One of the highlights of the year for some people is an annual family vacation or trip with friends.
It’s incredibly hurtful if they look forward to the trip, only to realize that the rest of the people don’t really care if they can go or not, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor maplehoneycupcake enjoyed going on a family vacation every year, and this year was supposed to include a longer and more complex trip than usual, until she realized that it would overlap with the birth of her first child.
When her family decided to move forward with the trip and disregarded her concerns about going with them, the Original Poster (OP) felt hurt that they didn’t try harder to involve her.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for being upset that my parents booked an extra-long vacation for the same week that I’m due to give birth?”
The OP moved near her parents to help support them.
“I’m (30 Female) pregnant with my first child, due mid-July 2026.”
“My parents are the only family members who live close to me, a 15-minute drive away. We moved across the country to be closer to them a few years ago because they’re 69 and 70, and the rest of the family/my siblings live very far away.”
“I didn’t want them to be on their own as they started to age, and since we were planning to have kids soon, I wanted them in my kids’ lives. This will be their first grandchild.”
“Also, my parents wanted us to move closer, and we were happy to do it because at the time, we were renting in a HCOL (high cost of living) city and were planning to try to buy a home, so we ended up buying a townhouse over from them.”
“I never expected my parents to be childcare for my kids, even though they’d brought it up at one point. I was clear to them that me moving close was not under the expectation of a built-in babysitter since I don’t want them obligated to watch my kids in their retirement.”
“My in-laws still work full-time and live across the country. My MIL is planning to come for a few days in August, but they both have very demanding jobs and can’t hop on a flight without notice.”
When the OP’s parents planned the next family vacation, the OP felt left out.
“The issue: Every year, my entire extended family goes on vacation from the end of July into August. I’m obviously not going this year, since I’ll either have a very fresh newborn or will actively be giving birth if I go longer than 40 weeks (my due date is six days before).”
“My parents typically go on this family trip for three weeks.”
“In November, I told my parents about my pregnancy, and their first concern was whether my husband and I would be able to go on the family vacation. They let me know that they had been considering going for longer this year, potentially six weeks, and suggested I drive up (this is an 18-hour drive) with the newborn and stay for a few days, since I’ll be on maternity leave.”
“I’ve never had a kid, but an 18-hour drive a couple weeks postpartum with a newborn sounds like h**l, and a flight with a baby less than six weeks old isn’t something I’m comfortable doing, so I said that wasn’t going happen. They were disappointed, but the conversation ended there.”
“On Christmas, while the whole family was together, they told us they’ve decided to book the vacation for the whole six weeks, plus an extra week to visit my sisters in the city they both live in, close to where we all vacation.”
“The vacation will start July 23rd, and they’ll be back in mid-September. My sister (bless her) mentioned that it was kinda messed up that they’d be leaving me during birth and then gone for the first seven weeks of my kids’ life.”
“The response? ‘She knows she can come up any time after the baby is born.’”
“I was a little upset that they’d booked the longer trip, even though they knew about the due date, and the response threw me off, since I’d already told them I wasn’t going to be driving/flying up less than six weeks postpartum with a newborn.”
The OP was shocked by her mom’s response when she shared her concerns with her.
“I ended up telling my mom I would really like to have them there sooner than seven weeks and that I was a little hurt that it felt like they weren’t interested in meeting their grandchild.”
“Her response was, ‘You’re resourceful. I know if you really want us there, you’ll find a way to deliver early so we can be there.'”
“I was floored, and I did not have an answer for that. I know my having a baby shouldn’t impact everyone’s lives, and I would not expect it to. I didn’t expect them to delay their usual three-week vacation, and I would not have asked them to.”
“But they’re choosing to be gone an extra month and haven’t indicated any remorse over leaving me alone during a time I’d really like to have my parents around.”
“I’m not expecting them to take care of my kid, but I have no idea what I’m doing, and the thought of having absolutely no family nearby if something happens is terrifying.”
“I usually can get over stuff like this with them, but it’s been over a month, and I keep getting more upset and angry.”
“Each time I bring it up, they act like my choice not to drive (or fly) up after the birth is the problem here, not the extra month they’ve added on to the trip.”
“At this point, I don’t even want to talk to them. I haven’t seen them in weeks, and I feel terrible about it since I moved here to support them/help as needed, but I don’t have the stomach to be around them right now. I genuinely feel like they don’t care about their first grandchild at all, or me, and it’s making me question my entire relationship with them.”
“I know pregnancy can cause hormonal reactions, so I figured I’d ask strangers since my (obviously very biased) husband and siblings are outraged for me.”
“AIO?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some were alarmed by the mother’s comments about the OP “figuring it out.”
“Honestly, your mother’s comment about you being ‘resourceful’ and finding a way to deliver early is what tips right into NOR for me.”
“It’s just such a weird, passive-aggressive thing to say. I don’t even understand what she’s getting at.”
“It seems to me there might be something else going on here; do you have any siblings to talk to about it?” – Capable-Detective-69
“I literally exclaimed, ‘Oh my god’ out loud when I read the part about the OP being ‘resourceful.'”
“First of all, it’s really messed up to pressure a pregnant woman into delivering early. Second, it’s even more messed up to pressure her into immediately traveling with a newborn.”
