All brides want to feel their most beautiful on their wedding day.
It’s their day to be celebrated and gushed over.
Nobody needs a toxic debbie-downer wandering about.
But every family has those people lurking around.
Dealing with negativity in a wedding can be heartbreaking.
Redditor One_Assignment8752 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for letting my fiancé uninvite his sister to our wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I 25 (F[emale]), met my now fiancé (26 M[ale]) five years ago, and we started dating really quickly. A year into our relationship, we met each other’s families.”
“My family loves him because of how he treats me; he’s honestly the most wonderful guy.”
“His family also likes me; the only person I’ve really had problems with is his older sister (29).”
“Ever since I’ve met his family, his sister has always had a problem with my weight. I’ve always been on the bigger side, and for the longest time, it took a really long time to gain some self-confidence.”
“So, when meeting his family, his sister has always made some remarks about how I should do something about my weight, even going as far as to directly tell me I’m too ugly and fat for her brother, that she doesn’t know why he would settle for less.”
“My fiancé never heard any of these things because…”
“1)She’s always been good at hiding her disgust of me from him, and…”
“2) I never told him because I didn’t want to cause trouble between them; he adores his sister.”
“Well, we’re getting married in 3 months and 2 weeks ago, and I finally found my dream dress.”
“I went to my fitting with my mother, F[uture]-M[other-I[n]-L[aw] and S[ister]-I[n]-L[aw].”
“As I, my mother and mother-in-law were gushing at how perfect the dress was for me, his sister was looking at me with what can only be described as disgust.”
“She went on a long rant about how I would, of course, settle for less because nothing good would actually fit me.”
“She went on to detail everything that was wrong with me and how I looked, and even with both my mom and hers trying to stop her, she did not stop, only got worse with her little crash out.”
“It got to a point where I had to stop everything and just leave. “
“Before I even got home, my mother had already called my fiancé and told him what happened, so understandably he was furious.”
“He sat me down and asked me about it, and for the first time in four years, I told him everything.”
“We ended up spending the rest of the day crying with him; he was profusely apologizing for never noticing, and he promised to fix it.”
“What I didn’t expect was him waking up the next morning and deciding to un-invite his sister to our wedding.”
“His exact words were, ‘A wedding is a celebration of love between the bride and groom and the people who go, go to celebrate them.'”
“He said that since she clearly cannot be happy for us, she can save both her time and money and just not go, and that was it.”
“I didn’t expect it, and when I asked him why he would do that, he told me that yes, he loves his sister, will continue to do so, but he will not compromise my day and my happiness just because his sister is small-minded.”
“I had no problem with that; his family, however, has all called me to apologize on her behalf and ask him to reconsider,”
“At first I refused, but now, after his mother called me to tell me that I’m being a ‘selfish witch’ and I’m already tearing her family apart.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Am I the a**hole?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“His mother witnessed his sister belittle you at your WEDDING DRESS APPOINTMENT, and YOU’RE the witch??”
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
“She will only do the same at the wedding if invited. NTA.” ~ Only-Ingenuity7889
“Sounds like sister has been sneakily insulting OP when he wasn’t around/looking!!!”
“Totally understand OP not saying anything to keep the peace!”
“But insulting her at her dress fitting – nuh-uh!”
“So glad OP’s mom filled him in on what happened!”
“And he’s right, if you can’t celebrate love, then you shouldn’t be there!” ~ WidowTwankey14
“I cannot stand when people demand the victim apologize for being a victim.”
“Everyone so rushed to ‘apologize’ for evil SIL, but now that there are legit consequences, is it the victim evil?”
“Everyone calling OP to ‘fix this’ is calling the wrong person.”
“First off, the calls to fix anything are wasted as SIL is an unrepentant bomb thrower, but the entire force of the family pressure should be berating sister and possibly shunning her from more than just this wedding.”
“What’s more ironic is that it wasn’t even OP that banished her.”
“This might be a good time to simply announce to his family they have eloped with OP’s immediate family, and if his family can tame SIL and keep her in a cage, maybe they’ll come around sometime in the future.” ~ Foolish-Pleasure99
“Exactly this!”
