Almost everyone has a beauty routine.
It's not just about trying to look and stay younger; sometimes it's just to make a person feel confident.
Other people may not agree with certain methods a person employs.
So they can't help but voice their thoughts.
Redditor NewAccWhoDis93 found himself in a personal dilemma regarding his haircare and his girlfriend, so he turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
"AITAH For calling my girlfriend out for having a double standard?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"So I (32 M[ale]) am in a somewhat new relationship for 10 months with a (28 F[emale])."
"Recently she has been staying over more, and a few weeks ago she noticed I use hair loss meds and night (oil on my head and peptide treatment twice a week) first time I saw her notice and just looked at me out of the corner of her eye without saying anything. "
"The next time she said, 'Oh, what's that?' and I explained it."
"She acted funny."
"She saw me do it a few more times, then had a go at me for using it."
"She mainly said stuff like 'Why do you do it, it's so insecure and a turn off.'"
"Now my hair has always been the feature I like most about myself, and yeah, maybe it is a little insecure, but it's still my choice, and it's not hurting me or anyone."
"I got pretty upset and said, 'Well, I could say the same about you getting your lip filler and botox along with you dying your hair.'"
"She got up and said that it's not the same and fair to compare and that she doesn't want to live up to beauty standards and compete with her friends who also do it."
"I just replied, 'Oh, so it's a case of the rules are for thee and not for me.'"
"Now she's not talking to me."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITAH"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA. What a weird issue for her to get hung up on."
"You gave what you got." ~ FeaturelessDetail
"Man, hypocrites really infuriate me."
"Men, too, these days, are held to high beauty standards, and it sounds like she’s doing it because she’s in a secret competition with her friends."
"Since this isn’t a long-term relationship, you may think it over."
"She doesn’t sound like a good partner." ~ Shadow4summer
"She sounds superficial and lame. NTA."
"Reconsider who you're investing your time in."
"She seems shallow."
"Plus lip filler is a huge ick." ~ Delicious-Pianist-41
"NTA. It is the exact same thing."
"Lip filler and Botox are what women or men use when they feel they are losing youth, and similarly, hair loss is often associated with aging."
"Seems as if you both wanted to stop the clock and sought out methods to do so."
"She has no moral high ground." ~ Fit_Marionberry_3878
"I always thought I would never do anything like that either."
"Then I turned 50, and my nice full head of hair started thinning."
"I use minoxidil daily in an effort to retain a normal-looking head of hair."
"You do you, boo."
"She’s being short-sighted and immature by saying it’s a turn-off." ~ bal_swing
"Right, it’s not a turn off at all! I’m always impressed when men do things to care for themselves, and this is why! "
"Because other people are shitty to men when they do things for themselves."
"NTA." ~ SparklingSaturnRing
"NTA. It’s easy to move on, you’re good G." ~ hugeweedfan69
"I was always happy about my thick hair."
"Then I realized it was thinning and there were bald areas where I parted it."
"I tried the LED cap for 8 months - nothing."
"Then I tried the Minoxidil pill."
"Fantastic results!"
"You are absolutely correct that doing hair retention/restoration is no different than what she's doing."
"In fact, I think what she's doing is waaaay more, very unnatural."
"PS, I am female."
"Other than minoxidil, nothing - no botox, no hair dye, usually not even cosmetics." ~ PastIsPrologue22
"NTA, she sounds like a piece of work."
"Does she get injections to compete with her friends?"
"It’s giving extremely insecure."
"And then she comes for you for having a hair routine?"
"As if she would want some unkempt man, she’s just turned off cause she peeked behind the curtain and found out that effortlessly hot, groomed man (but no actual grooming?) is an illusion."
"I’d be done with her."
"You can find another one that appreciates that you put care into your appearance." ~ Ok_Drink8072
"I can’t see how it isn’t the exact same, so I say you’re good."
"I suggest welcoming the opportunity and finding someone less judgmental."
"Dating is to find out if you’re compatible NTA." ~ BlacnDeathZombie
"NTA. We know this is coming from a space where it’s ok for women to do these things, but if a man does it, it’s not masculine."
