now because of her and many other things from childhood."
"My dad brought up to me that he’d be at my wedding, and I said maybe you can, but your wife definitely will not."
"He didn’t take that well and said I couldn’t do that."
"I told him that if he can’t show up without her, he won’t be invited at all."
"That being said, I’d like to invite my dad (I think), but I don’t think he would come without her, and under no circumstances do I want her there."
"I am not willing to budge."
"For context, she bought a house while my brother lived with them and kicked him out by not buying a house with a room for him."
"She caused a scene at my college graduation because it was during COVID, and only my mom and dad could be in the ceremony room."
"She has nasty comments every time I see her, and we have fought numerous times over the years because she is just so rude to my brother and me."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Her
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA, and honestly, you're probably better off rescinding the invite to your dad."
"He's shown you over and over that he will choose her."
"Your wedding day should be happy, and with people who truly care for you, and sadly, it seems like your dad is not in this category." ~ justbraised
"I can't even comprehend why OP would want them there at this point?"
"So they can continue to disappoint?"
"So they can continue to not step up as a father?"
"So they can continue to not give a sh*t about their own kids?"
"If this guy cared, he would've extended an olive branch or y'know, tried to be a dad. But he didn't because he's a waste of space parent, who clearly will always put his penis before his children."
"Open your eyes, OP."
"Listen to this ^ and rescind that invite." ~ D3athC0mesT0A11
"Ordinarily, I'd say that a husband and wife need to be invited as a package deal, BUT there are exceptions, and oh boy, is this ever one of them."
"Your dad - I'm guessing - has stood by for years and let her treat you and your brother cruelly."
"The abuse may not have come from his lips or his brain, but he's no better than her by passively allowing it to happen and not only remaining married to her, but actively choosing her over you."
"You are absolutely NTA for setting this restriction."
"That being said, I'm gonna go full Redditor paranoid and suggest that you have a trusted (and hopefully large) male friend or relative appointed on the day of your wedding to keep an eye out for her. It would not surprise me at all if your dad agrees to your condition only to turn around and try to sneak her in anyway."
"So someone (or ideally multiple someones) keeping an eye out to ask her/them to leave would probably be a good idea." ~ helenaflowers
"NTA, but very honestly, I'd recommend simply not inviting your dad at all."
"It's not worth the hassle." ~ MakalakaPeaka
"I'd not invite your dad then, because not inviting a spouse is in general not ok its a package deal."
"You have every right to not want the problems at your wedding, but understand he has been part of all those times, including the house purchase and treatment of your brother, etc." ~ BettieNuggs
"NTA, inviting your dad does not mean inviting the person who has repeatedly disrespected you, especially after she caused drama at another major life event."
"He can be mad about it, but he does not get to make your wedding about her feelings." ~ confcarla
"While I think you're NTA (I wouldn't be inviting her either), I just wanted to point out that, by not inviting her, you are effectively ending your relationship with your dad."
"It sounds like he hasn't been great either - I mean, yeah, she did all this sh*t, but he let her - but it sounds like you are still on the fence about maintaining a relationship with him."
"This move will pretty much take you off the fence and place you firmly on the 'I'm never seeing him again' side."
"I don't think you'd be in the wrong to choose that, because again, he has chosen to stay with a woman who treats his own kids like absolute shit, but yeah, it's just something to keep in mind."
"Congratulations on your wedding, and I'm sure it will be an amazing event surrounded by people who truly love you." ~ Final-Yesterday-4799
"NTA. Your dad gets absolutely no say in who is and who isn't invited to your wedding."
"Frankly, he should count himself lucky he was invited after being such a trash dad to you and your brother and after letting his wife treat you and your brother like dirt."
"He can either act like a grown-up and accept the fact that his wife isn't invited, or he can miss out on one of the biggest events of his daughter's life and regret it for the rest of his life."
"Whatever he decides, do not let it ruin you and your fiancé's big day, and enjoy being surrounded by the people who truly love you both, who come to celebrate your wedding."
"Keep us updated!!!" ~ PreferenceOld6364
"Your wedding should be all about joy and happiness."
"If she would make that impossible, she doesn’t get to be there."
"It’s your dad’s issue to deal with, not yours. NTA." ~ Bhaastsd
"NTA, your dad needs to father up and draw some boundaries."
"This situation is his own doing."
"The best you can do is sit down and have an actual conversation with him."
"Take it from someone who was alienated from her dad for most of her life, and finally, in her 20s, decided to ‘bury the hatchet.'"
"Your dad surely loves you more than the woman, he might not realise what he’s doing to y’all." ~ miss_squirtini
"My beans are on Dad, who is led by his little head and has never even THOUGHT that he should show unconditional love to his child. He never intervened in his wife's ill treatment of his kids before, so I don't see an epiphany on the horizon."
"NTA. OP deserves to be surrounded only by loving supporters on their wedding day." ~ desertboots
"NTA! Seriously, she seems like it, though."
"Honestly, I would talk to dad and be 100% clear that if he brings her, they are both not welcome."
"It sucks that you're in this situation, but she chose to be a perra."
"Congratulations to you on your wedding!!!" ~ richb0199
"NTA. While she is your father's wife, she has not built a relationship with you as a trusted adult."
"What you have to explain to your father is that you're not excluding her because he got married again or she's his wife."
"She's been excluded because of her behavior and the relationship she never sought to build with his children."
"In fact, all she's built is a negative relationship, so they can't expect that you'd want to include her in your positive moments."
"I think you'll do better not to invite your father at all."
"Sad, I know, but based on her causing a scene at your graduation-- they will try to crash your wedding if he's invited." ~ moew4974
"NTA, this is why I don’t believe in the etiquette rule that if you invite a married person, you have to invite their spouse or give them a plus one - why invite someone that you don’t want at your own wedding?"
"In your case, I wouldn’t even invite your dad."
"He’s already chosen a side, and the fact that you only 'think' you want him there puts him firmly on the no invite list." ~ EmploymentPast540
"NTA and be careful with this one."
"She sounds like someone who can also be vindictive when things don't go her way."
"Make sure you have things in place that nothing with your venue/caterers/etc, can be changed without your express approval."
"I picture her trying to cancel things, pretending to be you or someone who has the authority to do so."
"Good luck with everything." ~ RedKittieKat
"NTA, and you may not want to invite him either."
"Too much of a chance he will bring her anyway or make a scene."
"You know him best, though, and how he will likely behave if he shows up (alone)."
"If it were me, I’d have a private little heart-to-heart with him, explaining your reasoning, reminding him of all the horrible things she did to you."
"Make it clear in no uncertain terms that she will absolutely not be allowed at your wedding."
"And tell him you would love for him to be there."
"He can then decide if he will come alone or not attend at all." ~ teamnowak
Reddit is with you, OP.
It's your wedding, you can invite or not invite whoever you want to.
Your dad is out of line.
You deserve to be surrounded by love and support, not drama and rudeness.
Good luck and Congratulations!
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