“SIL doesn’t appear to be sorry, or she would’ve apologized.”
“Sounds like neither of their mothers could get her to shut up, so what would happen if she brought that same attitude to the wedding?”
“Talk about a selfish witch!” ~ Key_Opening6939
“Not just belittle, but completely bully and body shame OP.”
“She was trying to get SIL to stop, but that might have been more because of the setting.”
“OP’s fiancé made the decision knowing the facts; his sister is the one who did the damage.”
“The flying monkeys either don’t want to ask him, or he’s pushed back on retracting the uninviting.”
“She hasn’t said anything at all, so it may be that she isn’t sorry at all.’
“OP, you’re going to look beautiful on your wedding day, and it’s clear your fiancé sees you as beautiful.”
“That’s all that matters.” ~ lemon_charlie
“This family sounds horrible.”
“Why is MIL coming to YOU to call you hateful?”
“You’re not the one who uninvited your sister, and you’re not the hateful one.”
“But somehow it’s YOUR fault?”
“Direct your MIL to talk to her son and her own daughter and sort the mess out.”
“They may come to you with an apology and a resolution.”
“Edit to add – your fiancé sounds like a stand-up guy… next time don’t hide stuff from him so that he can help you resolve things.”
“You deserve his support; no point in hiding stuff to protect him.”
“It comes out anyway.” ~ LiveKindly01
“I totally agree it’s on the fiancé to handle his family, BUT I kinda want OP’s mom to step in again too.”
“There’s nothing quite like a mom going after another mom for not raising her kid right.”
“OP, if you’re reading this though, please make sure your fiancé knows about the harassment his family is doing to you.”
“I know you hid his sister’s actions in the past, but that time is over.”
“He needs to know what his mom is doing and needs to have a very frank discussion with her and tell her exactly what he told you when he decided to uninvite his sister.” ~ Impressive-Cod-7103
“Tell your future Monster-in-Law that her daughter’s behavior over several years is tearing her family apart, not you.”
“Also, this is your husband’s decision, not yours.”
“You support him, but at the end of the day, it is his decision.”
“And I agree with the decision.”
“Your future Monster-in-Law is only looking at saving face with the extended family.”
“She really doesn’t care about her daughter’s negative behavior on the negative effect it has caused.”
“If I were a betting man, I would say the daughter most likely voiced her own opinions about you to the Monster-in-Law.”
“The continued behavior would be indicative that the Monster-in-Law cares more about the daughter than her son and your relationship.” ~ sog96
“NTA. First of all, your fiancée is worth his weight in gold.”
“He did the exact right thing.”
“Second, note who didn’t call to apologize.”
“Until she does, no one should reconsider anything.”
“Because she likes bullying you, and you can bet that she will take some shots at the wedding and reception.”
“As for your MIL – I can see where the sister gets it from.”
“Her first reaction was to blame the victim.”
“Do not listen to the MIL – you are not tearing the family apart.”
“The family is doing it to protect a bully.”
“And your fiancé needs to get his mother on line to make sure she doesn’t act up at the wedding either.” ~ bamf1701
“NTA. Tell your FMIL that as her son’s future wife, your role is to support your husband in how he deals with his family, so you will not be telling him what to do since he has made his decision.”
“And then tell him what she and other relatives have been saying to you.”
“This is your first test as a couple to make sure you two are always on the same page when it comes to dealing with relatives and backing each other up in those decisions.” ~ Creative-Sun6739
“Tell your financé about these messages IMMEDIATELY!!!”
“Do not wait 4 years like you did with the bullying.”
“You need to be completely transparent with him; he is going to be your husband.”
“Stop hiding the BS his family is throwing at you from him.”
“NTA, but you are a bit of an AH for not telling him about the bullying.” ~ NefariousnessRich864
“NTA. This is a great lesson that he handles drama that comes from his family, and you will handle any drama coming from yours.”
“Not only that, he has your back and will not tolerate her actions.”
“Good. For. Him.” ~ Proud-Geek1019
Reddit has your back, OP.
Your SIL sounds like a toxic person.
You deserve only good vibes and good people surrounding you on your day.
This may be a difficult road ahead, dealing with his family.
But don’t focus on that now.