Dieting in a house full of people can be challenging. If the whole household follows the same menu, it can be easier to succeed.
But if the dieter is following a restricted menu and everyone else gets to eat the fun stuff, it can be much more tricky.
A woman trying to change her diet turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Ok_Fix_9456 asked:
“AITA for telling my mom to stop cooking for me because she keeps ‘experimenting’ on my food?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So I (22, female) recently started weight loss meds, and with it comes changing my eating habits, and while I’m not sure if my ADHD has a part in all this, I have very specific preferences when I eat.”
“I’m usually fairly good when it comes to eating new things, but usually when I have a preference, I stick by it and will not eat it any other way. But since I started this medication, my mom has been trying to help me with eating better.”
“I love my mother very much and appreciate the effort she puts into trying to help me and do what’s best, but sometimes it only causes more problems, such as now.”
“For some extra information, I am not saying I was completely right for how I acted, I was just off a 22 hour shift, starving and woken up very rudely prior to eating. Nonetheless, I could have gone about it better, but it was just not my day today.”
“Anyways, I came out into the kitchen and my mom made my favorite childhood food which is her spaghetti with sour cream. However, this time it was clearly different and I knew then and there I was gonna have an issue.”
“To further prove my point, the second I ate it, the taste and texture was completely different, but not so horrible I wouldn’t eat it. I was disappointed, but I continued eating because she made it for me.”
“The moment I got upset was because my brother came down and his plate was way different from mine.”
“It was the usual way she made it and the way I loved. Turns out she switched the tomato sauce for the pasta sauce, changed the noodles to whole wheat and left out the sour cream to make it healthier for me.”
“I was more upset because she didn’t tell me she was going to make an entire other pot just for me and with things I have previously said I didn’t like. But this isn’t the only time she’s done it and not the only time I’ve told her to ask me next time.
“So I snapped and told her just don’t cook for me anymore if she wasn’t going to listen to my preferences and be surprised when I say I don’t like the food. And then begin the ‘woe is me’ and guilt tripping me by saying I’m never satisfied with her, when she has in fact made many foods that I love.”
“But it’s trying to find alternatives that I have issues with, because she experiments with my food without asking me.”
“I will admit I could have gone about it much better, and believe me being sleep deprived and hungry made me more irritated. I love my mom, but it gets so tiring repeating myself and then being made to feel like sh*t when she doesn’t try to ask me before making it for me.”
“So am I the a**hole?”
“I love my mom and appreciate having a mom who cares enough to want to help me, and it sucks because sometimes (maybe I’m just dramatic) it feels like she doesn’t really know me because it happens so much.”
“And unfortunately I have bought stuff to keep in my room, but my room doesn’t have a lock that locks on the outside when I go to work, so I come back and see some are missing. Just the other day I left for work in a rush, and I came home and saw money I had was missing.”
“It was $100 I was gonna use towards paying my therapy bill, but now it’s gone and I’m just so tired of it all to be honest. I plan to move out eventually, but with the economy right now, god knows when that’ll be!”
“I do cook for myself, but it’s frustrating when the food I buy to cook for myself gets eaten before I even have a chance to cook it for what I intended to use it for.”
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
“I snapped at my mom and told her not to cook for me anymore because I didn’t like the food she made.”
“Because she was going the extra mile to make food for me and try to help me better my eating habits when she doesn’t have to and I made her feel bad.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. People ‘helping’ by doing what you explicitly asked them not to do is not helping. Your mom might have had good intentions to begin with, but it stopped being that when she ignored your wishes and carried on with what she deems helpful.” ~ flinsbird
“I’ll add that truly helping is ‘What can I do for you’ not ‘I’m just going to do whatever the f*ck I want regardless of your input on your own needs’.” ~ JustNeedSpinda
“NTA. You’ve told her not to mess with the food multiple times, she’s messed with the food multiple times. After 20+ hours of no sleep and consistent boundary pushing, I’d be pissed too.” ~ Successful_Ad1331
“If you didn’t ask her to cook for you, and she didn’t listen when you clearly told her your food preferences, then it really wasn’t for you. It was to make herself feel a certain way.” ~ SJ_Barbarian
“I would let her efforts go to waste, because at this point it’s likely the only thing that will get her to stop.”
“A similar thing happened with my mother, who continuously used one specific seasoning in everything she cooked. I was so sick of it, and no matter how many times I told her to stop, she still cooked with it.”
“So I stopped eating her food and made my own. She would ask why, and I said ‘I told you I hate X, you put X in all the food, so I’m not eating it’. Repeat that almost daily for about 2-3 weeks before she finally stopped.” ~ drop_bears_unite
“Most often, the best weight loss diets are about portion control rather than the actual food ingredients (other than avoiding high salts). In fact, most successful weight loss drugs target appetite rather than metabolism.”
“Maybe if you try explaining this to your mom it will help her understand that you can still eat your favorite foods, you’ll just eat less of it.’
“I’m going with NAH (is that right? No AH?). She wants to help you, she’s just going about it poorly, and you aren’t doing anything wrong other than not communicating your feelings and appreciation as well as you could.” ~ Itsjustme326
“NTA, it sounds like you have a mom problem; specifically, she refuses to take your preferences into consideration despite repeated input from you.”
“She clearly doesn’t take you seriously and is a tad on the narcissistic side when she cries you don’t appreciate her and guilt trips you.”
“If it were me, I would just not eat what she makes AT ALL and just either make my own or order out, just to piss her off, but I’m petty that way.” ~ M312345
“I have ADHD and also have sensory issues surrounding food. I need a heads up that the food is different then what I am used to so I can mentally prepare for it.”
“Does this suck? Absolutely. Am I being a picky pain in the ass on purpose? Absolutely not.”
“NTA. But maybe start having small safe healthy ish snacks set aside so you can eat when the meal isn’t what your brain is expecting.” ~ postalpinup
“NTA. You’ve had the conversation before and she still meddles with your food. You never asked her to do this and have explicitly told her not to many times.”
“She made the food objectively worse than gave it to just you. I’m assuming she didn’t eat her gross pasta.”
“Sure you shouldn’t have snipped but you know that and this isn’t a one off. You apologized but it also sounds like your mom is a bit of a narcissist so you know it’s never good enough.”
“I think you are right, don’t have her cook for you and if she does and you don’t like it just don’t eat or and cook for yourself anyway.” ~ Loud_et_Proud
“NTA. It’s clear you didn’t mean to snap at your mom the way you did. We’re all guilty of snapping without meaning to and your reasons for doing so are completely valid.”
“You’ve acknowledged you regret the way you handled things, but I think the message you conveyed was important even if it was executed not in the way you wished.”
“Repeatedly ignoring your polite requests to not alter your food is disrespectful, even if she isn’t meaning to be. Maybe sit down and have a proper talk with her about how it makes you feel.” ~ blossominghost
OP decided to try talking to their mother again.