"Keep your treatments, and find a less sexist partner." ~ Global-Hair-810
"Yup, NTA."
"It IS totally the same."
"Yes, society puts pressure on how a woman looks."
"There is, I think, less but still present pressure on guys to look a certain way."
"There is nothing wrong with trying to hold back hair loss."
"Or filling the wrinkles, or coloring your hair, or the million other little things we all do to fight aging."
"I’ve heard good things about these Korean spas where they really check out your scalp and help you figure stuff out for how best to treat it, by the way."
"If I ever can get to Korea."
"I’m Soo doing this myself."
"The massages alone look awesome." ~ MissMurderpants
"NTA. Does she not understand that 'competing with her friends' is just different words for 'insecurity?'"
"Also, that she's doing cosmetic Botox and lip filler at 28 is unhinged."
"I don't know if she has screwed-up priorities or screwed-up psychology, but I think it has to be one or the other." ~ Positive-Tonight4184
"For sure, she is projecting a double standard, and she is making silly excuses as to why her way is okay, but yours isn't."
"That she isn't speaking to you over a silly argument is kind of telling, and I would watch out for that type of behavior."
"Nothing gets solved with petty games. NTA." ~ Chilling_Storm
"She’s the AH."
"There definitely was a better and gentler way to communicate the point, but I don’t think you were in the wrong to call her out."
"Also, I think there was a typo in your post, so I’m not sure my next statement is accurate, but you do it for you, not to keep up with anyone else, which makes her reasoning of keeping up with her friends way more insecure in my opinion." ~ jacanba
"Take it as a sign, dude... It's totally the same thing, and you just called her out on it."
"Find someone more mature and take this as a blessing."
"You can find someone who's more respectable and less full of themselves."
"The fact that she competes with her friends' beauty standards basically means that I have to be better than someone else, or no one will look at me."
"Just shallow as hell. Find a better girl and GET OUT OF THERE." ~ Jessic14444
"NTA. She’s irrational, hypocritical, immature, petulant, and controlling."
"Leave now."
"Get radically intolerant of obnoxious, controlling, narcissistic, or unstable behavior."
"You can’t find Ms. Right until you stop wasting my time with Ms. Wrongs."
"The huge opportunity cost of wasting time with Ms. Wrong is that it keeps you from being available to meet Ms. Right."
"It was after I adopted this approach that I met my now-wife."
"Married 11 years, two kids." ~ Immediate_Editor_213
"NTA. If she had had enough maturity to recognize that she was being hypocritical, and apologized and accepted that your appearance care choices were consistent with hers, then that would be a personal growth moment for her, bringing you both together."
"Instead, she doubled down. WTAF??" ~ zonutsthefirst
"NTA. Who are you hurting by trying to prevent hair loss?"
"And like, even if you are insecure."
"People are multifaceted."
"You can be secure in yourself and your place in the world and your relationships and competence, and still feel some kind of way about losing your hair."
"I do. "
"Unless it gets to the point that you’re obsessing or it’s negatively affecting other aspects of your life, or the treatment is blood from an endangered animal or something, you do you."
"And your gf should understand completely."
"She’s not even 30 and is having things injected into her face to avoid looking older."
"I’m of the mind that we’ve been brainwashed by society to worship youth, and I think we should all, for ourselves, strive to accept the beauty and inevitability of aging."
"But unless you’re dogging on people who are balding, spending your family into debt, or something equally ridiculous, how you handle your hair is 10000% your business."
"And full disclosure: my philosophy on aging notwithstanding, my hair has been thinning the past couple of years, and even though no one but me can really see it yet, I hate that so much." ~ PageStunning6265
"Hi. It seems like my personal care is an issue."
"That is ok."
"We don't really know each other enough, so I wish you the best."
"Hope you find your person." ~ sparkles_r_life
Reddit is with you, OP.
Your girlfriend has some nerve.
It's your hair, you do what makes you happy.
She can accept it, or leave.
Good Luck.
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