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Mom Called Out For Demanding She Also Receive Gifts And Be ‘Celebrated’ On Her Kids’ Birthdays

Photo by Kira auf der Heide/Unsplash

Everyone deserves celebrations in life.

It’s nice to have a little time to tell a person… “Hey, you’re great. Glad you’re here.”

That’s what birthdays are about. Right?

But some may ask… how many people deserve a party that day?

Case in point…

Redditor ThrowawayBirthdayx96 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not wanting to celebrate my mom on MY birthday?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I have three siblings between the ages of 10 and 18.”

“I’m the oldest fourth at 25.”

“Every year on every single one of our birthday, we’re expected to celebrate my mom as well.”

“We’ve done it since we were little.”

“It was taught to me as ‘giving thanks for carrying + giving birth to us.'”

“Which I’m all for, I am grateful as we wouldn’t be here without her.”

“The issue is though, it becomes less of our birthday and more-so an anniversary for the day our mom gave birth.”

“Every year on our birthday our mom gets gifts too.”

“As we got older, we’re now expected to get her monetary gifts (and not cards, or homemade stuff).”

“Just recently was my birthday and I was gifted some much needed clothes and dishware for my new apartment.”

“My dad however got my mom a new macbook.”

“My siblings all got her gifts too.”

“My youngest brother isn’t expected to give much, but my 16 year old sister and 18 year old 2nd brother work so they’re expected to give gifts too.”

“My sister pulled me aside before my birthday and said she was sorry she couldn’t get me much (she got me a sweater, I love it!).”

“And that she wanted to get me more but our mom was pressuring her to get a certain necklace for our mom.”

“Apparently my mom had been dropping hints for a month and my sister was worried our mom would be upset and feel underappreciated if she didn’t get it.”

“I asked how much it was, and my sister said it was $300.”

“I honestly lost it on our mom and chewed into her later that afternoon when my mom opened her gifts after me.”

“I think she’s ridiculous for even wanting my sister to spend so much on a gift!”

“Mom started crying and my dad kicked me out.”‘

“Mom won’t answer calls but my aunt (mom’s sister) called and said I was a P[iece] O[f] S[h*t] for not respecting my mother and that I’m a selfish, narcissist child for being jealous of the gifts mom got.”

“I thought I was in the right, but now I don’t know.”

“It’s been over two weeks and mom won’t answer my calls.”

“She’s been posting on facebook inspiration quotes about letting go of the toxicity in your life, how blood doesn’t equal family, and how hard it is to be a mother.”

“Several family members (aunt, grandma, uncle, and two of my cousins) are replying to the posts and are very obviously directing vague comments at me about being a horrible daughter.”

“I don’t know what to think now because of how many people are on her side.  :/ “


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. It was her choice to carry 4 children and give birth to them.”

“Your mother sounds self-centered and selfish.”

“As far as toxicity in one’s life and how blood doesn’t equal family, I think you should apply that to your mother, not to you.”  ~ Primary-Criticism929

“I mean, I send my mom flowers on my birthday.”

“But it’s also my choice, one I make as an adult.”

“And not one expected, but appreciated.”

“I think it’s cool to honor your mom on your birthday (she did all the work bringing you into the world).”

“But OP’s mom is an entitled narcissist’s about it.”

“Who expects a $300 gift from their 16yr old on their 25yr old’s birthday?”  ~ ondinemonsters

“My parents are pretty well off, and they don’t even spend 300$ on birthday and Christmas combined for me.”

“Unless it’s something I need like clothes.”

“They literally told me their budget for gifts is like 200-250 the only exception was when my mom got my dad and I a Ps4 as a joint gift.”

“For OP you’re NTA.”

“I suggest creating a small savings fund for your siblings (if you can) and gift it to them when their older.”

“At this rate your siblings bank accounts are gonna be empty by the time they reach full adulthood.”

“You have a family of enablers basically praising her for expecting ridiculously expensive gifts.”

“You are not a narcissist SHE is.”  ~ Relative_Scarcity654

“I HATE it when people do the oh, here’s a gift for you because it’s your siblings birthday crap.”

“OP I’m a mom and my kids birthday is their birthday not mine.”

