Parenting is one of those roles where you don’t know exactly how you will parent until you get there, and of course, your parenting style will differ from others’ from time to time.
But some differences of opinion could start off small and lead to major, if not dangerous, issues later on, pointed out the people in the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Blushining Babe was a new mother who had chosen to breastfeed her baby exclusively, and she had to dodge constant critiques from her mother-in-law, who stated that bottle-feeding would be better so that the baby wouldn’t be so clingy.
When her mother-in-law decided to “prove a point” by bottle-feeding her grandbaby behind their mother’s back, the Original Poster (OP) immediately kicked her mother-in-law out and banned her from seeing her grandchild in the future.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to let my mother-in-law be alone with my baby after what she did?”
The OP had been having issues with her mother-in-law (MIL) since her baby was born.
“My husband, Kyle (34 Male), and I (31 Female) just had our first baby three months ago.”
“Since our son was born, my mother-in-law, Tremaine, been overbearing, constantly giving unsolicited advice, and making passive-aggressive comments about how I parent.”
“One of the biggest points of contention has been feeding. I’m exclusively breastfeeding, but Tremaine insists that formula is ‘better’ because ‘breastfed babies are too clingy.'”
“I’ve told her multiple times that this is our choice, and Kyle has backed me up.”
Then Tremaine decided to take matters into her own hands.
“Last weekend, my lovely Tremaine came over to ‘help’ while Kyle was out running errands.”
“I went to take a quick shower, leaving her with the baby in his crib.”
“When I came back, I saw her holding a bottle and feeding my baby formula. I was in shock.”
“She saw me and immediately said, ‘See? He’s drinking so well! This is why I told you formula is best!'”
“I completely lost it. I took my baby from her arms and told her to leave immediately.”
“She started screaming, saying she was just trying to help and that I was being ungrateful.”
The family was split over Tremaine’s actions and the OP’s reaction to them.
“When Kyle came home, he was furious at his mom but said I might have overreacted by kicking her out so abruptly.”
“Since then, Tremaine has been playing the victim to the whole family, saying I ‘humiliated her’ and that I’m keeping her from her grandson.”
“Some family members are saying I should apologize and let her see the baby again, but I don’t trust her anymore.”
“Now I’m just ignoring her at my husband’s request so I don’t completely turn half the family against me, but I’m definitely not going to let her stay with the baby anymore.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that Tremaine had broken her trust in a potentially dangerous way.
“NTA. Do not leave the baby alone with her. Let her know that she crossed a line and, therefore her privileges of being alone with the baby are revoked. Until she can respect your parenting choices, she doesn’t get to be alone with him.” – CptKUSSCryAllTheTime
“She had no business feeding the child something the parents do not approve of. You just don’t do that.”
“She was deliberate in her actions. She went and purchased formula and bottles and snuck one in and as soon as your back was turned, fed the child. This wasn’t an ‘oopsie’; this was calculated.”
“What if your child developed food allergies down the road… Is grandma going to feed the child the allergen because she knows best? Nope.”
“NTA.”
“She needs a long time out until she can apologize and take responsibility for her actions. Even then, proceed with caution.” – Scorp128
“Sounds like Tremaine needs a lesson in boundaries and respect for your parenting choices. Don’t let her guilt trip you, mama bear. You are not the a**hole for protecting your baby and establishing boundaries.” – BeautifulScratches
“She wants the baby to be bottle-fed so she can do overnights with him. It was a power move to wean you away from your son.”
“Tell her, ‘You have completely destroyed my trust. I can’t trust you not to give my son whiskey to make him sleep, give him sugar water, and whatever old fashioned s**t you believe.'”
“And you’re NTA, of course, OP. Protect that baby.” – DeviceMotor3938
“That woman messed with someone’s food, which is inexcusable in all situations and punishable by law in some situations. An allergic reaction is worst-case scenario of what could have happened.”
“But what’s also very likely is that skipping a feed can really throw off the feeding dynamic between mom and baby, causing a lot of stress for no reason. Had OP not walked in, at the next feed, the baby wouldn’t have been hungry. Either he’s going to refuse to feed or he will overeat.”
“Refusing to eat can be tough because you hope they eat when you offer them again in like 30 minutes. As a result, mom doesn’t pump and could get a clogged duct or even mastitis.”
“Before 16 weeks, supply hasn’t regulated yet and this could mess up supply for a few days. During that time, it would be stressful wondering why the baby is not hungry when they should be. Are they sick?”
“Most breastfeeding mothers will pump right before, during, or after a bottle feed. If he overeats, he could throw up or spit up and become miserable from feeling so full, and the mother will have no idea why her child is so cranky. Messing with any infant’s feeds is an a**hole thing to do because it messes up the rhythm set up between mother and baby.” – elefantstampede
Others also aggressively disagreed with Tremaine’s beliefs about breastfeeding.Â
“F**k that noise about being too clingy. Even if OP’s baby is clingy, they’re still a BABY! They’re dependent on their parents! Not to mention, when they grow older, you want to hug them and make them feel loved. When they’re teenagers or adults, you want them to still trust you and be around you.”
“They’ll learn to be independent soon enough, but having a child who wants to be with you, especially when they don’t have to, is worth more than anything.”
“And this is apart from the fact that most of this is character, regardless of the medium you feed them with. You get clingy babies who are bottle-fed and independent babies who are breastfed.” – EatThisShirt
“As someone who works with babies, you know how important it is to stick to the plan, especially when it comes to feeding. Introducing formula without your consent could have caused a bad reaction, and it’s super lucky that nothing serious happened.”
“It’s not just disrespectful; it could’ve been dangerous. She really crossed a line!” – ahnaofficial
“She sounds like someone who would feed your child something they’re allergic to just to prove they aren’t ‘really allergic’ and these ‘magical herbs will heal them.’ I’d never be able to trust her again.” – PsychologyAutomatic3
“There’s no such thing as a ‘clingy’ baby. All babies want is to be fed, warm, dry, and held by someone who loves them.”
“That b***h would put your baby on formula on a strict feeding schedule and let them cry themselves to sleep because they’re hungry or cold and rationalize it by saying the baby is spoiled and just wants attention. A three-month-old baby, for f**k’s sake. Get the f**k outta my house, lady.” – Emotional-Hair-1107
“You had every right to kick her out. What she did crossed the line in just such an unacceptable way.”
“If your MIL doesn’t correct the record herself, you have every right to do so if people contact you directly. I mean, she planned this out, brought the formula, and waited for the opportunity to do this, and may have potentially put your baby in harm’s way. Just awful.”
“Also, her son should tell her, ‘For every person that reaches out to us to communicate their unwanted opinion or to chastise us about the rules we set regarding our child, you get an additional week added to the total amount of time that you don’t get to see our kid, and that person gets blocked. See if we’re playing.'”
“NTA.” – Thin_Tangerine_6271
The subReddit was horrified by the grandmother’s actions and completely understood the OP’s reaction.
Not only had the grandmother been speaking her mind unwantedly about bottle-feeding, but she planned this out to buy bottles and formula and waited until she was alone with the baby to test her theory.
It would only be a matter of time before she tested another theory, such as whether the toddler was “really allergic” to peanut butter.