Decorating a house can be a very personal experience for some people.
A house can be looked at as someone’s calling card to the world when it visits.
So a lot of people aren’t too keen on having people come into their home and just change things at will.
What is meant to be a nice gesture can be interpreted as a violation and disrespect.
Redditor Zealousideal_You6901 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for getting upset with my M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] for redecorating and organising my house when I was on holidays?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“We had only just moved in, and we went on holiday.”
“While away, my I[n]-L[aws] were checking on the house, turning on lights, etc.”
“When we got back, my MIL had redecorated my house, curtains, furniture, added furniture and ornaments, even bought new bedclothes.”
“I got really angry.”
“I felt like it was an invasion of my privacy or a dig at my own housekeeping style.”
“I got upset, and my partner told his dad.”
“His mother was furious, and she got upset too.”
“I ended up feeling bad and apologizing, but the damage was done.”
“She hasn’t been the same since.”
“But I still think I was right and she crossed a line.”WA
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“So… basically, MIL used this opportunity to paw through EVERYTHING you own, using redecorating-as-a-gift for an excuse.”
“That about sums it up?”
“NTA. I would feel so violated.
“Hopefully, she didn’t go so far as to throw out what she replaced.” ~ IamIrene
“NTA. You shouldn’t have apologized or tried to appease her.”
“What she did was definitely stepping over the line, and your partner made it worse.”
“Make them deal with their parents and take your key back from them.” ~ ThatsItImOverThis
“Yup. She owes OP an apology, and the fact that she threw such a fit that OP was made to feel like she had to apologize for this woman coming into her home and redecorating it without the homeowners’ consent is very telling.”
“Your MIL should be embarrassed at her bloody nerve, and should be absolutely grovelling for overstepping.”
“But also, this should have been taken up with her immediately, not your partner complaining to his dad.”
“When someone does something that upsets you, be an adult and say so to them.” ~ Sorry_I_Guess
“NTA. This is a huge overstep on your MIL’s part.”
“Your home is your personal space and should be a reflection of your personality, not somebody else’s.”
“You are, however, an AH for apologising as you’ve just given your MIL a green light to stomp on your personal boundaries again.” ~ OnlymyOP
“Don’t get mad, get even.”
“When you go to her house, change all her bed linens, remove the ornaments, clean her fridge (chuck out all the food you don’t like and are near their use-by date), and rearrange her kitchen.”
“After all, why would she get mad? NTAH.” ~ KnickKnockers
“NTA and you NEVER should have apologised!!”
“You are going to have some serious problems going forward if you don’t fix your people-pleasing ways and learn to stand up for yourself.”
“What’s next, she cries about what you want to name your kid until she gets to decide?” ~ imjustapersontoo
“You should not have apologized.”
“She now knows that you will give in every time.”
“Pack everything up and put it out for garbage collection.”
“If you want, you can let her know about 8 or 9 pm the night before garbage collection that she can pick up the stuff, or it will be hauled away.”
“Buy yourself a few timers and a few lamps and lights will turn off and on for you.”
“Also, get the locks changed.”
“I would not bother asking for the key back since they probably made a copy.”
“Hope your husband is standing up for you and not asking to keep the peace.”
“If so, you have a husband problem.” ~ MontanAngel
“NTA, you never should have apologized because you were completely right.”
“I think it’s time to take down everything she did and decorate your house the way you want it to look.”
“Who cares if she’s mad she overstepped, and now it sounds like she’s using emotional blackmail to make you feel bad about yourself when you shouldn’t.” ~ keesouth
“Why did you apologize?”
“I loved my MIL (she’s passed), but I would have been furious if she had redecorated without asking, and we asked her opinion on decorating all the time since she was so good at it!”
“Your MIL was out of line, and why doesn’t your hubby have your back on this?”
“Clearly, you’re NTA.” ~ HorseygirlWH
“NTA, but please stop apologizing.”
“What your MIL was overstepping in a major way.”
