Influencers are a unique creation of the digital age. Anyone could proclaim themselves one and might even achieve success.
But the lifestyle isn’t for everyone.
Being an influencer involves near constant exploitation of every moment in a person’s life. Phones always poised to capture every moment—which can be extremely annoying for the people around them.
A woman turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback after her influencer sister-in-law crossed a clearly defined boundary she’s set.
ClassicEarth7924 asked:
“AITA for putting my hand over my SIL’s camera at my own birthday dinner after I told her no filming?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (29, female) had a small birthday dinner last weekend with my husband (31, male), sister-in-law (SIL) ‘Lina’ (27, female), mother-in-law (MIL), and two friends at a normal but nice place.”
“Lina’s an ‘influencer’. She films literally everything—plates, forks, people breathing.”
“Three days before, I wrote in the family chat—please don’t film me. Food, room is fine, just not my face. She said ‘got u’.”
“We sit down and within like 10 minutes her phone is up. I say quietly, ‘please don’t point it at me’. She goes, ‘you look great, it’s just vibes’. My husband, her brother, backs me up, ‘she said no’. Lina rolls her eyes, lowers it… for maybe 2 minutes.”
“Then the cake comes (little sparkler, staff singing). Lina stands and points the camera right in my face like, ‘birthday girl reveal!’.”
“I put my hand over the lens and said, ‘stop’. I didn’t grab the phone or touch her, just covered the camera for a second. She snaps that I ‘ruined her shot’ and this is her job. MIL says to me to ‘let it go for one night’. I said that it’s my night, actually.”
“It got awkward fast. Server was right there, I felt embarassed. Husband tried to change the subject, but Lina kept muttering about how she had to scrap ‘everything’. I even paid for my own dessert (long story) and we left pretty quick.”
“Next morning Lina texts that I ‘humiliated’ her and made her look unprofessional in front of everyone. MIL says I should’ve moved seats if I didn’t want to be in frame. Husband says my boundary is fair, but maybe I ‘made a scene’ by doing it during the song when eyes were already on me.”
“She’s posted me before without asking and co-workers mentioned it. I’ve asked her to blur/remove and it turns into drama, which is why I set the boundary in writing before dinner.”
“Why I might be the a**hole: public place, I did physically block her shot, and yeah it was during the song. I could’ve stood up and turned away or something.”
“But also… I don’t wanna be online against my will, especially on my own birthday. I don’t know.”
“AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I put my hand over my SIL’s phone and blocked her from filming me during the cake song, even though we were in a public restaurant.”
“That might make me the a**hole because I did physically interfere with her recording (it’s her job), and I did it right in the big ‘everyone’s watching’ moment, which embarassed her and kinda made a scene.”
“I could’ve just turned away or asked to skip the sparkler instead of blocking the lens mid-song.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“SHE made herself look unprofessional in front of everyone by behaving unprofessionally in front of everyone. Honestly, I would not invite her to things you host going forward until she can respect the most simple of requests—’don’t film me’. NTA.” ~ kalequinoa
“Actual professionals obtain permission and consent when necessary.” ~ jr0061006
“Yup. She made herself look unprofessional by not only not obtaining consent, but repeatedly ignoring that consent had explicitly not been given.”
“And then she doubles down to say that the birthday girl, the person they were celebrating, the reason they were at a restaurant and having cake in the first place, should have gone out of her way to make sure the ‘influencer’ could get a good shot?”
“The influencer who had no reason to be there besides being indirectly related? Absolutely not.”
“I weep for her seven followers who now don’t have the joy of seeing an artsy shot of some other person’s birthday cake.” ~ nervelli
“It is super rude to claim that OP’s birthday dinner is Lina’s job. NTA.” ~ BlazingSunflowerland
“NTA. If she wants to look professional in public, she should act like a professional in public. A professional respects other people, their space, and their privacy.”
“A professional knows how to separate their job and their personal life when needed. A professional isn’t so desperate for content that she’ll railroad other peoples’ comfort and wishes.”
“Is she really 27 or is she 17?”
