People with intellectual disabilities struggle to be understood and respected.
As society still expects disabled people to somehow function normally, these people suffer at the hands of social stigmas as well as situations in daily life that are not adapted for them to deal well with.
Redditor u/Throwra_sunshine03 found herself fighting against her own husband to respect her intellectually disabled sister. After getting fed up with his endless complaining and invalidation, she finally sent him home and enjoyed the day to herself. Afterwards, he was none too happy about that.
Needing objective feedback from strangers, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole” or “AITA” to get some input:
“AITA For not taking my husband with me to my sister’s wedding party?”
Our original poster, or OP, talked about the idea to make her sister happy.
“I, F[emale]31 have a mentally disabled sister. She has an intellectual disability. She’s 27 understands many things but has mobility issues but nothing severe. She lives with my parents and needs assistance.”
“A couple of months ago, shortly after my cousin’s wedding. Mom told me my sister started crying asking why she can’t have a wedding and wear a white dress and be a bride, it’s devastating and helpless to hear her speak like that. My aunt came up with an idea.”
“Last week I received an invite via phone. My husband asked and I answered that it was a wedding invitation.”
“He asked where it came from and I said my parents are having a wedding party for my sister. He looked at me shocked and asked me to explain.”
“And I explained my parents wanted to have a wedding party for my sister where she gets to experience being a bride and wear a white dress like every other bride and enjoy the day.”
“He said ‘and the groom?’ I said there’s no groom And explained we were just having a small party for my sister to give her the opportunity to experience being a bride since she’ll never be actually be married and have a wedding due to her condition.”
“My aunt came up with the idea and everyone thought it was a good idea. He was still stunned trying to process what I said.”
“He then asked ‘Are you people normal? Like are you being serious right now?!?!? and your parents are actually going through with and funding this stupid idea?'”
“He then burst out laughing out of the blue. I was annoyed I walked away from him and he still laughed about it later saying my parents probably have way too much money to waste apparently.”
“And asked if we’re getting this on the local news since it’s a ‘first.’ He didn’t stop joking and making fun of it.”
After endless making fun of her sister and a special day for her, OP grew tired of her husband.
“The day of the party he came out the bathroom and was wearing suit saying he can’t believe he was playing along with this.”
“And felt stupid to be wearing a suit for this party. I said he didn’t have to because I won’t be taking him with me.”
“He stopped talking and didn’t think I was serious He just turned and walked out saying he was getting the car ready but I told him no he wasn’t coming with me because after all he said I just don’t trust him not to hurt my parents or sister with his jokes.”
“And if he tried to go in there then I’d have my parents kick him out. He asked why I was treating him like this. I said because of his attitude.”
“He argued that I should please forgive him for how he reacted and that anyone in his shoes would’ve reacted the same way. I just grabbed my stuff and walked out.”
OP’s husband then pushed back at her decision.
“He argued he was trying to show support but I was being harsh. I ended up going alone and he kept sulking afterwards saying he missed all the fun because of me and treated him as if he was a dog rather than my husband.”
“I said he disrespected my sister and my family but he insisted he loves my family and I deprived him of sharing their joy on my sister’s big day (he even said this sarcastically).”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors all very much sided against OP’s husband and his cruel, callous jokes.
“OP, the whole idea is delightful! And I’ve read articles about people (always women, of course) who chose not to marry, or have reached an age where everyone thinks they should be married but they’re single, and decided to throw a wedding to marry themselves.”
“White dress, flowers, registry, dinner, everything. I think it’s a wonderful idea, as long as there’s no bridezilla a**holery involved. NTA.”-usernaym44
“Mock weddings are actually becoming a thing now, where people dress up and have an entourage just to dance and have fun.”
“There’s nothing abnormal about it, and it’s no laughing matter either, OP and their family are giving the sister a beautiful experience that she’ll be talking about for years.”
“Also, the husbands comment on how his in laws could have used the money on something useful and profitable?”
“That’s not his money, he doesn’t get to dictate what his in laws do with their money, he doesn’t get to disrespect his in laws then expect to attend a party funded by them.”
“He practically shat all over his SIL and he isn’t even sorry, the only thing he’s upset about is being put in the doghouse ‘for no reason.’”
“Honestly? This post makes ME wanna have a mock wedding now! That sounds FUN as HELL, NTA OP I hope your sister and family had fun!”-Aggressive_Theme7229
“NTA – 👏 I like your boundaries, and kudos for standing up for your sister and family in the face of his derision.”
