No two people have the same taste in food.
Even the most adventurous eaters have some foods they would rather not see on their plates.
Some people need to have certain foods far away from them, simply to avoid a trip to the hospital.
Redditor mildlycaffeinated513 was among the unlucky ones to suffer from multiple food allergies.
Something that always became a bigger problem whenever the original poster OP visited her in-laws.
Thankfully, there was always a mild compensation for this inconvenience during these visits.
After being deprived of this on her most recent in-law visit, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for being upset my husband didn’t drive 7 minutes further for my favorite dessert?"
The OP explained why her most recent visit to her in-laws left an even worse taste in her mouth than usual:
"My husband (28 M[ale]) and I (27 F[emale]) are visiting his parents for the weekend on the coast in Louisiana."
"For some important context, I am highly allergic to all fish, nuts, and gluten."
"It’s extremely hard for me to eat out, especially on the coast because most restaurants cook primarily fish on their menu, or use the same surface area to cook everything on."
"Whenever we visit, my in laws buy me some snacks for the fridge so I don’t starve to death, but anyone who knows southern people…we don’t eat at home very often."
"All 3 meals of the day are eaten out, and most of the time the places they choose give me 1-2 options to choose from, most of which are salads with very plain grilled chicken."
"No joke, I have had 7 salads the last 3 days."
"My husband knows it’s hard for me, but I stick it out for the once a month visits we make."
"I call it my diet because I lose weight every time I go."
"That being said, I make it a rule that if we visit in the hotter months, I want to get an Ice Cream flavored Snoball (it’s a flavored shave ice, and they are THE BEST here…nothing compares)."
"Tonight is our last night here, and I’ve been waiting all weekend for this moment."
"The stand closes at 8pm, so we leave at 7 to make it at 7:10."
"Turns out, the one we go to changed their hours to close at 7."
"Naturally, I go online and see several open around us, the closest one is 7 minutes away- closes at 9pm."
"Husband says no, then proceeds to park at a Daquiri shop to get himself a mudslide daquiri (like an adult shave ice)."
"I thought he was joking when he said no, but next thing I know we are back home."
"I’m high key pissed- and it’s not even about the snoball at this point."
"It’s about the fact that this is the ONE thing I look forward to and he wouldn’t drive an extra 7 minutes for it."
"We took one car and he was driving."
"They ordered pizza tonight and I had turkey slices wrapped in lettuce, lol."
"Uber Eats does not deliver these; they are usually stands owned by families (and they melt fast)."
"When we eat out, they now ask me if I can have anything on the menu or check for salads."
"We legit eat out breakfast, lunch, and dinner."
"My allergies are annoying, and I try to be as low maintenance as possible, but anaphylaxis is the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced, and I live in fear every day."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for being upset that her husband refused to drive 7 extra miles to get her favorite dessert.
Everyone agreed that if the OP's husband had enough time to get a treat for himself, then the least he could have done was get the OP a small treat to make up for her lack of viable eating options on their trip:
"NTA."
"Seven salads in three days and this man couldn't drive seven minutes so his wife could get the one treat she'd been looking forward to?"
"Come on."- OfficialBroccoliRob
"NTA."
"Him getting himself a treat and driving home says it all."- Peculiar-Possum
"NTA, but that is the first time I have ever heard that about southerners (being one myself)."
"The only people I know who eat out 3 times a day are late teens/early 20's college kids."
"The rest of us know how to cook and aside from an initial dinner out to welcome someone, would be horrified not to cook and bake for visitors."
"Your husband is a total a** though."
"Also - why not just go get the ice yourself?"
" Can you not drive or Uber?"- SeorniaGrim
"NTA."
"I'm intolerant/allergic to a bunch of things myself and have driven 45 mins to a gluten free exclusive bakery cause i knew i would be able to eat there and not get sick."
"He got himself a desert and told you no even knowing you are basically not eating much atm."
