in , ,

Guy Refuses To Cut His Long Hair For His Sister’s Wedding To Appease Her Evangelical Fiancé

A young man with long hair poses

Hair is a very personal choice.

How we chose to fix it, color and live with it is an intimate decision.

And how people want others to attend their wedding is also a very personal choice.

These two aesthetics can often clash.

Case in point…

Redditor throwaway4897577 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for refusing to cut my hair short for my sister wedding?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I (28 M[ale]) have a sister (30 F[emale]) who is marrying in 1 week and a half from now.”

“She and my parents are kinda conservative but nothing too much, exept her fiancée (33 M[ale]) is evangelical and really religious.”

“We never got along well and had a lot of discussions.”

“He really disagrees with a lot about me and tries to change me.”

“Like for example my bisexuality, political views, lack of religion in my life etc.”

“Well here’s the problem, when my sister announced her wedding I was happy for her despite my problems with her fiancée.”

“But when I received the invitation to the ceremony, it came with a lot of rules like no drinking, no drugs, and men should cut the hair short and have no facial hair.”

“Apparently these are Evangelical rules her fiancée imposed.”

“Well I have a long hair for a man right now.”

“It’s on my shoulder’s length, and I’ve been letting it grow for almost four years now.”

“I immediately contacted my sister and said that I could do the other rules but I wouldn’t cut my hair.”

“I’ve been styling it for four years.”

“And I’m not cutting it over one day for religious beliefs that are not even mine.”

“She started to try to convince me to do it and that men shouldn’t even care about their hair that much.”

“She said that as her brother and an important person in the wedding I would be embarrassing them with my hair and that I should leave this rebellious phase behind.”

“Especially if I wanted a better job (currently a school teacher and loving my job. LOL).”

“We discussed it and fought a lot over the week about it and I ended up saying that if she did not want me as myself I simply wouldn’t go.”

“She said she would take my invitation off if I could not do that.”

“Well 4 days later she texted me saying I was still invited.”

“Apparently my parents pressured her to make an exception for me because she would regret not having me there.”

“I never asked for that they did it on their own.”

“But now both sides are calling me an a**hole for creating all this drama and my inability for conceding especially my parents who agree with my sister and her fiancée but think me not going would be worse.

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Nope. Your future brother-in-law can impose whatever religious disciplines he likes on himself.”

“He doesn’t get to impose those on anyone else.”

“If they don’t want some long-haired hippy socialist at their wedding, they don’t have to invite you. NTA.”  ~ _mmiggs_

“NTA. The idea that someone would expect guests at their wedding to cut their hair differently or shave if they have a beard is nuts.”

“Clean? Yes. Styled? Yes. Cut and shaved is totally different.”  ~ Algebralovr

“NTA, but be warned – this is only the beginning of occasions where they will try to impose their beliefs on your family.”

“If they’re fundamentalist to the extent that they are even against facial hair, I guarantee you that there are even more rules and beliefs you’ll find out about later.”

“So, best to set the tone now.”

“You are who you are, and you’re not changing it to adhere to beliefs that aren’t even yours.”

“Because I promise that if you cave on this, they won’t stop – they may never actually stop trying to impose their beliefs on others.”

“But at least if they know it won’t work on you, that gives you an advantage for the future.”  ~ hannahsflora

“Bride and groom get to set the dress code for the event (formal, cocktail, beach casual, farm-yard chic, etc.), they can even ask guests to avoid a certain color (white, for example).”

“Once you start dictating more, you are into -zilla territory.”

“The couple should NEVER dictate hair length or color on any part of their guests, nor do they get to dictate level of make-up, hight of heels or any other such silliness.”

“They shouldn’t even be dictating hair lenght/color for the bridal party, let alone guests.”

“I wouldn’t go to this wedding based on that invite – even if my hair was the correct length and my apparale conservative enough.”

“Here is the deal though, your sister is marrying a control freak and unfortunately, at some point you may have to cut them out of your life.”

