It’s important to be there for your family when they find themselves needing help.
But being there for them when they ignore or take advantage of your generosity can make helping them difficult, if not impossible.
Redditor throwaway350965 found himself in such a situation, when his nieces returned his generosity by being cruel to his wife.
After wondering if he overreacted to their behavior, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for evicting my sister and her daughters after they hid my wife’s wig and embarrassed her?”
The OP first shared the difficult and scary situation his wife is going through, with one particular element making her particularly insecure.
“First off, I want to start by mentioning that my wife is a cancer patient.”
“She unfortunately started losing her hair due to chemo therapy and she’s been incredibly insecure about it, her lack of hair in particular.”
“She got a wig and started wearing it.”
“I don’t mind it, I 100% support her since she only wears it around family and friends.”
Not helping matters, the OP’s sister also found herself in a difficult situation, and the OP made his best effort to help her out.
“My sister lost her apartment after a messy divorce and moved in with her twin daughters (16) almost a month ago.”
While the OP’s help to his sister and nieces seemed to be appreciated, his nieces found themselves unable to ignore the very thing which made his wife feel so insecure.
“Things been going well except my nieces’ constant remarks about my wife’s wig.”
“They got so hung up on it and kept asking lots of questions about it.”
“They asked to take turns to try it on, suggested they ‘straighten’ it with the straightener and so on which was exhausting.”
“They even pressured to see her without it but my wife was uncomfortable and refused.”
What was initially a frustrating situation for the OP soon escalated to an almost dangerous situation for his wife, resulting in the OP feeling the need to take fairly drastic actions.
“Yesterday I got home and found that my wife was locking herself in the bedroom and crying.”
“I asked what happened, she told me she woke up and didn’t find her wig, then discovered my nieces took it and hid it then urged her to come out so they could see her without it.”
“My wife repeatedly asked them to give it back but they started laughing and recording.”
“My wife had to lock the door to keep a distance cause they didn’t stop.”
“I was fuming I went into the kitchen and confronted them.”
“They acted confused but I was able to get the wig back.”
“I lashed out telling them they humiliated my wife and embarrassed her by taking away her wig.”
“They said it was just a lighthearted prank which made me go off on them.”
“My sister got involved and said my wife was just being too sensitive and the girls were just curious to see her without a wig but she overreacted.”
“I told her her daughters were recording her!”
“She saw nothing wrong in it and said I overreacted as well.”
“I lost it on her too and told her she and my nieces are no longer welcome to stay at my home and they needed to leave.”
“I later let them know about the eviction since they thought I wasn’t serious and they started crying begging that I let it go.”
“But my wife is no longer comfortable around them after what they did.”
“My sister called our elderly dad and he begged that I let them stay and insisted my nieces were just acting like typical teenagers.”
“He offered to speak to my wife but I declined.”
“They’ve been begging that I change my mind but I kept refusing.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Reddit stood firmly behind the OP, unanimously agreeing he was in no way the a**hole for evicting his sister and nieces.
Everyone was in agreement the OP’s nieces were old enough to know better and what they did to his wife was bullying.
“NTA They’re 16, old enough to know better and to understand that actions have consequences.”
“They disrespected your wife, who is ill and feeling bad about herself and it’s too bad they pestered, harassed and humiliated her to the point they lost a place to stay.”- Aunty_Fascist.
“NTA – I can’t even imagine that feeling you had when you learned what was going on.”-ScooterProfessor.
“My kids were teenagers once and would NEVER have done such a cruel and insensitive thing.”
“Good for you for doing what you did.”
“Best wishes for your wife’s health.”- thestreetiliveon
“That kind of ‘lighthearted prank’ is f*cked up.”
“Good on you for kicking them out!”
“Maybe some time on their own will teach them about respecting people.”-YouGottaBeStronger.
“I think you would have been TA if you had not evicted them.”
“This was cruel, done on purpose, and not at all OK.”
“They need to be out.”
“Your poor wife!”
“I am so happy she has you on her side to protect her.”
