Finances often come between spouses, but for one woman on Reddit this conflict erupted for an unusual reason: because her husband took all the credit for buying their house when telling his family about the purchase.
This made her very angry, but she wasn’t sure about how she handled the situation. So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for persective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by HeartInSand31 on the site, asked:
“AITA for telling my husband’s family and friends that he didn’t buy the house but both of us did?”
She explained:
“My husband M[ale]34, and I, F[emale] 31 bought our first single story house few weeks ago. We both put money towards it and both our names are on the title.”
“Days ago we hosted dinner for his family (my family live in another state) and friends to celebrate this occasion. They brought gifts and took a tour around the house. we had an overall good time til dinner.”
“My husband suddenly started telling the story of how much he sacrifices, how many extra jobs he took and how many years he spent to save for and buy this house, completely ignoring my part of role in it. I was confused, I kept staring at him as he went on about how he found the house and how much trouble he got into to get it.”
“His family and friends looked impressed as he kept saying ‘my house this, my house that’. I said hold on, and told them that it’s not his house, but our house because we both equally saved and conributed equally to be able to purchase it. His mom asked if I was serious and I offered to show her the legal document.”
“My husband looked me shocked and got quiet while his friends and family kept looking at him. He then excused himself to the bathroom for 40 minutes. I had to say goodbye to the guests by myself.”
“He later blew up asking wth I just did, I said he shouldn’t have lied to them in the first place. He asked ‘what could you have possibly gained by saying what you said? What could you have possibly lost if you didn’t?, do you ever think before you speak?’ I got mad and replied that he was dismissing my role in buying the house and I didn’t like that.”
“He was like ‘oh so you decided to humiliate me infront of my family and friends to appear important? Pretenious much?’ I found this insulting but he argued I messed up and ruined his joy in the new home when I could’ve avoided it. I got tired of arguing so I went to sleep. He has gone radio silence the next day and has been acting upset for days now.”
People on Reddit were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Unsurprisingly, they were nearly unanimously on OP’s side on this one.
“OP might made a mistake getting a house with someone this insecure. He was literally okay with making her look bad, but if she told the truth, SHE’S the bad guy. He has serious issues.”
“And I wonder how many other things he’s lying to his family about. Their reactions suggest this guy might have been weaving a tangled web of lies that led to this latest one. I bet all his family and friends have been told she barely works, and that he’s rich and hard working, etc.” –crystallz2000
“I imagine him stomping on the ground like a toddler and quietly whispering these words to himself thinking that he’s gonna destroy every argument she has with it lol OP you’re NTA, you both contributed equally so you both deserve to be recognized equally.” –Sparkling_Hedgehog
“Yup. And the best he could come up with was blatant projection, too. What could he be gaining by saying what he said, by lying to his family and friends and erasing OP’s contribution? What does he think he’ll “lose” by being honest?”
“The fact that his mom immediately shot down op’s claim to have also contributed and sacrificed strongly hints that the hubs has been lying to his family through the whole real estate process. I would consider this to be serious red flag material.” –ALittleQueer
“I know someone like this. Everything said is designed to make him look special, intelligent, and rich when he none of the above. Sometimes it’s an exaggeration, sometimes an outright lie, and frequently minimizes or dismisses financial contributions of others so he looks like he did “more”.” –ghostofumich2005
“Not even minimized but completely wrote it off. Then claimed she lied to them? As Thanos once said: ‘You could not live with your own failure’ Seems like OP’s husband has ego issues and wishes he was the sole provider. The ‘macho man.’ What would she gain from his family and friends looking at her like a leech? NTA op.”
“I don’t normally jump to ‘divorce’ but at least consider if someone who lies, gaslights you (by calling you a liar for saying you gave half for the house even though there’s paperwork stating you did), gives the silent treatment when he’s embarrassed, and victimizes himself is someone you’d like to spend the rest of your life with.” –EstateAlarming2773
“OP, this is…deeply troubling. He is comfortable lying to his close friends and family; he is comfortable not just diminishing but erasing your contribution toward a major life accomplishment; and worst of all, he expects you to be comfortable remaining silent and supporting his utter duplicity. And then to top it all off, he reacts to your reasonable, logical, rational, and 1000% legitimate response to this shocking situation as if you are the one in the wrong.”
“?????”
“Good grief. What are you going to do?” –calligraffiddler
“Right? All of the husbands points can be turned directly back at him – does he not think it’s humiliating to be figuratively sh*t on by your husband in front of everyone? Does he not realize he was being pretentious by taking credit for everything? What does he gain by taking all the credit and what does he lose? Which is more important?” –dalpaengee
“Exactly. He was humiliating his wife so he lost the opportunity to discuss things privately. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. There was no reason for him to do what he did. NTA” –mrschia
“It’s weird. His joy in his house depends entirely upon the perception among his friends that he’s sole owner and if he doesn’t have that, then Everything’s Ruined Forever? I’ve seen ego take some weird forms on Reddit, but “please support my lie because my pride of ownership depends on it” is a rare one.” –LabradorDeceiver
“I also wonder what he’s been telling his family behind OPs back based on the mil response. I wonder if he is setting up the narrative to take the house on the event of a breakup. Some long con to not end up looking like the bad guy somehow.”
“Because A LOT would have had to be said to make me assume that a married couple weren’t both contributing and working towards their new house. He must have been laying it on thick and for a long while for her MIL to have responded as if OP was the one lying.”
“I hate to project and fill in the blanks…. But it really sounds like OPs husband is working on his PR campaign before he tries to screw her out of their home …. Like he’s planning on a divorce and laying the ground work to argue why he deserves sole ownership of the new house” –Wild_Statement_3142
“I’m wondering if there was something monetary that was exchanged between OP’s husband and his family? Like did the husband brag/lament about how hard he was working and implying OP isn’t contributing and then his family gave him some of the money as a down payment that OP doesn’t know about?” –daximuscat
“Yeah like wtf@ the mom, but also, how did the convo even get started? They’re having people over for a housewarming, a happy occasion, and the dude is so dramatic giving some weird reenactment of all the things that supposedly went down for him to contribute to the home purchase.”
“I could see him speaking on a personal level about how it was an important life goal for him, but that’s not how he phrased it at all. Fell on his own damn sword. A big reason why people get married (and divorced) is over finances, and there’s similar examples of this on here often.”
“The only thing I can think of for him to act this way is maybe she had more savings than him to begin with or somehow he thinks whatever he sacrificed is more? Still no reason to ruin the party and flat out lie.” –mmmkcr
Hopefully OP can figure out how to deal with this situation.