When you come out to your family, it’s easy to expect the worst. But if they can accept and support you, things become a lot easier.
Redditor Okaythrowaway0 thought things were going fine with her family. That is until the original poster (OP) found out her sister didn’t want to invite OP’s girlfriend to her wedding.
OP doesn’t think this is right, despite explanations from her sister, and has chosen not to attend the nuptials. This has caused a lot of fights.
To figure out if she is wrong, OP decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” subReddit about the situation.
And it’s a confusing one for OP.
“AITA for telling my sister I won’t go to her wedding?”
Is she standing her ground, or overreacting?
“So my (20f[emale]) sister (24) is getting married in a few months to ‘Kyle” (25m[ale]). When she told me I was ecstatic for her. She’s really in love.”
“For background, my sister and I have always been *relatively* close. Except for a bit after I came out as lesbian at 16.”
“None of my family supported me at first, including my sister (her asking me frequently if I was ‘still gay’) which sucked, but things change and I thought the issue was behind us.”
“When the wedding invites arrived, I noticed I did not get a plus one for my partner, ‘Hannah’. If it was a small wedding, I would have understood. But it’s not.”
“She gave all my cousins and her friends plus ones and I am a bridesmaid, so I felt I should get one as well.”
“It’s important to add that my partner and I are serious as well. We have been dating for 2 years and we’re moving in together soon.”
“My sister has always been kind and welcoming to my partner too, so I didn’t understand.”
“When I brought this up to my sister, she said she only wanted people who were going to be in her life for the long haul to be at the wedding. I asked her if she thought Hannah and I were serious. She said no.”
“I asked her if she thought my cousin’s (f) boyfriend (they’ve been dating for 4 months) would be in her life forever. She said you never know.”
“I then got very angry because it was clear to me what was happening. I told her that she hasn’t changed one bit and if Hannah isn’t welcome at the wedding, then I am not going either.”
“I caused a massive blowup. I’m getting messages from my family and Kyle’s family saying that I’m ruining the wedding and that my sister has the right to decide who goes to her wedding.”
“I am now second guessing my decision because I’m not sure if I did the right thing. I don’t know if I should have caused so much drama before the wedding and I’m kind of panicking that my whole family is going to hate me now.”
“Hannah says she appreciates what I’m doing, but I should just go without her. AITA?”
OP is insistent that her girlfriend gets an invitation too. And it makes sense. They’re serious and long term, and going to be in OP’s sisters life for a while.
On the other hand, it is the sister’s wedding and she gets to choose who attends, right?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for refusing to go to her sister’s wedding by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
It was perfectly clear why OP’s sister didn’t want to invite Hannah. While she’s been nice to OP about her sexual orientation recently, OP’s sister doesn’t seem to respect their relationship.
While her sister has the right to invite who she wants, OP also has the right to not attend. Standing by her partner is important for her relationship.
If her sister wants OP there, she knows what she has to do.
“‘…my sister has the right to decide who goes to her wedding.’”
“That’s true, she does have the right to decide who to invite, you however have the right to stay at home with your girlfriend watching bunnies on YouTube during her wedding if that’s what you’d rather do.” – Misenica
“Your sister is homophobic and bad at hiding it.”
“If she can’t accept your sexuality and partner then she doesn’t get your presence at her wedding. Simple.”
“If you do go, you’re setting a precedent that you’re ok with being treated like this.” – smelly-roommate
“Agreed: NTA. If your sister was making a rule that plus-one’s were limited to spouses (maybe fiance/fiancee also), then excluding Hannah would be understandable.”
“You said that your cousin’s bf of 4 months was invited however, so clearly it is homophobic behavior, since the major difference is gender.”
“At that point it’s a question of what is more important to you, personally: self-respect and acceptance of who you are…. or showing up alone for the sake of appearances and family harmony.”
“I would look at the flip side of the question also: if you and Hannah got married next week, would you want your sister to show up… and would she?” – bookwyrm229
“NTA. And if you and Hannah get married, consider this: are they going to continue to exclude her from family events? If so, the issue will become bigger and more obvious.”
“At some point, you will be forced to make a decision: your family vs your long-term partner. I would suggest that you begin as you mean to go on.” – Rocket_scientists
“NTA. Two things can be true at the same time. Your sister does have the right to invite whomever she wants to her wedding just as you have the right not to attend an wedding where your girlfriend is being discriminated against.”
“At some point OP you are going to have to decided if you want to continue having a relationship with your family. It doesn’t seem as if they have truly accepted you.”
“It seems more like they tolerant you and your girlfriend. Do you really want to be around people who only tolerate you.” – Suchj-Awareness-2960
The ongoing issue between OP and her homophobic family is beyond just a wedding invitation. It gets down to whether or not they respect her relationship at all.
It seems clear that despite their claims, OP’s family is really homophobic.
“NTA, but you will be one if you go to the wedding. Your family has zero respect for your girlfriend, your relationship, and ultimately, you.”
“If they did respect and genuinely care for you, they wouldn’t treat you like this. Why should you have to show compassion for people who won’t do the same for you?”
“They’re alienating Hannah who has done nothing wrong and I can’t imagine how badly that’s hurting her deep down.”
“Do you want to give your family the satisfaction of slighting Hannah? Or do you love her enough to stand up for her?”
“You’re doing the right thing by standing up against homophobes and siding with your girlfriend. Don’t back peddle now and attend the wedding for the sake of peace.”
“All you’ll accomplish if you go is showing your homophobic family that their actions are okay, and then they’ll REALLY never accept you or Hannah.” – RissaRay113
“Like bro 🤦🏻♀️ you’re letting someone who’s been around FOUR MONTHS to go but not someone TWO YEARS” – FromTheBack6996
“Yup but they’re totally not just homophobic or anything. /s”
“It’s been two years and they don’t view Hannah as a serious partner. That means they NEVER will. Personally, I would go LC or NC instead of subjecting my partner to their gross behavior.” – RissaRay113
“NTA Personally I would blow this thing right up and make it public knowledge exactly what has happened. It is a hill I would be definitely willing to let the relationship with my sister die on. She is homophobic and acting prejudicially against you.”
“She deserves to be thrown well and truly under the bus and live with tje consequences of those actions. And you don’t have to put up witj dealinv with her nonsense.”
“You sister, and your family, are arseholes. I am sorry you have to deal with them.” – StrongBlueberry5432
OP came back and updated us on the situation. She thanked people for their comments and assured that she made the decision that was right for her.
And we couldn’t be more proud.
“Hi all. I want to thank you for your responses and kind words.”
“After talking it over with Hannah and doing a lot of thinking, I have decided not to backtrack on my decision and I have decided to cut contact with the majority of my family. But really, your responses have helped me to think clearly and thank you so much.”
When dealing with a homophobic family, everyone needs to make their own decisions.
OP found the way to deal with it that’s right for her, and hopefully things work out for her in the end.