We all dread the idea of having a terrible neighbor that we’ll have to put up with for who knows how long.
Just imagine how much worse it would be if the bad neighbor started feeling entitled to our property, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Accurate-Outside-962 had been kind to his neighbor who moved in a year prior by allowing her and her children to use his pool on occasion.
But when she became so entitled about her pool use that she threw parties without asking and also made a list of “pool rules” she expected him to follow, the Original Poster (OP) decided it was time to not let her use it anymore.
He asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to let a ‘Karen’ neighbor use my pool after she demanded I follow her pool rules?”
The OP had been kind to his neighbor and allowed her to use his pool.
“So, I (34 Male) live in a suburban neighborhood with a decent-sized backyard and a pool.”
“I’ve always been friendly with my neighbors, including ‘Karen’ (mid-40s Female) who moved in next door about a year ago. She seemed nice at first, but as time went on, she started to show her true colors.”
“Over the summer, Karen started coming over with her kids, asking if they could use the pool. “
“At first, I didn’t mind because I was usually outside anyway, and the kids seemed to enjoy it.”
But then the neighbor started overstepping even the OP’s boundaries.
“But soon, things got weird. Karen began showing up unannounced, sometimes even when I wasn’t home, and I caught her using the pool without my permission.”
“One day, I came home to find Karen and several of her friends having a full-on pool party in my backyard, complete with snacks, music, and pool floats! I confronted her, and she acted like it was no big deal, saying, ‘Oh, you weren’t using it, so I figured it was fine.'”
“I told her politely but firmly that she needed to ask before coming over and that I wasn’t comfortable with her just assuming she could use the pool whenever.”
“Karen seemed annoyed but agreed to ‘follow the rules.'”
Then the neighbor set her own series of rules.
“Then, last week, she took things to a whole new level. Karen knocked on my door with a typed-up list of ‘pool rules’ that she wanted me to follow!”
“These were my ‘favorite’ items, but there were more:”
“1. No swimming after 5:00 PM because ‘her kids have a strict bedtime.'”
“2. No ‘loud music’ when her family is outside.”
“3. Mandatory weekend access for her and her kids, but only for their exclusive use.”
“I thought she was joking at first, but she was dead serious.”
“I laughed and told her there was no way I was following any of her ‘rules’ for my pool.”
Then the neighbor decided to get the neighborhood involved in the drama.
“Karen got angry and called me selfish, saying that I was ‘ruining the neighborhood spirit’ and being ‘unfair to the kids.'”
“Now, she’s been spreading rumors to other neighbors that I’m a bad guy for not sharing the pool.”
“Some of the neighbors have even said I should ‘just let it go’ to avoid drama.”
“But I feel like this is insane; it’s my pool, and she’s acting like she owns it!”
“AITAH for refusing to let Karen and her kids use my pool after she demanded I follow her ridiculous rules?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that it was time to push the issue and set firm boundaries.
“NTA. Karen is insane. Inform her in writing that she and her family are no longer welcome on your property, and if they show up again you will call the authorities.”
“People like her never back down, so you can’t either. If you do, you’ll never know a moment’s peace. Good luck. NTA.” – No_Good_Turn
“NTA. As I was reading those ‘pool rules,’ I noticed something very interesting.”
“1. The pool can’t be used after 5:00 PM, which means if the OP works, the pool is off-limits after work.”
“2. Weekend access is restricted to just Karen and her family. Well, now OP can only use the pool from 9:00 to 5:00 PM on weekdays.”
“3. No loud music when they are outside at any time. So basically the pool and backyard are only maintained by OP for the enjoyment of Karen and her family.”
“Put up no trespassing signs, and inform Karen she is no longer permitted on the property, kids included. Purchase another camera for the pool that has an app to notify you when someone is in that area.”
“Lastly, have a neighborhood party and invite everyone, play music, have a bbq, and use the pool.”
“If there is anyone who calls OP a bad neighbor, show them the ‘pool rules’ Karen expects you to follow for your pool. Any sane person would’ve laughed and crumpled the note up.” – Mykona-1967
“NTA. Three words: Cameras. Fence. Locks.”
“I’m assuming you probably have the second, but if you don’t, get one. Even if it’s just one that surrounds the pool for liability reasons.” – narfie_the_garthak
“NTA, of course. Have you shown your neighbors her conditions? ‘Mandatory weekend access for her and her kids, but only for their exclusive use.’ She’s saying you have to give up using the pool you own on the weekends. The woman is mad.”
