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Groom Refuses To Kick Foreign Family Members Out For Wearing White To His Wedding

A young woman twirls in a white dress

Wedding party or guest…

There is always a stress about proper attire at a wedding.

Is there a theme?

Is there a color pattern?

Is it some odd cartoon parade of characters?

It can be a mixed bag.

But most guests are assumed to know an unspoken rule…

Only the bride wears white?

Is that a must?

Because if it is, some people may need a spoken memo.

Case in point…

Redditor Specific-Crew4608 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for giving my mom and stepsister the benefit of the doubt that they did not know it was rude to wear white to a wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I recently married my beautiful wife.”

“This wedding was something she stressed about for a long time.”

“And she is a major perfectionist and the type who has dreamed of her wedding her entire life.”

“My mom flew in for the wedding.”

“She lives abroad with her husband and one of her stepdaughters came with her.”

“My mom and I have an awkward relationship and she was already a bit pissy that she had to come to the U[nited] S[tates] for my wedding when I didn’t go to hers (did not feel safe in that country).”

“I’ve never met her husband before or her stepdaughter.”

“Everything was ok until the stepdaughter showed up at our wedding in sparkly white.”

“I immediatley saw my wife’s face drop.”

“I said maybe she didn’t know as women in her country wear red.”

“My wife said that was no excuse as my mom would have known.”

“I said I wasn’t sure if she would.”

“She didn’t spend that long in the US and she hated it.”

“She hardly interacted with anyone when she did live here and moved the moment her divorce was final.”

“I’m really not sure how much she picked up on American customs when she didn’t interact.”

“My wife asked me to kick my stepsister out.”

“And I said I didn’t feel comfortable as they had had such a long flight and spent so much time and money.”

“I assured her that everyone would know who the bride was, and I really don’t think my mom or stepsister knew.”

“As the wedding went on I could see it was really effecting her ability to enjoy, and her friends kept bringing it up.”

“I finally asked mutual family to ask them to leave, but my wife feels it was too little too late and that I didn’t defend her.”

“She says as women there is no way they didn’t know, especially my mom, and that I chose to play dumb because I didn’t want the confrontation.”

“Her friends were all backing her, and I feel awful over this and wish I just kicked them out the moment I saw them.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.

“Did anyone think to ask your mother and step sister if they were aware of the faux pax?”

“It is possible that they did not know.”

“Not likely but possible.”

“It take 2 minutes for someone (other than you) to pull them aside and tell them.”

“I honestly will never understand how women get so bent out of shape about what people are wearing to their wedding.”

“I was focused on my husband… not what people were wearing.”

“The real AH are those who kept bringing it up to the bride instead of distracting her away from your family.”

“Kinda the AH.”  ~ lynncross2001

“If someone is going to be so rude to wear white to try slight you, it’s because the relationship is already terrible.”

“So for most instances of this happening it’s the last in a long line of instances of that person being an a**hole to you.”

“It’s less about them wearing the white dress and more about the fact they’re wearing it specifically to piss you off.”

“If someone did it at my wedding I would have laughed at them, but I don’t have any enemies.”  ~ annedroiid

“Right!!! That’s the part that’s missing here and why I genuinely believe this was a best a fashion faux pas.”

“This woman has never met the bride.”

“What would be her motivation for trying to slight her?!?!”

“She shows up from out of the country, grabs the wrong dress and is suddenly enemy number 1.”

“What?!?! Obviously, she should be given benefit of the doubt.”

“It just makes sense.”

“ETA – OP’s Wife’s ‘friends’ took an awkward situation and made her feel WORSE about it.”

“She has shi**y friends.”  ~ Alarming_Reply_6286

“Frankly, it should have been a case of ‘no big deal.'”

“She wore a white dress. So what?”

“Yes, it’s a faux pas.”

“It wasn’t a wedding dress, though.”

“It most likely was a misunderstanding of cultural expectations, but suppose it was on purpose.”

“Who looks bad?”

“The step-sister, of course.”

“What happens if everyone ignores it.”