“You are not part of her job. She doesn’t get to commandeer you as a prop for her videos, and she doesn’t get to seize control over your own goddamn birthday event for it either.” ~ oliviamrow
“Turning another person’s birthday into your content against their wishes is nuts. She wasn’t there in a professional capacity to begin with, it wasn’t her job to film OP. NTA.” ~ Juilek
“If it’s really Lina’s job, she has to pay for the dinner & either pay the participants a modelling fee or share the revenue with them.” ~ Stormtomcat
“I freaking hate this influencer ‘culture’ and the entitled nature of people wanting to capture a moment. Her blaming you for her rude behavior is so incredibly pathetic.” ~ Adjovigin
“Your boundaries were fair, reasonable, articulated up front AND agreed to. SIL selfishly just has no self control and feels she’s the center of the universe.
“Since reasonable requests were ignored and clearly MIL and husband don’t have her back, OP is completely justified to now have no contact with SIL.”
“Now ball is in husband’s court for how he handles the fall out.”
“Even if SIL apologizes and promises to behave in the future, she has just now established she has no self control, can’t be trusted, and will always feel entitled to disrespect OP’s privacy.” ~ Foolish-Pleasure99
“Her JOB? Every idiot with a phone thinks they are an influencer. She does not have the right to use people without their permission as content.”
“Your husband was wrong. You didn’t make a scene. She did with her disrespect. You held your boundary and now she’s butt hurt.”Â
“Frankly I would not share the same space with her. Seriously, I would not attend any event that she was a parent at, and she would not be invited to any event hosted by me or for me.”
“I would also report any post that showed my face every single time. I would also comment on her posts calling her out.”
“Your husband owes you an apology. So do your MIL and SIL for making your birthday about her. NTA.” ~ Ok_Tonight_3703
“Apparently, the husband considers it less rude to turn your back on the people who are singing Happy Birthday than it is to put your hand in front of her phone when she agreed in advance to not take your photo and after being told no that very day.”
“OP, if she continues trying to post content with you in it, I’d talk to a lawyer and have them draw up a document. Maybe a Cease and Desist.”
“Maybe something that gives your fee per image posted online. Make it a very high fee, something like $1000 per image posted. If she uses your image she is agreeing to pay you your modeling fee.” ~ BlazingSunflowerland
“This is the thing people don’t understand about boundaries: if you push them, you’re gonna get pushed back. This was the pushback.”
“What’s the point of having a hard boundary if you’re not gonna defend it? The dummy sister decided to get pushed back in public—that’s on her.” ~ hagatha_curstie
“The comment about moving seats is so out of line, I can’t believe MIL could think that’s a reasonable thing to ask of OP. Both MIL and SIL owe OP an apology. Husband, too, for not having her back.” ~ trash_fancy
“NTA. Stop inviting her. And tell everybody that if she disrespects your boundary about being filmed, you will stop coming to anything she’s at.”
“And in the future, when she films you without permission and posts it, report her. Get it taken down. Get her account closed.” ~ k23_k23
“NTA. Influencers are f*cking insufferable. I look forward to their ‘job’ going the way of the dodo.” ~ Dragonshatetacos
“Lina and her mother no longer get invites. If she truly is making money off of this, then she should be paying you for helping her make content, but I suspect she really isn’t. NTA.” ~ Disastrous-Assist-90
“These people are the most ignorant, rude and disrespectful cretins to grace our current era.”
“I am so over seeing wannabe influencers blocking up tourist spots for everyone else. Turning restaurants into their own mini reality sets. You name it, they are there ruining the ‘vibes’ for everyone else.”
“Your SIL is delusional and needs to get a real job.” ~ ImaginationRound184
“NTA. I get she’s an influencer, but there are lines. If you said no to a man and he forced you anyway, it’s assault. She assaulted you.” ~ Brose101
“Ignoring consent is unprofessional. She made herself look unprofessional, she behaved like an amateur.” ~ LittleMissBraStrap
“NTA. Tell her you don’t care if you’re the villain in her story because she’s the clown in yours.” ~ MohawMais
Consent isn’t just for sex. When someone says no to having something done with them or to them, their wishes need to be respected.
No means no.