“I gave birth on 1/17, and no, you’re absolutely not going anywhere. The baby notwithstanding: I’m just at the point, almost three weeks postpartum, where I’ve stopped actively bleeding but I still have some pain, and I delivered ‘naturally,’ not via Cesarean!” – LadyWhimsy87
“Please, please know that it is not safe for newborn or very young babies to be in car seats for that long! I don’t know the pathophysiology behind it, but their respiratory drive can somehow sort of turn off, and it can kill them.”
“It’s also not a good idea for a newly post-partum woman, especially if she has a C-section, to be in a car for extended periods. The risk of developing blood clots is real.”
“So, you cannot, in fact, ‘just drive up to visit for a few days if you want to.’ Not safely, anyway.”
“I initially laughed when I started reading because when I first got pregnant with my second, I told my folks I was going to have a baby in the Fourth of July. I was due June 27th, but kept joking it would be July fourth.”
“My parents elected to book a trip for that weekend anyway. This was before cell phones, and before you knew the sex of the baby until it was born. I wasn’t upset with my parents, because it was a weekend, not seven weeks, for f**k’s sake!”
“So, sure enough, I called my parents at their little inn on Independence Day, and left a message at the front desk, ‘It’s a girl!'”
“My story is cute. Yours? Definitely not. NOR. I’m sorry.” – Single_Principle_973
“I literally said, ‘Oh my f**king god’ when the mom suggested that the OP was ‘resourceful,’ but… wow. It was bad enough up to that point. OP, I would feel utterly betrayed. NOR, not by any stretch of the imagination. I’m so sorry. Congrats on your impending little one, though!” – BetMyLastKrispyKreme
“NOR. I’m sorry, but your parents sound entitled and selfish. How they have treated this situation is stunning. Making you feel like you need to figure it out got them us horrible. I’d be furious. This is not okay!” – er1026
Others were critical of how the OP was being treated by her parents.
“As someone who’s given birth both ways, it sucks both ways. And it’s hard for me to imagine grandparents this uninvolved. My parents HATE each other, and both tried to scramble over each other to be there.”
“I wanted to visit my aunt at 32 weeks in a car, and they were both like, ‘No, don’t do that!'” – Elismom1313
“I bled for more than nine weeks with my first. Expecting OP to drive eighteen hours with her newborn and her postpartum body is a shockingly ignorant and selfish expectation. Infants cannot spend more than a certain amount of time in their car seat, for a variety of reasons.”
“They absolutely cannot take an eighteen-hour drive when they’re fresh out of the womb merely because grandparents wanted to go on vacation and expect mommy and daddy to deliver the child to them where they are. I don’t like these people, and I don’t like how they treat their daughter.” – Viola-Swamp
“NOR. My mom did a big solid and came right away when I was to be induced two weeks late. I was not induced. Delivered naturally due to the full moon, according to my mom.”
“Again. We were not close. But she came and stayed for close to a week? Two weeks? Here and the closest hotel, not remotely close to her standards. New baby delirium. I cannot remember the time span.”
“We’re still not as close as I’d like. She’s still not seen my kiddo as much as I’d like. But she literally dropped everything to come support me and her first true grandchild. If my mom could do it? Anyone’s can. Your mother is acting extremely off-putting, OP. I’m so sorry!”
“My mother literally came the next day. She dropped every plan- she is a social butterfly. All her friends sent flowers and cards. It was a bit insane. She was so sad I did it “alone.” (My husband was there.) She thought coming the next day she’d make it. If your mother wanted to support you, she’d move Heaven and Earth.” – Kellbows
“OP, is it possible that your mom and/or dad have main character issues? NOR. Retired child health care provider, mom, and grandmother here. Babies born more than one week early can have health issues, especially related to lung development. Do not try to get induced early.”
“Your mom can see the baby after they come home. An 18-hour drive is not a good idea for you, as you are at risk for blood clots in your legs forming and going to your lungs. Stress will reduce your milk supply, and all round bad idea for the baby.”
“I’m sorry they are being this way. The bright side is that you and your husband will have plenty of bonding time with little one. Cook and freeze meals before you are close to your due date.”
“Lots of hugs for you and your little family from this internet mom and grandma.” – Any-Alternative2667
“Plus, with feeding, burping, changing, and stopping the baby from crying, the ’18-hour drive’ would turn into probably at least a 24-hour drive. You are NOTNOR at all!”
“That’s just a crazy idea, driving that far. It can’t be good for the baby or for you, and it will be a nightmare. Bond with your new baby and rest (nap when the baby naps), enjoy the start of a new life! I’m sorry your parents won’t be there, I really am. But you got this!” – Michigander_4941
The OP was relieved by the feedback she received.
“I really appreciate everyone’s responses. I’ve been really conflicted about how I’ve been responding to this, oscillating between ‘it’s not a big deal,’ and ‘no, you’re allowed to be upset,’ and it’s nice to hear outsiders’ opinions.”
“I think I’m mostly upset about their insistence that I need to travel/give birth early so they can meet my kid, not the seven-week vacation itself.”
“I guess in hindsight, my parents have behaved a bit selfishly before, but not at the level of asking me to endanger myself/my kid.”
“I’ve always been able to make excuses for it (for example, they never visited me when I lived across the country for years and repeatedly asked them to please come, but I chalked that up to the pandemic and an unwillingness to fly). I’m rethinking that now.”
As fun as it might be to go on the trip, especially when it sounded like it would be better and bigger than ever, it sounded like going with family members who were entitled and acted like they were the main characters would actually bring the vibe down.
The OP was better off relaxing as much as she could through the birth of her child, enjoying bonding with her baby, and then finding something fun to do on her own terms.