“But in the meantime, keep pushing back to show both her and your family that this guy’s will is not the will of God and he can (and should) be defied.”  ~ Corpuscular_Ocelot

“NTA. You are you and she knew that when she invited you.”

“The haircut request is not reasonable.”

“They have their religious beliefs and are trying to impose them on you and the guests.”

“That is not reasonable.”

“They are not practicing any tolerance for people beyond their strict beliefs.”

“Do what you feel best but they are not entitled to expect you to cut your hair short for their wedding.”  ~ Ducky818

“NTA. According to your sister ‘men shouldn’t care about their hair so much.'”

“So why is this such an issue for her and her husband.”

“They just need to work on not caring about your hair.”

“By the way One of my colleagues at my elementary school had hair down to his waist – he retired last year after 35 years in the job.”

“Another one has dreads past his shoulders.”

“Both of these men are grown, and certainly not rebelling or in some kind of ‘phase.'”

“Hair length is not commensurate with maturity.”  ~ Slytherinsrus

“At your wedding are you going to require her fiancée to grow out his hair to shoulder length?”

“You should probably let him know so he has time to work on it.”

“NTA – religious rules apply to the believers, not the heathen.”

“If your hair style was good enough for Jesus it should be good enough for them.”  ~ Plumbus-aficianado

“To be totally honest—I’d rather stay home and do something enjoyable with my time than to waste it being uncomfortable for several hours at a wedding with people forcing their religious beliefs down my throat and starting drama with me for not conforming to their ‘aesthetic.’ NTA.”  ~jasperjamboree

“NTA- if men shouldn’t care about hair much (according to the fiancée), then why should anyone have a problem with your hair?”  ~ No-Priority4155

“NTA. You did not create the drama.”

“Literally all you have done is be yourself.”

“Your sister is the one insisting you make changes to your appearance that will take months to undo, and everyone else is refusing to accept your offer to simply bow out if keeping your current hairstyle is unacceptable.”

“If they all want to continue fussing about it, let that be their problem, and remind them that you just not coming is always an option if it’s going to be too much trouble otherwise.”  ~ mm172

“NTA. Tell your sister you wish her the best and you are bummed that you will not be able to attend the wedding as yourself, so you’ll have to pass.”

“You did exactly that, and then she relented.”

“The words ‘You would embarrass me’ can not be unsaid.”

“I would now simply say, You know I love you and I don’t want to embarrass you on your big day.”

“In any part of your life where who I am won’t be an embarrassment for you, count me as there for you.'” ~ AryaIsWaif

“NTA If you decide to go be ready to have to try and be the bigger person as her fiancée and family will try to create drama and draw attention to your hair so they can blame you for ruining the wedding.”

“I’m also blown away by the idea of evangelical Christians being against long hair on men because look at how Jesus is always portrayed.”  ~ KkSquish17

“NTA. You are an adult with full bodily autonomy.”

“The issue with the super religious is that they want to impose their beliefs to restrict others, and force them to comply with their own worldview.”

“Your family is a piece of work.”

“Sister insulted your career, and says that you’re in a juvenile phase.”

“Says ‘men shouldn’t care about hair,’ but her husband seems to care a lot about your hair.”

“Her husband’s attitude makes me wonder if he finds it too, um, appealing, causing uncomfortable feelings in his loins when he sees it.”

“Your parents seem to be going along with them.”  ~ whorfin2022

“Given the standard depiction most Western Christians believe in, your soon to be Brother in Law’s rules would ban his own messiah from attending, since he has both long hair and a beard. Do with that information what you will.”

“Oh, and you’re NTA. Not by a long shot.”  ~ QueenStabigail

“NTA! Hair is a really important way for people to express themselves and who they are.”

“I do think that you and your sister could probably come to a compromise on how you style it though… man bun? slicked back?”

“Then it wouldn’t be in your face?”  ~ NeurodivergentBlonde

Well OP, Reddit is with you.

You do you.

Hopefully everyone can get on the same page and enjoy the celebration.