You never know whom to trust when it comes to keeping a secret.
Some people are certainly better at it than others, but sometimes even the most trustworthy people can let a secret slip, completely inadvertently.
Of course, there are people whom you know you simply can’t trust with confidential information of any kind.
More often than not, these same people don’t react too kindly to learn they’ve been kept out of the loop.
Redditor M426fdn had some celebratory news to share with their nearest and dearest.
Unfortunately, the original poster (OP)’s grandmother shared their news before they had a chance to.
Resulting in the OP seriously reevaluating her relationship with her grandmother.
After being accused of being too hard on her grandmother, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for now keeping secrets from my grandma because she ruined the gender reveal?”
The OP explained why they didn’t feel she didn’t feel like she could trust her grandmother with a secret any longer:
“My husband and I are almost thirty and about to have our first baby in December.”
“This is after multiple miscarriages and adoptions falling through.”
“I have been telling my close family all the details from the beginning in case I lose this baby as well.”
“I wanted to wait to announce to the world, but my grandmother kept pestering me about just letting her tell everyone since she’s ‘so excited’.”
“It made her visibly distraught when I told her I wanted to announce to the world on my own terms.”
“When I finally announced to our church, she was upset I hadn’t allowed her to do it earlier because I’m ‘already getting big enough to notice’.”
“Now, we found out the gender last week, and I told her this morning I wanted to wait to announce to the world.”
“I didn’t want a gender reveal party, but I still wanted to be able to tell everyone on my own terms.”
“She didn’t care for my answer and told everyone in our church (we have a VERY small town/community) the gender this morning when I wasn’t around.”
“Church members just began walking to me saying congratulations on baby’s gender!”
“My sister saw I was obviously distraught and told my grandma to stop telling people which upset her more.”
“Now I feel I can no longer share information about my baby without her going behind my back and telling everyone every little detail.”
“My father says I am overreacting because ‘this baby is all she has’.”
“She already has three other great grandchildren she was nothing to do with.”
“I just want information released when I’m comfortable to.”
“AITA for not wanting her involved in my progress anymore?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community overwhelmingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for not telling her grandmother any more secrets.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s grandmother was being selfish, particularly after everything the OP and her husband had gone through:
“You’re NTA.”
“‘My father says I am overreacting because “this baby is all she has”.'”
“Being old is no excuse for stealing someone else’s big moments.”
“Especially ones that are so sensitive.”- Dittoheadforever
“‘She already has three other great grandchildren she was nothing to do with’ tells you everything you need to know.”
“She’s the common denominator.”
“She’s the problem.”
“You’re NTA.”
“Don’t let yourself be emotionally blackmailed.”
“Your baby wouldn’t be the ‘only thing she has’ if she still had a relationship with her other grandchildren.”- nickybateleur
“’This baby is all she has’.”
“What about you & your husband that have been trying for years, and this is now all you have?”-xpl0sad3
“NTA.”
“Ask your grandmother if she wants to make this her 4th great grandbaby that she has nothing to do with, because it can easily be arranged.”- Dharling97
“NTA.”
“‘She already has three other great grandchildren she was nothing to do with’.”
“She does not give a crap about you or your child.”
“All she cares about is being the center of attention.”- Adorable_Click9074
“‘This baby is all she has’.”
“It’s not HERS.”
“She’s not doing any of the work.”
“She doesn’t get a say.”
“Tell her and dad to kick rocks.”
“NTA.”- Paul-Kersey
“NTA.”
“Grandma gets to know info when everyone else does, and your dad is probably going to get put on that list as well.”- midcen-mod1018
“NTA.”
“I wonder why she isn’t on the other grandchildren’s lives.”- mathhews95
“NTA.”
“She can’t be trusted to keep a secret.”
“It doesn’t matter if she’s excited or not – it’s your baby and not hers.”
“Also with a history of losses, that’s a delicate subject and she needs to keep her mouth shut.”
“Sorry Dad but you’re wrong.”
“What your mom or MIL is doing is incredibly disrespectful.”
“I bet she’s his mother.”- thechaoticstorm
“She’s had her babies–now it’s your turn.”
“Time to put grandma on a serious info diet.”