“Maybe print an old-fashioned circular containing what is in your post, and put it through letterboxes in your neighborhood. Start it with something along the lines of ‘Some stories have been going around about me, told by Karen.”
“Here’s what actually happened, and what she demanded as if she was entitled. I’m not going to share my pool: I might occasionally let people use it, but it remains mine, and no one else, not even Karen has any rights to it.'” – Turmeric_Pic
“NTA. If you want to throw someone under the bus, use your home insurance company. Tell them that you inquired with them about allowing the neighbor to come over and use your pool anytime they wanted, and they said no because legally if something happens, the homeowner yourself would be the one ultimately responsible so you’re not about to take on that liability.”
“If she wants her kids to swim, then she’s going to have to buy a pool membership somewhere. I’m sure there’s a public pool somewhere in your area that she could pay to belong to.”
“Oh yeah, if you don’t have outside cameras for your backyard, get them now and put a lock on your gate.” – NaturesVividPictures
Others also pointed out the likelihood of her being one of those neighbors who would sue.
“All I see is liability. Liability everywhere.” – Theistus
“Karen is exactly the type that would break the lock, break-in, let her kids use the pool unsupervised, and then sue OP when one of them had an accident.” – rebekahster
“Create proof that you put the lock there (keep the receipt for the lock and make a video of putting it on the fence) and send her a certified letter to ban her from the property or, better, get a lawyer to do it.”
“Then if she sues, you can produce the evidence that you ordered her not to and took reasonable steps to prevent her from doing so, and sue her back for court costs and the cost of the lawyer.”
“Also, OP could point their camera at the pool, and if they get a record of her going in there, they can call the police and report her for trespassing.” – themcp
“I have a neighbor (Neighbor A) who had a trampoline. Neighbor B’s daughter would use it without permission, even when Neighbor A wasn’t home.”
“The police advised sending a certified letter (for tracking purposes) to Neighbor B, stating the daughter was not to use the trampoline. She kept doing it. (The kid was a brat and her parents were AWFUL. We almost had a neighborhood party when they moved.)”
“Well, the daughter fell off the trampoline, broke her arm and collarbone, and her parents tried to sue Neighbor A. Documentation of the certified letter and the prior police report for trespassing got the case thrown out.”
“ALWAYS document and cover your a**, especially against neighbors like this.” – Itchy_Network3064
“OP does NOT want Karen and her followers anywhere near his pool or surrounding area! Because you just know that if any unauthorized person got injured, OP and his insurance would take the financial hit!”
“Talk to your insurance rep. Ask for their recommendations with this situation. How best to cover your a**.”
“I grew up with a pool in the backyard. Besides a six-foot fence and the sign, my dad added a bit of barbwire, mostly disguised by honeysuckle overgrowth. That might not be legal anymore, but it did discourage unwelcome visitors. NTA.” – Critical-Wear-5802
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a few updates.
“Just to let everyone know, my backyard fence doesn’t have a lock. I’ve taken your advice and purchased one from the store, and I’ll be installing it tomorrow.”
“For those suggesting I get a camera, I already have one, but it’s not pointing directly at the pool, more to the fence entrance.”
The OP then updated again after taking more action.
“So, I went ahead and installed a keypad lock on my backyard fence. I figured it’d solve the problem without needing another awkward convo with Karen.”
“Plus, you all were right about the liability stuff; I really don’t want to deal with any potential fallout if someone gets hurt using my pool.”
“Of course, Karen noticed the lock pretty much immediately. She was at my door, furious, saying I was ‘locking out the neighborhood kids’ and treating her family like ‘criminals.’ She went on about how I was being dramatic, and why couldn’t I just let them use it like before.”
“I told her straight-up that I wanted some privacy and control over who was using my pool; after all, it’s my backyard, not a community park.”
“She rolled her eyes and said I was being selfish, etc., again.”
“Honestly, I feel a lot better with the lock on now. It’s a bit awkward with Karen, but I’d rather that than have her acting like my backyard is a public pool. Thanks again for the support!”
The subReddit couldn’t stop rolling their eyes at the neighbor’s entitlement, as well as the trouble the OP could find himself in if something went wrong while he was trying to be nice with the neighbors.
Even though the neighbor wasn’t happy about the change in arrangements, if she really wanted her kids to have access to a pool, there were surely other options, perhaps even one of the other neighbors who tried to volunteer the OP’s backyard.