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Family Furious After Daughter’s Husband Says They Can’t Visit New Baby Unless They Call First

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Living in close proximity to family would appear to be a blessing.

Being able to see them as often as you would like, not to mention being able to ask for their help in certain matters whenever you need it.

But while some might find this situation a lucky one, others might find it a burden.

Such was the case for Redditor johnbilbobadger, who became increasingly tired of his in-laws showing up to visit him, his wife and new baby unannouced.

So much so, that the original poster (OP) even set up a rule around their visiting privileges.

Wondering if he had gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for telling my in laws they have to call before visiting?”

The OP explained how after one too many unannounced visits, the OP instigated a rule surrounding all future visits.

“Recently my wife (29 F[emale]) and I (32 M[ale]) bought a house.”

“I told her family that they are welcome if they want to visit, they just have to ask first, and because we have a newborn baby, I also told them that for now we will be hosting only short visits from the baby’s grandparents with no more than 3 people at the same time.”

“I’ve never been a social person.”

“I’ve never visited anyone before asking or being invited, and nobody has ever visited me without asking first.”

“Not even my parents.”

“I thought that was a common rule of basic education, but who knows, that’s why I’m asking if AITA.”

“As soon as the baby was born, they started coming without asking, staying from morning ’til evening and regularly making a mess in our kitchen.”

“I told them that we don’t need help, I work from home and my wife is on maternity leave, but they are welcome to visit.”

“On Sunday my wife’s parents, siblings and nieces showed up, we were asleep, and they called like 20 times, after that they started sending pics of our entrance saying they’re outside.”

“Finally they woke me up, I went out and told them we were asleep.”

“They wanted to go in but I assume they saw my face at the time and just left.”

“Yesterday my wife was not at home, I was changing the baby’s diaper and suddenly my father in law starts to video call me like crazy.”

“I finished baby duties and called him back.”

“He was angry AF and yelled me why wouldn’t I open the freaking door.”

“That was it.”

“I waited until my wife came back and talked to her father and mother.”

“I told them that they have to ask/call before coming.”

“My wife’s mom freaked out and told me that if she has to call, she’ll never come back.”

“My wife’s dad was like ‘dude I called you like 5 times’, so I told him what’s the fucking purpose of calling if he does it when he’s already outside.”

“It’s our home, our rules, our privacy.”

“So they got pretty mad, and that made my wife upset.”

“She agrees with me, everyone has to call before visiting.”

“We could be busy, or not at home, or not wanting to see anyone at the time, but her parents and siblings seemed so f*cking casual about it that I’m starting to doubt if AITA and everyone can show up to everyone’s place anytime.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community agreed that the OP was well within his rights to make his in-laws call before they paid a visit, and was not the a**hole for doing so.

Everyone agreed that showing up unannounced, even to visit one’s in-laws, was rude, and the OP had every right to run his house as he saw fit.


“‘It’s our home, our rules, our privacy’.”

“Nail hit squarely on the head.”- bureaucratic_drift


“I think it’s basic manners to call before you come.”

“It’s your house, they either respect your rules or don’t come.”- RoyallyOakie


“Since they are so disrespectful and can’t figure out how to call first.”

“I would make a new rule.”

“Her parents are not allowed to visit unless personally invited by you or your wife.”

“They are not welcome.”

“No more self invites regardless of calls.”

“They can come when they are invited.”- Bitter-Conflict-4089


“’If I have to call ahead I will never come back’.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, lady.”- IllustratorSlow1614


“Hold that boundary now or it will grow into a monster in the future.”- themissingsock311


“Oh my goodness your in-laws could be mine!”

“My MIL started doing the same shit, calling while she was in my driveway.”

“If people aren’t respectful of your boundaries you have every right to hold your ground.”

“Frankly they’re being rude and acting like children.”- Independent_Ad2219


“Of course they should arrange visits in advance.”

“But why are you leading the charge on this?”

“Clearly your wife’s relatives do not think she’s in agreement with you on this so they’re pressing forward.”

“She needs to fight her own corner here.”

“And don’t come back with the excuse that your wife is a new mom and she shouldn’t have to get involved here, whatever.”

“She’s not an invalid or mentally ill, she can handle telling her own family what’s what.”- RB1327


“Their behavior is not normal.”- Forward_Squirrel8879


“Turn the hose on them if they try showing up like this again.”- StrangePenguin7

“No way.”


“This is absolutely unacceptable behavior.”

“Who has ever told them this is ok?”

“You never show up to someones house uninvited expecting to go inside, unless you’ve explicitly been told that it’s ok.”

“And when they have a newborn is the exact WRONG time to do this.”

“The mother is probably exhausted and still recovering both physically and mentally from the pregnancy/birth and both parents have just got a lore more chores and much less sleep than they’re used to.”

“And if someone doesn’t pick up the phone or answer the door.”

“Go away.”

“They’re busy.”

“Try again later or wait for them to reach out to you.”

“This doesn’t even affect me personally and I’m finding myself getting annoyed by it.”

“TTA.”- HintOfMalice


“It’s incredibly disrespectful of them to disregard your right to privacy.”

“It honestly sounds like harassment to show up uninvited and yell at someone.”

“How would they feel if you showed up uninvited at their home?”- MedApplicantTears

“I love it when friends stop by when they are walking through my neighborhood.”

“But if I’m not ready for visitors or otherwise busy, I assume they’ll smile and walk away.”

“It’s never happened, but maybe my friends are mannerly enough to only stop by at reasonable hours.”

“The idea of dropping in, then yelling at you for not coming to the door when you’re changing a diaper is crazy.”

“Don’t even get me started on someone waking you up from a sound sleep first thing in the morning and expecting you to let them in!”

“NTA!”- MystifiedByPeople

“NTA and start going for it on the couch with your SO.”

“Once they walk into that a couple of times you are guaranteed to get compliance with your requests.”- Smoly-Feetlong


“All I can say is you are a calmer person than me.”

“I would have already lost it on them.”- Fattdog64

“NTA and please get a chain lock for your doors.”

“And put it in writing that no visits unless an invitation is issued to them.”

“They have no rights to visit whenever they want.”

“And none of this call before.”

“NO you are allowed to set the times they can visit.”- demonmonkey1313


“I grew up with family like this.”

“I’m grown with children of my own and my mother still makes passive aggressive comments about needing to call before coming over.”

“Stick to your guns .”- This_Hybrid_Moment


“My house is my refuge, my quiet place.”

“I don’t even let many people know where I live, other than a general area.”

“Everyone knows they are not invited unless I specifically ask them to come over.”

“I don’t remember the last time I had anyone here.”

“Having a giant breed dog that makes people nervous helps too.”

“Even my 16 year old feels this way.”- Prestigious_Dig_218


“I’ve tried to establish similar boundaries with parents but they just don’t get it.”

“I assume they think I just sit in my house all day, doing nothing and their presence is such a blessing in my life that I’m just waiting for them 24/7.”- PumpkinWrangler

One can of course understand the OP’s in-laws being eager to spend every waking moment with their new grandchild.

But that still doesn’t give them the right to show up unannounced to the OP’s, or anyone’s home.

Particularly if they always leave a mess in the kitchen after each visit.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.