“There was no other answer.”
“They are no longer welcome.”
“Do not let these people stay under any circumstances.”
“Tomorrow is actually the second year anniversary since my sister passed from cancer.”
“So reading this has me in a state if emotion I can’t explain (sorta crippling sadness and blind rage).”
“You stand by your decision.”
“Your nieces were way past the point of a prank.”
“I’m so sorry that your wife and you have to deal with this.”
“It is horrible, and I hope and pray she gets better.”-RCalkins11.
“You did the right thing.”
“Good job standing up for you wife, I’m sure she’s grateful.”-exmospy19
“Absolutely NTA! “
“Your poor wife is going through hell and they’re putting her through more stress?”
“She doesn’t need to be around that kind of bullshit while she’s in treatment.”- nerdKween.
Many were particularly horrified the OP’s nieces went so far as to record his wife when she was crying and humiliated.
“A lighthearted prank is NOT recording someone while they are crying because you are trying to shame that person.”
“Those girls are absolutely being bullies and your wife deserves to feel save in her own home.”
“Absolutely NTA and furthermore, why were they recording?”
“The only point of that was to post the video for others to see, so they also intended to publicly embarrass her.”-Low-Assistance9231.
“Do NOT let them stay with you.”
“What they did was close to evil.”
“A cancer patient that is also insecure about her hair loss?”
“They know this!!”
“A woman who has welcomed them into her home when they were in need.”
“They been pushing her and pushing her before they even bullied her by taking her wig and hiding it.”
“They wanted to record her reaction.”
“I know at 16 they are still kids, but most know at that age what bullying is.”
“The mom is as bad as they kids.”
“Making excuses. etc.”
“I’d go full NO CONTACT with them if they treated my partner like that.”
“And if my dad pushes, I’d go LOW contact with him.”- goofysmurf76
“You know what NTA.”
“Yes teenagers can be silly at that age.”
“But they are 16, old enough to know when to respect someone’s boundaries, you should have only had to tell them once that this is a sensitive issue with your wife and she isn’t comfortable showing people herself without her wig, and she may not ever be.”
“They sound like little brats, at 16 years old if someone had let me and my mum move into their house to help us, and their wife had cancer I would absolutely respect that and anything that went along with it, they are not 4 years old.”
“And to be laughing and filming it?”
“That’s not right, and you should definitely stand your ground with this.”
“It’s not going to be comfortable if you let them stay now anyway.”
“They are not people you should have in your house, hopefully those girls grow up and out of that behavior.”-Zestyclose_Fun_4951
Others felt if the OP’s father believed his nieces didn’t do anything wrong, he should take them in and see for himself.
“I guarantee you a 16 year old knows not to upset a woman with cancer to the point of tears and laugh and record her while they torment her.”
“They sound literally evil.”
“If your father is so worried, tell him to take them in.”
“I’m sure he’ll think it’s typical teen things when they hide his walker and laugh and record him while he falls.”-GoingPriceForHome.
“For f*ck’s sake they were recording- they were actively trying to humiliate your cancer stricken wife.”
“You better evict them.:
“Your poor wife.”
“Don’t let your dad even approach your wife over the phone.”
“Seriously don’t- he’ll try to convince her she’s wrong and not those horrid brats.”- AleshiniaLivesStill.
“They f*cked around and found out.”
“All the usual things.”
“A prank isn’t something that causes someone pain.”
“They absolutely meant to humiliate and embarrass your wife and are cruel, spiteful people (all three of them).”
“Your sister is an enabler.”
“If your father is so upset, her should have them live with him.”
“But, most of all, your wife shouldn’t have to live with people who are intentionally cruel to her.”
“You’re a good man for standing-up for her.”-prove____it.
“NTA and let your elderly dad take them in.”- illumantimess.
It is fairly shocking the OP’s sister and nieces could think to behave in such a way after he opened his home to them.
Maybe some time away will allow them to reflect and endeavor to earn back the OP’s trust and his wife’s forgiveness.