“Just like when my kids were younger and a grandparent kept trying to do the well, I don’t want the other one to get sad about not having a gift thing and put a stop to that right then.”

“You deserve some shine!”

“I’m sorry. NTA.”

“Celebrate your birthday with people who want to celebrate having you in their life. Happy belated birthday!” ~ J3ks46

“OP’s mother seems fairly narcissistic.”

“This is a classic “LOOK AT ME!!!!” attention grab from narcs who need constant narc supply.”

“Not saying she is narcissistic, but she seems narcissistic.”

“Only mothers I know who do this are narcs. The raised by narcissists sub and others talk about stories like this all the time.”

“Also, the ‘silent treatment’ is a classic narc move on children in order to whip them inline.”

“The amusing thing is that at some point when those children become adults and when the parent pulls this s**t, if that adult child has smarten up, they’ll just move on.”

“The silent treatment technique stops working.”

“Edit: if your mother won’t answer your texts, OP, consider this a damn blessing.”

“She’s trying to manipulate you.”

“Stop contacting her. Depending on how stubborn she is, she’ll start contacting you in time.”  ~ hdmx539

“It’s called hoovering!”

“My narc mom contacted me recently, basically threatening to cut me out of her will if I don’t fly across the country to visit her.”

“I assumed I was cut out of the will anyway. Not like I went no-contact with the expectation that I would still be in the will.”

“OP, she will blackmail, bribe, guilt trip, project, gaslight, and DARVO you, but she will NEVER apologize, let alone make amends.”  ~ Crazy-Kitty-Lady

“Seriously OP, there is something very wrong with your mother.”

“How rich for your aunt to call you a narcissist when it’s actually your mom that is.”

“You and your siblings need to end this ridiculous ‘tradition.'”

“Tell your mom you’re no longer celebrate her getting f**ked.”  ~ quickwitqueen

“The daughter is 16 and HAD TO PAY 300 DOLLARS for the gift.”

“There are four of them plus her own birthday so mommy celebrities 5 times per year!!”

“She is such a narcissist.”

“I bet any little suggestion she did something wrong as a parent or that she isn’t the #1 mom in the world, she turns on the water works (starts crying) and the guilt tripping begins.”

“That is why the 16 year old was afraid of not spending so much money and OP is cut off the family because of the outburst.”

“She probably will need to buy her mom a new car to be forgiven.”  ~ National-Platypus144

“NTA. I’m a mom. My son’s birthday is about him. I have my own birthday.”

“I don’t get to make up my own traditions to get everybody to buy me presents.”

“Your mom sounds narcissistic and your family is weird for going along with this.”

“It sounds like your mom uses emotional blackmail to get others to put her first.”   ~ UrsaGeorge

“NTA… however your mom though. Holy crapbucket.”

“How the hell can you feel entitled to a $300 gift from your kid (at 18).”

“And expecting 5 birthdays a year. Your mom and your enabling family are messed up.”  

“I would have cut them off asap. Maybe leave an olive branch for your siblings if they wanna run at some point as well.” ~ dinkelbeeeerg

“My husband wanted a $300 something for his birthday, so his parents, my parents and I all went in on it together — and it was his ‘big gift’ for the year.”

“I can’t imagine how anyone could think that a kid with a part-time job should spend that much on a gift. It’s wildly greedy and inappropriate!”

“NTA.”  ~. mouse_attack

“NTA so much!”

“Your birthday and your mum got a new MacBook, a 300 necklace plus more?”

“And she does this 4x a year plus Christmas, her own birthday and Mother’s Day.”

“Also why is your dad ignored here?”

“It’s shocking how awful she is guilting you all into spending loads on her so much each year.”  ~ VividEfficiency7347

OP heard you all and came back for an update. 

“EDIT: Thank you for all your feedback. I think it’s really eye opening and I’m going to try to find a therapist so I can unload all this f**kery.”

“Also, thank you for the awards but you don’t have to!”

“If you’d feel inclined, I think it would be pretty cool to donate it instead to a cool charity of your choice instead.”

Reddit had no issues on sharing thoughts.

Well hopefully birthdays going forward don’t have to take such an emotional toll for OP.

Happy Belated Birthday OP!