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Guy Refuses To Share His Takeout Food With Girlfriend After She Doesn’t Like Her ‘Surprise’ Order

Man and woman with takeout bags of food
10'000 Hours/Getty Images

We’ve all likely been in a situation where we made someone we care about unhappy, even though we technically didn’t do anything wrong.

But that “technically not doing anything wrong” part doesn’t make us any easier to live with or to date, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor FuquaNumba1 recently did not want to share his dinner with his girlfriend when she was really unhappy with how her order turned out.

Though he wasn’t morally obligated to share his food, since she still had food to eat, the Original Poster (OP) was still accused of making his girlfriend unhappy.

He asked the sub:

“AITA for not giving my girlfriend my dinner after I had already bought her dinner?”

The OP lived in an area where food waste was being discouraged.

“My girlfriend (25 Female) and I (29 Male) live in NYC, and there’s a popular app where you buy leftover restaurant food. Restaurants advertise ‘surprise bags’ at a reduced price in order to reduce food waste.”

“The customer doesn’t know what they’re getting until they pick the food up, but the cost is at least three times lower than the normal menu price. (For example, if an entree is usually $24, the restaurant is allowed to charge eight dollars at most for it.)”

“These are hit or miss. Sometimes you get exactly what you want at a greatly reduced price, but sometimes you get something that you otherwise wouldn’t have picked from the menu.”

The OP and his girlfriend recently ordered “surprise bags” from a few restaurants.

“I ordered a surprise bag from a barbecue place that I was picking up on the way home yesterday.”

“I texted my girlfriend asking if she wanted one but she said no, she wasn’t in the mood for barbecue.”

“However, there was an Indian restaurant right next door that also had surprise bags available on the app, so she ordered one of them. The barbecue was $12 and the Indian food was $10.”

The couple wasn’t mutually happy with their meals.

“When I got home, I unpacked the meals to see what we got. I was psyched about my bag.”

“Since I paid $12, I knew the value had to be at least $36, but honestly, the platter looked a lot more expensive. (Keep in mind that we live in the west village, which is the most expensive neighborhood in the most expensive city in the US, so $36 for one meal is pretty typical.)”

“This was a hit. There were burnt ends, ribs, pulled pork, baked beans, potato salad, bread, onions, and pickles.”

“My girlfriend, however, was less lucky. Her surprise bag only had six different types of soup, half of them being variations on cauliflower soup. She was disappointed, to say the least.”

“She asked if we should share my barbecue.”

“I said, ‘No, I’m hungry. I offered to buy you some already, and you said no, so I’m going to devour it.”

This led to an argument.

“She got mad and called me the a**hole.”

“I told her if she didn’t want soup, she should have ordered something specifically instead of using the surprise bag app. I then told her to just order something off a food delivery app.”

“She said she didn’t want to spend the money (another bit of context is I make a lot more money than her and pay all of our rent; I know she’s running a bit of a lean financial picture right now).”

“I then told her that if she didn’t want to pay for a delivery, I’d walk to the bodega on our street and could buy her something there. (Another bit of context is that we live on a fourth-floor walkup with no elevator, and she broke her leg in a car accident a month ago, so it can be tough for her to get around.)”

“She said that the grill was probably turned off there, and all she wanted was a hot meal.”

“I told her she had her soup.”

The OP insisted he had done nothing wrong.

“Anyway, she thinks I’m the a**hole. But in my defense:”

“1. I offered to buy her barbecue to begin with, which she declined.”

“2. She picked out her own food, and I grabbed it for her on my way home.”

“3. When she wasn’t satisfied, I suggested two solutions (either ordering something from an app or going to a bodega).”

“So, Reddit, AITA?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some Redditors were infuriated and disgusted by the OP’s actions.

“His ‘in my defense’ thing made him an even bigger AH. He did say he’d go pick it up for her, but he is missing the point. He isn’t just an AH, he is selfish, and I’m sure this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.”

“Imagine being laid up with a broken leg so she’s dependent on him, and she gets a bunch of crap soup. She sees a giant platter of massive amounts of food, it smells delicious, and she asks to share and he says, ‘Nope, I’m starving. You had your chance to get barbecue.’ But that could have been a failure, as well.”

“So the big person on campus (who makes more money than her and pays the rent, which has absolutely zero to do with this, but this fun fact again makes him an even bigger AH, and let’s not forget he lives in the most expensive neighborhood, in the most expensive city in the country) gallantly offers to pay for delivery (but not her food) or go pick up crappy food at the bodega.”

“And what got me the most was when she said she wanted hot food, and he said, ‘Well, you have soup.'”

“For some reason, this is making me irate. I would never sit there and not share my food with my partner under any circumstances let alone when they were disappointed with their food, had a broken leg, and couldn’t financially afford to get any more.”

“He literally sat there chowing down in front of her, barbecue sauce all over his face and licking his fingers while she was staring at her gross soup.”

