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Mom Kicked Out For Constantly Asking Recently-Widowed Son’s Kids If They Want A ‘New Mommy’

Photo by Sandy Millar/Unsplash

Family means well. But that doesn’t mean we have to accept all of their drama.

Grief is a struggle that never leaves you.

So how you grieve and learn to a new life is your choice.

But some people, with the best of intentions, will cause chaos.

Case in point…

Redditor Quanflando wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

He asked:

“AITA for telling my mom to leave my house?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My (34 M[ale]) wife died 2 years ago.”

“I’m now a single dad to our 3 kids, 7M and 4 F[emale] twins.”

“Because I have to work two jobs, all grandparents have been babysitting a lot.”

“My mother moved in with us 7 months ago, because her rent got way too expensive, and honestly I just really needed the help.”

“A few weeks ago my mother asked me if I will ever remarry because the kids will need a mom, and I brushed it off and asked her not to talk about that anymore.”

“Last week she asked my kids at breakfast if they would like to have a new mommy.”

“I snapped at her and told her to stop it.”

“Later that day she told me that her friend’s daughter is single (divorced) and would be great for me.”

“I told her I’m not interested and not to bring it up in front of the kids.”

“Yesterday I came home to my girls crying and my boy trying to comfort them.”

“I ask what happened and my son tells me that a new mommy is coming and that they don’t want a new mom.”

“I lost it.”

“I went to my mom’s room and yelled at her, then told her to get out of my house the next day (today).”

“The kids went to stay with my brother for the night.”

“When I came home today, she was still here and begged me to give her another chance.”

“I said she crossed this line too many times.”

“I said she has another night here, then she better figure something else out.”

“My brother said I overreacted, my in-laws are on my side.”

“And my sister said I’m an AH and I owe mom a place to live, and that she is a good person.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA… an in your sister’s own words, SHE owes your Mother a place to live as well!!”

“So it is your Sister’s turn!!” ~ StangF150

“I saw this crap in another post as well.”

“OP of that post is autistic and was expected to upend her life to raise her nephew after his parents passed in an accident.”

“No one else was willing to take him in or provide assistance.”

“But the moment she mentioned foster care because she just couldn’t handle raising a child (overall wellbeing on sharp decline; stress levels sharply rising).”

“Her relatives were quick to jump on her with ‘tHiNk AbOuT tHe ChiLd!'”

“It’s absolutely sickening.”

“And people in the comments were saying, ‘It’s only 6 years.'”

“ONLY. For people with ASD, that is more than enough time to destroy us.”

“Also, judgement for current OP: NTA.”

“Your mom has no business nosing into your… uh… business.”

“She is being blatantly disrespectful to you and clearly thought that she could manipulate your decision to remarry by going through your kids.”

“If your sister has such an issue with your mother not having a place now, she can take her in.” ~ BadgeringMagpie

“Exactly! Your brother and sister are siding with mom because they don’t want her moving in with either of them!”

“They want mom to stay at OPs house.”

“OP, I think at the very least, it’s time for a cooling off period of at least a week.”

“Toss mom out and let brother and sister figure it out.”

“Your kids need a breather with you and your in-laws reassuring them that things are going to be fine.”

“Tell the kids that Grannie said mean things and she is on a time out.”

“And when (if) she comes back, she has to apologize to all of us (kids included!) for saying mean things.”  ~ androiddays

“Most definitely!”

“OP, this is about protecting your children from toxicity when they’ve already been through so much.”

“You are wise to put them first. NTA.”  ~ ksharonisok

“Yes exactly this – she literally didn’t care that her constant insistence on a ‘new mom’ was freaking the kids out so much that they were reduced to tears.”

“Why the actual fuck did op return to find his mom in her room alone while his SON.”

“A 7 year old child, was the one trying to comfort his little sisters?!”

“On a slightly nicer note, I hope OP tells his son how proud he is of him for reacting like that and being such a great older brother trying to comfort his younger sisters when the situation must have been confusing and distressing to him as well!”

“Op sounds like a great dad that’s just struggling because life dealt him a rough hand so I’m absolutely sure he is showering all three with all the love and affection they deserve.”  ~ ApprehensiveIssue340

“Your mom was out of line.”

“This is a hill I’d die on because she is emotionally damaging your children.”

“And not respecting your boundaries.”

“Mom won’t change, if free child care comes with emotional abuse, bye.”

“The children have already had a lot of change quickly.”

“Plus, you own mom nothing, she a grown ass woman.”

“Your children need you. NTA.”  ~ EasyTangerine9038

“NTA at all.”

“She doesn’t care at all about your feelings or boundaries, and she’s willing to traumatize your children to push her own agenda.”

“You have threatened her with consequences, and now you have to follow through with the consequences.”

“The kids aren’t safe around her.”

“She can go stay with one of her other kids if they are so supportive of her behavior.”  ~ panic_bread

“NTA, as a single Dad of three there should be no pressure on you or rush to find a significant other or remarry.”

“Only you will know when you are ready for a relationship.”

“Also, finding a replacement mother is not the goal for a romantic life and the fact that your Mom is using that as her crutch is awful.”

“Kicking her out may have been a tad extreme but you have to put your foot down.”

“Your children are your number one priority and standing up for them and yourself is a big deal.”

“You need to have a serious talk with your Mom about boundaries and offer conditional housing based upon those boundaries.”  ~ Imacoldazzhonky

OP is listening…

“Thank you for your words, especially the first part.”

“I might start dating again someday and may even remarry, but my kids will never get another mom.”

“Maybe a great stepmom (either that or no stepmom, obviously), but not a mom.”

“And that’s okay. They have a mom, she just isn’t here anymore.”

Reddit continued…

“Please don’t give her another chance!”

“I agreed with the first paragraph in that comment but not the second.”

“She has made it clear she won’t follow your extremely reasonable boundaries.”

“Even if she shows that she’ll give up trying, I guarantee she’ll start again in a month or two after the dust has settled.”

“Or she may guilt your children for almost getting her kicked out (since she was willing to go behind your back with them already).”

“Please do not let your mother around your children for awhile.”

“What she did is extremely cruel and traumatizing. Good luck OP!”

“You are definitely doing the right thing.”  ~ alt546789

“You as a father are not only protecting your children but also the emotional lost the suffer they lost a mom and you lost not only just a wife but your best friend.”

“Not only was your mom wrong for pushing you to remarry she trying to push the old fashioned mom and daddy white fence and nice house not thinking about you or your children’s mental and emotional well being.”

“Plus when it comes to dating you have to be careful on who you bring around your children too so you’re doing the right thing by waiting and focusing on your family.

“As for what your sister and what she feels tell her if you feel that way I’ll send our to live with you since not only I owe her a place to live but you too since she your mom too.” ~ queenofsin25

“NTA, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Your mom has seriously crossed a line and to do it in front of your children and hurt them is unforgivable in my opinion.”

“You don’t owe your mom a 0pace to live at all, and if your sister feels that way she can house your mom.”  ~ coppeliuseyes

That is a lot to process OP.

Reddit is here to listen.

So sorry for your loss and current situation.

Keep being a great dad!