We’ve all heard that saying “Give someone a foot, and they’ll take a mile” in reference to someone taking advantage of our kindness or good deeds.
One person decided they would take that mile back from their mother on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwawaynovacation was tired of their mother taking advantage of their planning and payment for family vacations, and they decided to do something about it.
But when they saw their mother’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) they wondered if they went too far.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for canceling my mom’s trip to Europe?”
The OP’s mother had a bad habit of spending other people’s money.
“For my parents’ anniversary, I had decided to treat them, my siblings, and our own families, on a trip across Europe.”
“Now, my mom has a tendency to invite people to events and even vacations that we plan without telling us.”
“As a result, it means that the plans we have for the vacation get thrown off course.”
“She does this all the time, despite us telling her she needs to stop because it throws off plans.”
“She also expects us to foot the bill of the guest that she invited.”
It happened again on their latest family vacation.
“My sister calls me and tells me that our mom invited another family member to the trip without me knowing.”
“My mom also told the family member that I would be paying for them to come along, and also, that I’ll be paying for them the entire time there.”
“The family member apparently accepted the invite and even thanked me through a text message, saying that my mom told them that I insisted that they come.”
“Every time my mom does this, it puts not only me but my siblings and my dad in awkward situations. The reason being that we come off as a**holes for suddenly ‘revoking’ invites or that we don’t want the invited guest to come. It frustrates my mom, who says that we embarrass her.”
“Obviously, I cannot afford to bring another person on vacation with us.”
“I had to be honest and I politely told the invited guest that my mother was incorrect, and had actually lied; I had not invited additional guests.”
“The invited guest thanked me for telling them and apologized.”
The OP’s mother did not take this well.
“Within moments, my mom had called me, upset that I had, once again, embarrassed her.”
“I explained to her that we’ve been through this multiple times and, no matter how many times we tell her, she keeps doing it.”
“I said that this is frustrating for all of us and that I had canceled her plane ticket.”
“She was furious and said that I was being unreasonable.”
“Everyone in our family will be going on the trip without her.”
“She said that she’ll be here alone.”
“I told her to just go stay with the guest that she invited since she wanted them on the trip so bad.”
“She said she was hurt and just hung up on me.”
“I feel bad, but planning a vacation is stressful enough.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some could not believe the mother’s entitlement.
“You don’t pay the bills, you don’t get to decide who goes on the trip. If you’re unhappy about it, don’t go. Simple as that.”
“NTA, OP – your actions were totally reasonable.” – GoodGirlsGrace
“She’s showing off. ‘Look at how rich my kid is, they are taking 37 people to Europe for MY anniversary!’ Classic narcissist behavior.” – Specialist_Day2917
“If someone offered me an all-expenses-paid trip, I would be profusely grateful!! I can’t even with mom’s entitlement…”
“Might be different if it was her partner, but I figure that would have been pre-negotiated.”
“OP is NTA” – SnowFox84
“It’s the same reason I can never give any family members of mine any financial support- they constantly try to either squeeze more out of me or they try to adopt my generosity into their own financial planning and attempt to shanghai me into giving them more money.”
“OP, you shouldn’t be paying for her trips anymore. She’s lost the privilege.” – JenovaCelestia
Others agreed and found her husband’s attendance to be telling.
“NTA. It is very telling that the entire family, even OPs father, are content to leave the mother behind. The father did not raise an objection to his wife not coming. He is probably looking forward to the time away from her.” – alexemalexem
“An anniversary trip, with one of the primary participants, now excluded… and the other primary participant went along with it. I wonder how strong their marriage really is.” – Caddan
Some thought the OP was in the wrong, too, though.
“ESH – this is a trip you planned for your mom and dad for their anniversary. And now you’re leaving her behind as a powerplay but still taking your dad…. for their anniversary.”
“Your mom shouldn’t be inviting people without permission and expect it to be at your expense but your reaction seems equally uncouth” – TundraTaurus
“I think a lot of responses are forgetting that first detail – Anniversary Trip. Claiming it was an anniversary trip and then disinvited one side of the couple that you claim the trip was for is a d**k move no matter what.”
“OP got real petty. He could have just said, ‘If you invite anyone else, I will cancel the trip.'”
“But let’s be real, the trip was never for OPs parents… OP wanted to go to Europe.” – McJumpington
“I’m gonna get roasted but I think ESH.”
“What your mom did was so rude and appalling and stupid but you know your mom has a history of this so shouldn’t have been surprised. And to uninvite her on her own anniversary trip while still taking her husband seems a bit over the top.”
“You could’ve still taken her but made it very clear this was the last trip you were ever planning for her.” – KateandJack
The OP was a little divided about how the situation went, and the subReddit understood why. Some found the mother to be incredibly entitled, so much so, they pondered the father’s relationship with her.
But some wondered if the OP, too, went too far when they decided to take the anniversary trip from her mother, essentially stooping to her level.