“When baby comes, don’t even tell anybody (family, church friends or anybody else) you’re in the hospital.”
“Be admitted under a nondisclosure, and don’t tell anybody you’re home until you’re good and ready.”
“NTA.”- Weird-Roll6265
“NTA.”
“But I hope you will never again tell her ANYTHING before you are ready for the whole world to know it.”
“Congratulations on the baby!”- DoodleLover20
“You’re NTA, but . . .”
“Given what you’ve mentioned here – that your grandmother was ‘so excited’ to know the gender of your child and that she repeated became ‘visibly distraught’ when you told her that you would reveal the information in your own good time – it’s really hard to believe that you didn’t anticipate that she’d do what she did.”
“You’re not overreacting because this was your news to share, and she took that from you, despite you asking her not to do so.”
“Sorry, but how excited she might be is irrelevant here; this was your opportunity for attention and she deliberately swiped it.”
“And it seems like if you were to share information with your father, he’d tell her, and you’d be back here in a couple of months with a similar complaint.”
“So, limit what you share and then share when you’re ready.”- DeskRider
“NTA.”
“Your only choice, really.”
“If she doesn’t like it, she can blame herself.”- ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA.”
“Sadly I imagine she cares more about the little power control of the info than the actual baby it represents.”
“Next will be pestering you for the name.”
“Protect your peace and avoid her as much as possible.”
“Congratulations and best of health to you and your precious baby!”- Easy-Tip-7860
“NTA.”
“But don’t be naive and learn the lesson already!”
“Stop telling her things you want to announce yourself.”- magiemaddi
“NTA.”
“It’s nice your grandma is so excited for you, but it’s YOUR baby and she should respect what you do and don’t want to share and when you share it.”
“It’s really inappropriate for her to share your personal news as if it’s her own, and irrational for her to be mad at you.”- Salt_Strike5996
“NTA.”
“Grandma’s on an information diet unless/until she can learn to keep her mouth shut about other people’s personal business.”
“It wasn’t her place to tell anybody anything and she’s clearly shown she can’t be trusted.”-Professional-Scar628
“NTA.”
“Tell her you aren’t going to tell her anything again because of her need to be the center of attention and taking your choices away from you.”
“I would also go so far as to not tell others anything in case it gets back to her.”
“Tell everyone that because of grandma, everything is going on lockdown and they can thank her.”
“Also, it’s very telling that she doesn’t talk to the great grandkids.”
“It would be funny that if something comes up that she wants to know, tell her you only told those she’s not talking to so as to make sure she doesn’t get the scoop.”
“Double whammy.”- SparkleBait
“NTA.”
“No one, no matter their relation to you or the baby, is entitled to information about your baby.”
“Share what information you are comfortable with, in the timeframe you are comfortable.”
“Congrats on the little one!”- ani-dani
“NTA.”
“She’s repeatedly disrespected your wishes.”
“Do what you need to do for peace of mind.”
“You’re growing a whole human!”- OriginalRush3753
“NTA.”
“I wouldn’t tell grandma anything else unless I absolutely had to.”- Telly94
“My moms friend had a LOT of miscarriages.”
“We’ll call her S.”
“S could get pregnant but none of the babies lived long enough for her to give birth to actual healthy living babies.”
“She always lost them early.”
“S got pregnant again.”
“She told everyone to just ignore that she was pregnant.”
“This would just be another miscarriage in an already long list of miscarriages.”
“She called my mom in the middle of the night in absolute hysterics when somehow the baby survived past the point where she miscarried all the others.”
“She was prepared for another miscarriage.”
“She wasn’t prepared for the baby to survive when she’d lost so many others.”
“She eventually did give birth to a healthy baby.”
“If someone did that to S we would have blacklisted them for that.”
“We’d be furious.”
“I hope everything goes well for you and the baby.”
“Absolutely NTA.”- FrostyIcePrincess
If there’s anyone who gets more excited about a baby’s arrival than the parents, it’s the grandparents and great-grandparents.
However, excitement is no excuse to spoil announcements and surprises.
Particularly coming from a couple who have gone through what the OP and her husband have, leading up to the arrival of their first child.