If anyone gets more excited about the arrival of a baby than the soon-to-be parents, it’s the soon-to-be grandparents.
Not only is the arrival of their first grandchild a significant milestone in their lives, but they can experience all the joys of welcoming a child into the world without all the stress and anxiety that comes with being a new parent.
Of course, many grandparents try to be as helpful and present as they can to their children when their first grandchild arrives.
While others might insert themselves into the lives of the new parents a bit more than they would have liked.
The mother-in-law (MIL) of Redditor Routine_Exit_4306 made her pregnancy a bit more difficult than it needed to be.
Particularly owing to one factor of her soon-to-be grandchild’s life that the original poster (OP) and her husband were withholding until their child arrived.
Unfortunately, the OP’s MIL made no effort to hide her displeasure with this decision.
Resulting in the OP giving her MIIL an ultimatum of sorts.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my mother in law if she keeps asking about our babies name she won’t see her for an additional week every time she’s asks?”
The OP explained why she felt it necessary to limit her MIL’s time with her soon-to-be-born grandchild:
“I, 21 F[emale] am currently 39 weeks pregnant, due next Thursday.”
“Over the course of my pregnancy, I have had several issues with my MIL, the two biggest being her wanting to be in the delivery room when I give birth even though I have made it clear since the beginning the only person I want there is my husband.”
“It got to the point where I decided I didn’t want any visitors at the hospital, not even my parents, because she threw a fit about them coming after the baby was born.”
“However, the biggest issue has been her wanting to know the baby’s name.”
“The Baby is going to be named after my grandfather, whom I have been extremely close to my entire life. Because of this, we decided to keep it a secret so it could be a surprise to him once she is born.”
“My MIL even went as far as snooping through my hospital bag to try and find either the sweater or the welcome-to-the-world sign that has her name on it. Luckily, I caught her before she found them.”
“Yesterday she called my husband again, asking why she can’t know the name, even going as far saying, ‘what if something happens to me and I never get to know my baby’s name?’”
“For reference, she is in good health and does not work a dangerous job.”
“After my husband informed me of this conversation, I called my MIL and told her as of now she will not meet the baby for at least 3 weeks after she is born, and each time she asks about the name after this point will be an additional week she will not meet her.”
“She says I am being cruel and denying her ‘her baby’.”
“This is my MIL’s fourth grandchild.”
“However, they do not see the other three but maybe three or four times a year.”
“I am not sure why.”
“My BIL and SIL live about four hours away and do not allow the kids to come down here.”
“Second, my husband does support my decision.”
“However, he struggles a lot with setting boundaries with his family; he was raised with the ‘they are blood, so their actions are ok’ mentality.”
“This is something we are working on.”
“And yes, his family, not just his parents, take full advantage of him.”
“He is a teddy bear, and this is not the first time since we have been together that a family member has run right over him.”
“He did end up cutting the other family member off, but I don’t see him doing that to his mother.”
“So AITAH for telling my MIL if she continues to ask about my babies name, I will not allow her to meet the baby for another week?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for telling her MIL that if she kept asking about the name, it would cost her time with her grandchild.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s MIL was overbearing and concerning, particularly her calling her grandchild “my baby”, leading some to wonder if she should be seeing this baby at all:
“NTA.”
“If she complains again about being kept from ‘her baby, ‘ I’d suggest replying, ‘What are you talking about? I’m not keeping you from <husband’s name> at all!'”- EmmetyBenton
“NTA.”
“It’s not her baby, she has no rights to your child, and her behavior is so entitled I think enforcing boundaries now is the best thing you can do.”
“Stay strong and hope she learns something about not throwing tantrums and looking through people’s things from this.”
“Otherwise, you’re in for a rough twenty years.”- dryadduinath
“NTA.”
“You need to speak with your OB about this as well as inform the L&D team at your hospital.”
“They can, and will, protect you and your privacy while you are in their care.”
“If you tell them no visitors and that your MIL is being invasive and overbearing, even if your husband tries to bring her in, they will keep her out.”
“Also, nothing you do will keep the peace.”
“So if you want your parents to visit you in the hospital, then do that.”
“You’re getting harassed by MiL anyway.”
“Might as well have your family by your side.”- Phantasmal
“NTA!”
“MIL is calling the baby ‘her baby’.”
“If you don’t establish and enforce boundaries NOW, this is going to be an ongoing nightmare battle.”
“She has already tried pestering, manipulation, snooping, and guilt.”
“She’s so far out of line, the line is basically a dot at this point.”
“Credit to Joey T for that line.”- gypsymilf
“NTA.”
“You are very good with boundaries, actually!”
“People who can’t respect boundaries will always tell you that you are cruel for setting boundaries and this is exactly what she is doing.”
“Some comments stated that she is just being annoying, no she isn’t just being annoying she is a person who doesn’t have any respect for other people’s boundaries and thinks that the world revolves around her.”
“Best of luck to you because she is going to continue being a nightmare probably.”-
daydreamer19861986
“NTA.”
“It’s important to set boundaries now because it will get worse.”
“Especially since she thinks it’s her baby.”
“It will absolutely turn into her ignoring your parenting and doing whatever she wants when she wants with YOUR child.”
“Trust me.”
“I know.”
“But don’t let her change your plans.”
“If you want your parents at the hospital for support, then they should be there.”
“It’s not fair that her actions are preventing you from fully enjoying the experience you want.”
“Her actions have consequences for her.”
“Not anyone else, and she needs to understand that.”
“Keep standing up for yourself and your baby.”
“Either she’ll eventually back down, or she’ll force you to cut her off completely.”
“Either way, it’s her fault, not yours.”
“Good luck and hopefully you have a smooth labor and delivery!”- scrolllurk
The OP later returned with an update, sharing how she and her husband finally decided to handle this matter:
“After waking up this morning and reading all your comments, I sat down with my husband and showed him this post. After he read all the comments, something clicked in his head, and he agreed this behavior is not ok and apologized for not being firmer with his mother.”
“We have decided we will not be telling anyone when I go into labor except for a trusted friend who will be taking care of our dogs and horses and will inform my L/D team no one is to come in under any circumstances.”
“He also sent his mom the following message:”
“Mom, after our conversation yesterday, your behavior has gotten out of hand.”
“While I understand you are excited to meet OUR baby your actions have shown we cannot trust you around her.”
“Until we receive an apology and see your actions have changed, you will not be meeting her.”
“And from this point on, wifey will not be communicating with you.”
“If you have anything else to say, you will say it to me and me only.”
“I am very proud of him for standing up for his family.”
“We will see how things progress but at this point I am checking out and focusing on myself and baby.”
“Thanks, everyone, for the support and advice.”
The OP’s MIL likely isn’t alone in being curious as to what the name of her new grandchild will be.
What is cause for concern is that she feels entitled to know before everyone else.
Based on her behavior, one also guesses that she won’t hide her opinions about the name either.
The choice is hers, and if she wants to be part of her grandchild’s life, she must learn to control her emotions.