"That would have upset me too."- Kattiaria
"Not gonna lie, OP, this boggles the mind."
"My husband would never tell me no to start with, even when I probably could use it, but to actually get himself a treat afterwards?"
"That's just low."
"NTA."- GinAndDumbBitchJuice
"NTA."
"But I’d stop joining him every month for these visits considering how selfish he behaved."- Historical-Dingo3845
"NTA."
"Sounds like he can visit alone next month."
"Man let's his wife starve AND won't drive 10 more minutes to get her a dessert to visit HIS family."
"Disgusting."- Dontmakemepickaname
"NTA."
"I can't imagine doing that to someone."- user9876543121
"NTA."
"7 minutes isn't that far and he clearly wasn't that tired if he took the time to go get himself an alcoholic treat of his own."- MaySeemelater
"There's a lot to unpack here, and TBH why the heck are you still even entertaining the thought of visiting his parents every month."
"Let me repeat what you have told us back to you so you really hear it."
"Your inlaws buy snacks for their fridge so you don't starve instead of buying proper food and cooking it at home or at least buying food that you can cook for them or yourself. They choose the places you all eat out at 3 times a day and NONE of those places have more than one or two options?"
"WTF? "
"Why don't you or your husband get to choose places to eat so you can have a decent meal."
"Your husband knows it’s hard for you but makes absolutely ZERO effort to make it easier or more pleasant for you."
"Your husband refuses to drive 7 minutes to get you a snowball dessert and then spends what amounts to 7 minutes getting himself a dessert."
"Lady, you are either the world's biggest doormat or he has a LOT of money and a terminal illness."
"Grow a spine and make it clear you aren't putting up with his and his family's bullshit a second longer and you will NOT be attending any further monthly (!!!) visits to his parents until you are provided with proper home-cooked meals you can eat OR you all go to restaurants that YOU get to choose."
"It's clear to everyone here that he and his parents don't like you so you need to decide whether you like yourself enough to leave him."
"Oh and re your comment at the end: 'I try to be as low maintenance as possible'."
"Please STOP! Stop trying to be a pond just because your husband can't swim in the ocean."
"Be ALL the maintenance - the higher the better."
"NTA obviously."- Born-Inevitable264
The OP later returned with an update, sharing a heart-to-heart she had with her husband, and thanking those who took the time to comment:
"Thank you all for the feedback last night!"
"I had a conversation with my husband last night about how the situation made me feel."
"He did admit to it being a selfish act on his part and told me that when he visits, the priority is his parents (which is very true)."
"To answer some of your questions from the original post:"
"I myself am not from the southern states."
"I am from the West Coast and my husband moved us here after we got married since he grew up down here."
"I asked my husband why we always eat out, and he told me that his mom cooked 100% of the time when he was a kid and when we visit it’s 'celebratory' aka their way of trying new restaurants in the area."
"When we visit, we leave in the morning in ONE car and are back after dinner, so going to a store isn’t exactly easy."
"When we are at their house, I snack on what they buy me when they do take out."
"The closest grocery store is 25 minutes away, it’s not just a 'hop in the car and go to the store' type of area."
"Within 10 miles we have gas stations, a daquiri shop, a few snoball stands, and bait shops."
"Last thing to mention- I asked about a compromise and offered to teach his mom how to cook a few dishes that I could eat."
"He said they’d be open to it, but it would be a process because his mom doesn’t like cooking things that are not traditional, but she would probably do it for me if I asked."
"Anyways, thank you all for your responses and suggestions!"
"Hopefully this gave you some more clarification."
"I’ll be reconsidering the next trip, whether I go or not."
"It seems to be more stressful than anything."
It's nice that the OP's husband admitted his behavior was selfish.
Even so, while his parents should be the priority when he visits, he could at least make the tiniest effort to make sure his wife doesn't starve.
If OP skips the next visit, as she suggested he might, it could make for a much less stressful visit for everyone.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.