For some reason people still believe they have a say over women’s reproductive organs.
You don’t.
It doesn’t matter if she’s your daughter, you have no say in whether she wants to have a child or not.
Redditor grilled-onion encountered this very issue with her parents. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my family that my disease is a blessing?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi, I (22F) have been diagnosed with hypogonadotropic hypogonadism last year, and it basically means that my pituitary gland isn’t producing the necessary female hormones. So as of now, I’ve never had menstruation and am infertile.”
“Now, this used to be devastating for me when I was a teenager.”
“I knew I wasn’t normal because every other girls have started their period when they were 13-15 and not me. I felt singled out and I didn’t know what was wrong with my body.”
“My family used to convince me that it was fine, some girls have it as late as in their 20s yada yada yada. So I just waited until my hopeful 20s without going to the doctor.”
OP got diagnosed two years ago.
“It was only 2 years ago that I started going to the doctor to determine this diagnosis. I was shocked at first and she said I was born with this. I am now doing hormone therapy just to help with my bones in the future.”
“2020 also made me realize that I never want to be a mother and I am not particularly fond of kids.”
“Now knowing that I’m infertile, I’ve started to appreciate my medical condition and think that this is actually a blessing in disguise. I wouldn’t have to worry about period and the struggles that come with it, and I wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally getting pregnant (doctor said I can get pregnant only with fertility treatments).”
OP’s family did not take it as well.
“I told my family about how this disease is a blessing because I don’t want to have children. Everyone called me selfish and ignorant.”
“My parents said I’m being mean and choosing to disable them from having grandchildren (I have 2 older brothers who are also not in a relationship and might not want children either). They told me to quickly get married and do IVF (they don’t support adoption either).”
“I’m confused now. Am I the asshole for this?”
“I have finally started accepting this medical condition and now they are just shoving me back to the ground. But I can see how I might be TA for just thinking about my feelings and not my family’s. But I also don’t want to have children I do not want, because every children deserves a loving family and a mother who wants them, and I’m afraid that’s not me.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“Repeat after me: this is not about your mother.”
“This is not about your mother.”
“This is not about your mother.”
“I want you to look her dead in the eye the next time she accuses you of ‘punishing’ her and say very clearly: This is not about you.”
“Your womb is not a family affair. It is only your business right now. If you ever happened to decide to partner up, then it would still be your business – but that one person in the whole world is the only person who gets a look in or a vote with what you do with your uterus.”
“Am I being emphatic enough? Your uterus, your future, your decision, your consequences. Not your mother’s business.”
“No, you are NTA. No, you’re not ‘being mean.'”
“I give you full permission to laugh in their faces if they ever dare to say that again. Tell them they’re ‘being mean’ by not having more children themselves to take the pressure off you, now that they’ve found out that all three of theirs don’t want to procreate. See how insane that sounds?” ~ diagnosedwolf
“Seriously! Are OP’s parents going to pay for the IVF and all the other expenses related to having a child?”
“IVF is exorbitantly expensive and doesn’t have a high success rate. OP, they may be upset now, but stand your ground. NTA, Your parents are not owed grandchildren.” ~ Anonymotron42
“No they won’t pay for anything.”
“Even to get this diagnosis, I had to go behind their backs to the doctor because they didn’t want me to get it checked on. They even blamed my ‘late’ menstruation (more like never) on my eating habits (I’m quite overweight, 71kg, 150cm), and said I caused myself to be infertile.” ~ grilled-onion
Most think her parents are the a**holes.
Your parents….grrr they are grade A AHs.
- Should’ve taken you to an endocrinologist years ago, instead called you a later bloomer and blamed eating. Wtf?! Are they doctors?
- Think your uterus is an incubator for tHeIr gRaNdbAbIEs, k owing you don’t even want kids but trying to guilt trip you into having them anyway?! And expecting you to pay the (maybe tens of) thousands of dollars for in vitro?!
- Are against adoption?! Like, who is “against adoption”? Wtf? As an adopted person, people like them are despicable. Adopted children aren’t good enough for AHs? Fine. Stay far away.
- I’m sure there’s more but I just wanted to get the list started for you. Best of luck to you and your endocrine system! I’m glad you and your doctor figured it out! ~ natidiscgirl
“Adding to your 3: it’s no way parent’s business if OP decides to adopt some time in the future. They can be against anything they want and OP still can do it as a normal adult would.” ~ Draigdwi
“I’m so, so sorry about your parents being like that. (I was pretty shocked they never took you to the doctor for the issue, I thought they might be trying to protect you from thinking you were weird, but apparently not since they blamed you!!)”
“Listen, my one piece of advice I want to really strongly give is, don’t share your inner thoughts with your parents anymore. I absolutely understand the impulse to do so, but it can only be done with trustworthy parents who will focus on your feelings when you’re sharing, and then go discuss their own feelings about the issue later in private, like a truly mature parent would do.”
“You shared a tender new feeling that was growing in you and they stomped on it. I’m so sorry. Hopefully this thread is helping you pick up the pieces. But going forward, now you know that they are liable to do this again, and you can take steps to protect those kinds of feelings from them.”
“There are people we can share our tender new feelings with, and there are people who are just damn well going to have to wait to hear till we’ve made our hard and fast final decisions. And people who are going to go on the attack and immediately say we’re wrong–like your parents have just proved themselves to be–go in the second category.”
“It may be hard to wean yourself off sharing vulnerably with them, but maybe there’s a trustworthy friend you can share with instead when you get the impulse to do it.”
“You may find people who think you should cut them off, I don’t know, but just want to say that’s not necessary unless things get much worse. Just build a firm private wall and protect your heart. And best of luck to you!” ~ Crooked-Bird-21
Your uterus, your choice.