“It’s one thing to say, ‘Hey, I bought a plant for your house,’ but buying everything new literally is insane.”
“Change the locks to your doors and set some hard boundaries.”
“If she was really compelled to help you out, she could have offered to take you shopping.” ~ SnooSprouts6437
“NTA. Why would you apologize?”
“MIL took over your space and made significant changes to a home that wasn’t hers.”
“That’s a massive overstep, and something that I wouldn’t let someone house sit again over.”
“I have some deeply sentimental pieces of furniture/decorations, because they’re from my family – some of whom are no longer alive.”
“If someone significantly changed or got rid of those in the name of redecorating, I’d be heartbroken.”
“I’m not saying that’s the case here, but your MIL didn’t know that wasn’t the case for you because she didn’t ask.”
“She showed you and your home massive disrespect here.” ~ AromaticScientist862
“NTA. She massively overstepped and shouldn’t be allowed in your house unattended again.”
“She owes you an apology and whatever it costs to move her sh*t back out.” ~ C_Majuscula
“NTA. But you shouldn’t have apologized.”
“My MIL reorganised my kitchen whilst I was giving birth to my 2nd.”
“My husband stood there until she put it all back.”
“My own mother doesn’t have a key to my house, as 2 days before my wedding, she was due to let in a window cleaner and took it upon herself to trim all the bushes and dump mountains of crap on the lawn.”
“Where I was planning to have photos and BBQ the day after.”
“So with freshly manicured nails, no garden bin or side gate, we had to drag all the sh*t through the house to take to the dump.”
“I was livid and could have killed her over the guerrilla gardening.”
“What does your husband think?”
“Return the unwanted items.”
“This is your home, not hers.”
“You can buy a timer switch, you know…” ~ ramapyjamadingdong
“This woman has overstepped and then some.”
“Your only mistake was to apologize.
“She stomped a normal boundary.”
Firstly, no more unsupervised access to your home.”
“And really, you need to make a point of removing the additions and her decor ASAP.”
“This is a power move.”
“Your husband is also at fault here.”
“He should have owned the issue- ‘Mom, I am very uncomfortable that you redecorated our home while we were away without consulting us. We didn’t want this.'”
“NTA.” ~ Dogmother123
“NTA. You should NOT have apologized!”
“Why did you do that????”
“She did invade your privacy and change your belongings in YOUR house!”
“Take away their keys and insist they return everything to the way it was before.”
“Why TF is SHE upset?”
“She knew exactly what she was doing and that it was wrong because she waited until you were out of town to do it!”
“Your partner needs to handle their mother and insist that things be put back, your belongings returned, get the key, and make it clear that this will never happen again.”
“She cannot be trusted.”
“How DARE she!” ~ 1RainbowUnicorn
“You never should have apologized.”
“She violated your private home.”
“I’m N[euro]d[ivergent], and I don’t even let people in my room.”
“If someone redecorated without my input and permission, despite the fact that I’m almost 40, I think it would trigger a full-blown anxiety meltdown of literal screaming, crying, and throwing up.”
“Take everything out, have your partner return it to her, and have them tell her you appreciate that she wanted to help, but this was not the way to go about it.”
“NTA.” ~ Limerase
“NTA in-laws owe you an apology.”
“I don’t understand what would compel someone to redecorate a house without the owner asking… SMH.”
“This was 100% an excuse to go through your stuff.”
“How is the mother furious???”
“It’s not her damn house.” ~ One-Plenty-8588
“NTA. I’d have gone straight to a hotel and said I won’t be coming back til everything goes back to the way it was.”
“It’s no longer your home… It’s your MIL’s.”
“This is very much something your husband has to FORCE his mom to fix or risk it damaging or potentially ending his marriage.”
“Not to mention, what if she threw out sentimental items?” ~ Riker_Omega_Three
Reddit is with you, OP.
This is outrageous behavior on your MIL’s part.
People can’t just redecorate other people’s homes.
Who does that?
This situation may just continue to get worse before it gets better.
Good Luck.