If you had trauma and were afraid of something you would expect your partner to support you right? Well, for one couple the strain of a partner’s fear of driving caused serious conflict.
Trying to see if they were overly harsh in how they established boundaries led Redditor ywisjoe to turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgement on the situation.
“AITA for refusing to drive my GF around after she lost her license?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained the conflict with his girlfriend over driving.
“I’m 22m and my GF is 21. We have been together for 5 years.”
“I got into a terrible car accident when I was 14 and was in the hospital for 3 weeks and 5 days recovering. I have been terrified of driving ever since.”
”To a point where I get behind the wheel and immediately get tunnel vision and everything goes blurry. So when my GF got her license at 16, she tried forcing me to go in and get mine but I just wasn’t ready. This was the very beginning of our relationship.”
“She has continued to harp on me over the years to get my license despite the fact that I don’t technically even need it.”
”The home I am renting is literally right next door to my work. The grocery store is literally right across the street. Hospital is only a mile away.”
”I can quite literally walk everywhere and I have been doing so since I moved here at age 20. I enjoy this.”
“But she still harped on me, which caused numerous fights.”
“Back 3 months ago I went to a buddies house and while there, we ended up having a few drinks. My GF was mad because she made plans for us without me knowing and picked a fight. She ends up going home and drinking (I didn’t know this).”
”Later I told her my buddy was drinking so he couldn’t drive me home and that I was just going to stay the night. She insisted on coming to get me; again, I had no knowledge that she was drinking.”
“She got pulled over and got a DUI and lost her license for a year.”
”She gave me an ultimatum. Either get my license or shes gone because it was ‘my fault’ that she lost her license (I realize it’s not but she tries blaming me).”
“Didn’t want her to leave so I sucked up my fear and got it. Now she wants me to drive her everywhere.”
”Saying it’s ‘so nice’ that she doesn’t have to drive herself around anymore. I told her that’s not how it works and I will not be driving her everywhere because as it stands now, I’m still terrified of getting behind the wheel and everything is walking distance.”
”I told her to go walk like I had been for the past 2 years (and continue doing despite having my license).”
“She’s pissed and telling everyone that I’m a man child who refuses to dote to his woman.”
Redditors were asked what they thought by deciding:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors reached a consensus declaring the OP was NTA.
“NTA. Dude, she sounds horrendous. You should leave her.” ~ MinuteKaleidoscope34
“Yeah, she is trying to use you as a personal cab driver and blames you for her negligence of DUI. I think you should step up and leave her for your best interest.” ~ SuspiciousMinute1565
“Dude no offense but you were in a terrible car accident that very understandably traumatized you for life and not only does your gf not respect your trauma she literally got behind the wheel of a car after DRINKING which could have resulted in her doing to someone else exactly what happened to you or worse.”
“Why would you ever want to be with someone who sees how you have been affected by your car accident and is then willing to risk doing the same to another person for absolutely no reason whatsoever??” ~ shapiro18
“NTA. Absolutely not the ah.”
”1) she was pressuring you even though you had trauma, it’s incredibly insensitive.”
“2) she drank AND took the wheel right after, what if she got involved in an accident?
“3) she treat you like her personal Uber, knowing that you’re still not comfortable driving, and argue with you when you don’t want to.”
“She’s mean and manipulative. You make great effort trying to deal with her, and you should be incredibly proud to pass your driving license with all this pressure, but enough is enough.”
”You did it because you wanted her to stay, but try to ask yourself what you really think of a relationship where your gf doesn’t care about your feelings and what you want.”
“She wants to be taken care of? And who takes care of you?”~Lil_Floofy
”YOU DO NOT NEED TO RE-TRAUMATISE YOURSELF BECAUSE A SELFISH PERSON CHOSE TO DRUNK-DRIVE.”
“She is SOOOO lucky she ran into the police before she ran over a human being. She is so lucky her punishment is a year of inconvenience rather than an entire life of guilt.”
“Drunk-driving is DISGUSTING and as someone dating an accident survivor, she should know how dangerous vehicles can be (even if your accident wasn’t related to drunk-driving at all).”
“Also if you live in a place where everything is nearby, why does she need a personal (traumatised) chauffeur? She is putting her convenience above your trauma and it’s horrible.”
“I’m so sorry you even have to ask this, but no, you’re NTA for not wanting to go along with that. She is awful.”~AholeFan
“NTA of course you’re not. And well done for setting your boundaries with her. And for facing your fears and driving again.”
“This relationship really does not sound like a healthy one. I don’t wanna do the Reddit thing of ‘red flag! leave her!’ but maybe you both need to have a really good talk about your relationship and your future.”~KaliTheBlaze
“NTA – Your gf is acting like a child. It’s her fault she lost her license and she should be happier that not something worse happened! She could have killed you both!!!!”
“Talk to her about her reckless behavior and that she needs to accept the consequences of her actions! I would also reconsider the relationship. Do you want to be with someone so childish and irresponsible?”~Jelly-Bean00
This relationship is driving towards an uncomfortable discussion. We hope for everyone’s safety OP’s girlfriend learned her lesson on drinking and driving.