“Step-sister still looks like the idiot, and bride and groom look like saints.”

“What happens if bride and groom apologize for not making it clear that white was a faux pas, are very understanding, and hope that their other guests won’t make step-sister feel uncomfortable and encourages them to stay, enjoy themselves, and ignore any comments the other guests might say?”

“Again, they look like saints with the added bonus of making step-sister uneasy.”

“What happens if you kick your mother out of your wedding reception over sister-in-laws white dress?”

“A very unpleasant scene that divides families and ruins a wedding.”

“Why does it seem like most people go for the action with the worst outcome?”  ~ PrivateEyes2020

“Yeah, exactly! So many people advocate for the most drastic action because you have the right to do it, not thinking about how taking the high road can actually put you in a better position.”

“Obviously there are some times when you really need to take a stand, but this isn’t one of them.”

“Not to mention that this absolutely could have been an accident.”

“If you’re on AITA all the time this issue comes up pretty frequently so it may feel like this is an obvious, well-known faux pas.”

“But not everyone spends that much time thinking about wedding etiquette.”

“Especially if OP’s mom wasn’t even in the U.S. that long and his stepsister never was they probably never heard this rule.”  ~ hackberrypie

“I just said I have planned hundreds of weddings and this happens more than people think.”

“Honestly, no one cares!!”

“I have politely asked women not to stand near the wedding party or the bride during pictures or traditions if they were wearing white but never asked anyone to leave.”

“If the only thing this bride remembers about her wedding day is what this woman wore… that’s on her and her ridiculous friends.”

“People wear crazy stuff to weddings… in lots of colors!!!”  ~ Alarming_Reply_6286

“I agree with all of this, but I’m still gonna vote YTA because OP really should have informed his mother about American wedding traditions and faux pas before she flew abroad.”

“He’s the one who put his mother and wife in this awkward situation when a simple phone call, text, email, etc. could have avoided the entire thing.”  ~ Ok-Aardvark-6742

“Right? Instead of whispering behind their back, just ask the mom and S[ister] I[n] L[aw] if they knew this was a major American faux pas.”

“And who knows, someone might have even had a solution.”

“I frequently brink a taffeta or charmeuse wrap that I just leave at the table in case I get cold at these events.”

“I’d gladly lend it out.”  ~ PetuniaGoBlue

“Most American weddings that I’ve been involved in, the mothers somewhat coordinate and plan together.”

“Or at least the bride makes a request.”

“They don’t exactly match the wedding party or each other but they don’t stand out either.”

“For example if the M[other] O[f] B[ride] is wearing a street length dress, the M[other] O[f] G[room] shouldn’t wear a more formal floor length dress.”

“OP and the bride should have made suggestions on what his mother and sister were planning to wear, especially since they were coming from another country with different customs.”

“I assume you let them know if it was semi-formal, cocktail, etc so you could have said something as simple as only the bride in the US wears white.”  ~ Kellyjb72

“YTA. The problem was not that you gave them the benefit of the doubt.”

“The problem is that you’re so conflict-avoidant with your mother that you wouldn’t address something that was an obvious problem for your wife on your wedding day.”

“Presumably you want this to be your wife’s only wedding day, so it would have been appropriate to help problem-solve this issue.”

“Why couldn’t you (or someone you sent over to speak with them) have pulled your mom and S[tep]S[ister] aside to mention that wearing white to a wedding is not done, and ask if they could imagine any solution.”

“Your SS may have had another dress packed, or a wrap to cover the dress, or some other solution.”

“But you don’t know, because you waited until things were at a boiling point and then tossed them out.”

“I’m left wondering why your SS was even there, since you’d never met her before.”  ~ SuzieQbert

“YTA. Your wife was right! It is general knowledge that no one wears white except the bride!”

“Who comes to a wedding in a SPARKLING WHITE dress??”  ~ MidnightSunIsabella

Well OP, it sounds like Reddit has some serious issues with you and your wife’s behavior.

It seems like a mess.

Hopefully fences can be mended and all of this can be chalked up to a simple misunderstanding and emotions running high.