Menstruation is a terrible time for many women, and teenagers especially are in a phase of having to learn more about how their bodies and how to cope with the situation.
Having a little help, like a heating pad or medication, can make a huge difference, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, thought that she was helping her daughter’s friend when she offered her pain medication for her severe cramps.
But when the mother reached out and criticized her, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she had overstepped another parent’s boundaries.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for letting my daughter’s friend take our Advil medication?”
The OP allowed her daughter’s friend to take some pain medicine at her house.
“My daughter’s friend (14) was working on a project with her after school.”
“My daughter (14) told me that her friend told her she had period cramps and was suffering through it for a while, but said she felt too bad and was going to go home.”
“My daughter asked her if she wants Advil, and she said sure, and my daughter gave her the bottle.”
“She came to me as she was leaving and asked me if she can take the bottle.”
“I was kind of confused why she didn’t have her own, but I had lots of backups, and my family doesn’t get through much of it, so I said okay, and she took the bottle.”
The girl’s mother contacted the OP about the medicine.
“It’s been like 4 months since that happened and the mom of the daughter called and is upset, because she found Advil in her daughter’s room, and her daughter told her it came from me.”
“I asked her if she was allergic or something and assured her it was just Advil in there.”
“But she was upset because it was Advil. According to her, Advil and a lot of medications are toxic and will cause infertility.”
“I’m not really sure where she is getting this from as I’ve never heard of that before.”
“Anyway, she told me to never give her anything else again, and I agreed.”
“Her friend later came to apologize and said her mom never gives her anything for her period pain because she believes it’s all bad for her.”
“She was hiding it in her room, taking it for her period pain.”
“I feel sorry for the girl since I still have pretty bad periods pain and take Advil to not be stuck in bed for the day.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the girl’s mother may have meant well but may have not been right.
“This mom probably has this kid so far on lockdown that’s not an option. She’s 14. She can’t drive herself around.”
“If she says she bought it, that begets the questions of how and when. Then mom starts taking all of the kid’s money, too. Let’s be real – there are no wins her for this kid when her mother is a nutbag.” – redrosebeetle
“NTA.”
“If the kid is in a bad situation, throwing a neighbor who her mom can’t hurt under the bus makes tragic sense. Saying she bought herself it might have gotten her access to money taken away or had whatever freedoms she does have restricted further. Lying is sometimes how you survive abusive parents.”
“Worth noting that if you are living with someone who subscribes to bizarre Advil conspiracy theories and allows you to suffer instead of treating your period pain, you might be in a bad situation.” – SnarkyBeanBroth
“Obviously she’s not abusing it since she’s had the meds for a month, so man, if the kid wants to come over when she’s on her period, and like…”
“I’m not going to say, ‘Hey, here’s some Advil,’ but I’ll probably say, ‘I have some Advil in the bathroom, but I told your mom I wouldn’t give it to you. But… what you do when you are in the bathroom is your business,’ lol (laughing out loud).” – CaRiSsA504
“‘Another mom gave me this for pain!’ and ‘I went behind your back and bought ‘drugs” are kinda different, and I bet the kid hoped it could help her mom see that there is nothing wrong with the medications…” – deepfriedpotatostrip
“I was CRAWLING to ask one of the adults in my old boarding school for some pain medications to get through the day.”
“They told me I just need a hot compress, put my legs up, and rest bc pain meds are bad for your kidney.”
“I crawled back to do all those but it did nothing. It only made my belly hot and i was uncomfortable for the whole time.” – purpleered
“Please help this girl if you can. My mom fell into a lot of this bulls**t about menstrual health and now I’ve been in the ER 3 times in a short period of time over this issue.”
“If the girl has really painful periods that cause her debilitating pain, THAT IS NOT NORMAL and is a MEDICAL ISSUE!!!! If ignored, it can cause severe complications and even death if her ovaries are twisting in on themselves. This is serious, you are NTA!” – Canoe-Maker
Others said the girl might need to get better at protecting herself.
“Not to mention it’s an over-the-counter product with no age restriction. The daughter could have bought her own at the dollar store, gas station, grocery, etc.”
“The kid might wanna learn not to throw others under the bus tho, she could have said she bought it, and left OP out of her mom’s craziness.” – Ancient_Potential285
“This is what I mean when I tell ppl, parents make the rules but doesn’t mean they are good, appropriate, in the child’s best interest!” – West-Requirement9397
“On the other hand, a mom that bats**t would probably massively over-react, in a punishment sense.”
“Telling her that OP gave it to her was probably the safest route, it’s not like her mom could punish another adult. I wouldn’t blame the kid for that at all.” – Jesalis
“Honestly, at 14, I’d have had a cover story or a backup bottle at the friend’s house just in case mom found the contraband.”
“(I also carried Advil in an Altoids tin because the school wouldn’t allow us to have it unless the nurse gave it out, but she gave one a day (laughs in migraines and IBS) and left at 2:45, and kids with after school activities just had to suffer).”
“I don’t blame the kid, but if your mom is psycho, you gotta get better at lying or keep suffering. (My friends accused my mom of being the mom from Carrie more than once.)” – Revolutionary-Yak-47
“If her mother is this delusional, I don’t really blame a 14-year-old child for panicking and telling the truth when she was caught. Her mom probably went ballistic on her, and that’s a scary thing to face at any age, much less when you’re just a powerless kid.”
“Have some empathy; she’s literally a child, and one in clearly a bad home situation at that.” – boudicas_child
“She likely doesn’t have access to her own money. I didn’t until after high school. My mom simply didn’t let me have it, and when I started working she tried to take control of that too.”
“She completely lost her s**t when I saved the quarter I was sometimes given for a soft pretzel at school for other things I want and accused me of saving up to buy drugs. I wanted a freaking pencil sharpener from the school store.”
“If parents are controlling in one area, they likely are controlling in many areas and the student won’t have normal means of escape.” – phoenix-corn
“My recommendation is to order her one of those Stash cans that look like everyday items like hairspray or pop cans. Just make sure it’s something her mother doesn’t think is the devil, like Advil.”
“The best place to hide things is in the open. I think it’s an incredibly evil thing to make someone suffer through any pain needlessly when something as simple as Advil can help.” – UrbanLegendd
“At 14 she can talk to her doctor alone about these types of things. She can also tell her doctor she needs something for the pain if it is bad. And if mom refuses to let her get treatment for bad pain, the doctor can make a call.”
“Also, she can buy it herself too.” – Own-Tie-802
The subReddit could understand why the OP was feeling conflicted when the other mother confronted her and accused her of overstepping with her daughter.
But they instead insisted that the OP had actually helped the teenager, who was in real, physical pain and who was without other access to pain medication that could help some of the pain go away.
Also, what the girl’s mother suggested was unfounded, though widely-spread, about the over-the-counter medication, and the OP giving the medication to the girl was one more way that some of that misinformation could be discontinued.