“It’s pretty sick behavior on the OP’s part. YTA!” – Nigglescripts

“I honestly can’t imagine telling my wife essentially, ‘tough s**t’ in this scenario as you did with your girlfriend.”

“Were you technically correct? Perhaps, but you could have shared something with someone you allegedly care about. YTA.” – rsjem79

“Why not split the soup and the BBQ? YTA.”

“The reason he should do this is because in a normal relationship, you WANT good things for your partner, and you DON’T want them to go without, especially when you have enough to share.”

“Not sharing it is petty bulls**t and poor behavior if you want to keep your relationship. Your incel is showing.” – etchedchampion

“Ok, YTA. Hear me out. Based on the principle, you are technically in the right. You both gambled, and she happened to lose.”

“However, you’re in a (presumably) loving relationship with this woman. She politely declined and took her own route to eat. It’s not like she expected you to go out of your way to go to a different place.”

“When she hit zilch on her bag and you hit gold, that’s prime time to pool the meals and divide them up a bit to help her get some good food. She can’t function at full capacity with a broken leg, and didn’t demand your food either.”

“Your response? Forgive me if I editorialize but to me, you seemed like a snarling animal wrapping your arms around your food and baring your teeth. ‘Tough luck’ is not an appropriate response in a relationship.”

“If you were friends, I’m with you. But she has a broken leg, she asked nicely, she got totally screwed, and you have an excess. You’re absolutely an a**hole for refusing to share, it’s just not cool.” – SPS_Agent

“I originally looked at it from a ‘not his fault she got a crappy meal’ perspective but thought about it as if I (34 Male) was in this situation with my partner (24 Female), and I’d have given up my entire meal to her if necessary and organized something else for myself, so now I’m leaning heavily towards him being the AH.”

“I also considered what his expectation might be if it was reversed, and I think he’d likely want some of hers and would probably use the excuse that he got it/paid for it for her and so he’s entitled to some if he wants it. OP doesn’t come off well here at all!” – BigEnvironmental4602

Others pointed out that while the OP was NTA… he wasn’t really dating material, either.

“I wish there was a voting option for: ’technically not the a-hole, but I wouldn’t want you as a friend/boyfriend.'”

“Technically, NTA… but dude…. If my husband ordered food at dinner and didn’t like what arrived, I would absolutely offer to share mine with him.” – fuzzydogpaws

“Technically NTA. But in a relationship, YTA. If you ever plan on getting married, you might want to reconsider when to be selfish and when not to be.”

“I had to go back to check you wrote girlfriend and not wife. A loving husband would share, regardless of whether his wife had previously said no. She obviously didn’t expect three variations of cauliflower soup.” – SkullKid888

“NTA. But I wouldn’t date someone like you.” – Responsible_Cup3816

“Is it reasonable for a person to eat the food they buy on their own? Sure.”

“Is this the type of situation where, if repeated, ends up with a happy relationship? Not at all.”

“Is it goofy on her part? A bit.”

“Personally, I would’ve just shared and then, if this were to occur again, I’d point it out at the ordering phase.”

“My wife tends to get meal jealousy. She likes when I order first and wants to copy it. There have been times in the past where ‘ladies first,’ especially in groups, has led her to order before me.”

“One such incident was at a Japanese restaurant with her friends early on in our dating. When the meals arrived, you could see she really wanted what I had. I didn’t really want what she had. But it was written all over her face, and she was giving me the, ‘Oh man, that looks so good’ face.”

“I just reached over and swapped the plates. She really liked her meal. My meal was mediocre. I didn’t say a word about it. I paid for both of them.”

“I was a hero. I was a legend. I was chivalrous. I was kind. She still remembers it. We’ve been happily married for ten years.” – iambecomesoil

“If this were a coworker or a roommate, NTA.”

“But this is your girlfriend. Your girlfriend dealing with financial insecurity and a broken leg.”

“You’re getting all hung up on ‘the principle of the thing’ and forgetting that you’re supposed to care about this person and their well-being and happiness. And in this case, where those things would cost you nothing but sharing the two meals between you so you both eat a decent dinner, YTA.”

“I hope you find it within yourself to be less selfish for her sake. Or that she finds someone who actually cares about her.” – aka_____

While the subReddit could technically agree that the OP had a right to keep his food, they had larger questions about what this meant for the quality of his relationship.

Generally, when two people commit to each other, it’s because they care about each other and want what’s best for them.

How would splitting the two meals with a financially struggling woman with a broken leg not fall under that category?

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan has been a part of the George Takei family since 2019 when she wrote some of her favorite early pieces: Sesame Street introducing its first character who lived in foster care and Bruce Willis delivering a not-so-Die-Hard opening pitch at a Phillies game. She's gone on to write nearly 3,000 viral and trending stories for George Takei, Comic Sands, Percolately, and ÜberFacts. With an unstoppable love for the written word, she's also an avid reader, poet, and indie novelist.