“Your husband was a major a**hat, not sure if this is his normal but…. I really hope not for you. Anyway, I hope your sister loved her special day!”
“What wonderful memories you all created for her and each other 💗”-anyone_else_confused
“So I am a huge wedding & etiquette snob and judge the heck out of all sorts of things. And what do I think about this party? I think it’s an amazing and sweet gesture for your sister.”
“So if one of the most judgmental wedding people ever who has never met your sister is supporting this, your husband damn well should be too. NTA”-EvilSockLady
And people were very upset with OP’s husband for mocking it.
“NTA I think the wedding party idea was brilliant, I really cannot understand why your husband chose to mock it. He showed enormous disrespect to you, your parents, and especially your sister.”
“You didn’t treat him like a dog, you treated like a person who thinks cruelly mocking family and the mentally disabled is something to laugh about.”
“He literally has no defense for his behavior. You were correct for going to the party by yourself, I hope you had a great time.”
“Tell your aunt her idea was wonderful. For the record, I would have told the absolute truth when asked why husband was not in attendance. He can explain his comments to everyone.”-shaney1968
“NTA. Your husband was obviously immature and self-centered, but a lot of people don’t grasp the reality of having family member with a disability like that.”
“So while immaturity definitely played a factor, his reaction could have also been influenced by an incorrect perception of the situation (and a skewed one of marriage as well).”
“Now is the time to have a sit down talk with him after the fact and explain it in detail and allow him to apologize, and accept it if he means it.”-Aegoran
“NTA – Man, he sounds fun. Look. There are people who are going to agree with him, but the last I checked we didn’t have power over each others lives so that everyone has to stop doing what they want because someone else doesn’t agree.”
“He sounds incredibly childish and ill-mannered. I don’t blame you for not bringing him. I imagine he would have seized the moment to share his pearls of wisdom and ruined the day.”-Personal_Main_4978
“NTA, but I’d have a conversation with your husband as to why he had this attitude in the first place, why he thinks he’s entitled to say how your parents spend money, and also why it matters that y’all did this for your sister?”
“Like honestly why did it matter this much she had a small party where she got to feel like a bride because she’s unable to experience it? Wtf is wrong with your husband?”-Sea-Firefighter-8175
Most people thought the punishment expressly fit the crime.
“NTA. I think it’s amazing that your parents are well set enough to do something so kind for her, and your husband was a dick literally right up until you told him he wasn’t coming.”
“Like, right up until the very moment he was told he was no longer invited.”
“There’s no way I would trust him not to say something at the actual event, and I don’t think consistently disrespectful behavior should be encouraged in any way.”
“Your whole family sounds super supportive and awesome, as do you. The idea of this mini wedding warms my heart. You guys are wholesomely wonderful.”-IBeatHimAtChess
“NTA. The fact that your husband still doesn’t seem to understand what was wrong with is reaction is very concerning.”
“He is entitled to his opinion, but no one asked him to share it. He continued to make mean spirited and sarcastic jokes about the situation.”
“I suspect if he had have gone he would have recorded it on his phone and then had a good laugh making fun of your sister and parents with his friends.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised if you found out he has made fun of this with his friends or family behind your back.”-GreatGazelle240
“NTA. Your husband ‘missed all the fun’ of a party he made fun of and ‘couldn’t believe he was playing along with.’”
“He was blatantly disrespectful to your sister and your parents. Has he been disrespectful to your parents and sister before?”
“When your parents are no longer able to care for your sister, who will she live with? Will your husband support you and her if she needs a place to live in the future?”-Distorted_Penguin
“NTA, I mean it’s one thing if he said something dumb and insensitive about the whole and I have to admit I’d probably be a bit skeptical myself, but it’s neither mine nor his decision.”
“So if he has to voice his opinion he can do it once and then shut up; but he doubled, tripled, and quadrupled down on it and in the end he missed ‘all the fun,’ to use his own words.”
“I’m curious though why he’d even want to go if the whole idea was so ridiculous to him and I wouldn’t be surprised if his whole .. let’s call it outbreak was because it was for your sister and not you and him.”-Lotex_Style
OP and her family did something wonderful for her sister.
If OP’s husband didn’t want to indulge that, then he got what he deserved—at least, according to Reddit, he did.
And Reddit brings the gavel down on another case once again.