Content Warning: Ableism
Even though it’s 2025, there are still people in the world who refuse to see people with different abilities as equals.
As soon as they observe something “different” about them, they think it’s okay to judge them, side-eyed the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor buttercreamboredoms looked on while her boyfriend’s mother ridiculed and judged her mother, who was Deaf and Mute.
After listening to her ridicule for far too long, the Original Poster (OP) spoke up against her, but her boyfriend did not react in the way that she expected.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for calling my boyfriend’s mom the ‘Queen of Rude’ in front of guests after she made fun of my mom on her birthday?”
The OP and her boyfriend’s mothers did not get along.
“This happened last weekend, and I’m still kinda upset and confused if I overreacted or not.”
“My boyfriend, Carlos, and I have been together for about two years.”
“His mom, Rosa, and my mom don’t get along at all, mostly because Rosa has always been pretty rude and dismissive toward my mom.”
“My mom is deaf and mute and communicates mostly through sign language and some written notes.”
“Rosa has made snide comments about it before, but I tried to ignore it for Carlos’s sake.”
After two years, the OP had had enough of her boyfriend’s mother’s comments.
“Last weekend was my mom’s birthday, and Carlos and I invited both of our moms to a small get-together at our place.”
“I wanted it to be a nice day, you know, to maybe ease some tension between them. Well, it didn’t go that way.”
“During the party, Rosa started making fun of my mom’s way of communicating. She said things like, ‘Oh my god, it’s like talking to a wall,’ and ‘Why can’t she just learn to talk like a normal person’ loud enough for other guests to hear.”
“I was shocked and hurt, but stayed quiet, hoping Carlos would step in. But Carlos didn’t say a word. Not one.”
“I finally snapped and said right in front of everyone, ‘Your mom is the Queen of Rude.'”
“That made the room super tense. Rosa looked furious and left early.”
The party was divided over how the OP handled the situation.
“Carlos was mad at me afterward, saying I embarrassed his mom, and I should have handled it differently.”
“My friends who were there say I had every right to stand up for my mom and call out Rosa’s behavior. But Carlos’s side says I made the situation worse and was disrespectful in front of guests.”
“I feel like I was carrying a lot of emotional labor trying to keep peace between them, and my mom got hurt the most.”
“Should I have kept quiet? Was I the AH for calling out Rosa like that? Am I overreacting, or is Carlos just being blind to how bad his mom’s behavior was?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that it was Carlos’s job to speak to his mom, and he failed.
“NTA.”
“Tell Carlos that if he had stood up and been a man and said something to his mom to begin with, you wouldn’t have needed to. His mom needed to be checked by someone. To be that rude to/about someone is bad enough, and to do it on her birthday is over the top.”
“Both your boyfriend and his mother are AHes.”
“Are you really sure they are people you want in your life? If Carlos is blind to his mother’s rude behavior, he is also deaf to it.” – bookworm-1960
“‘Carlos was mad at me afterward, saying I embarrassed his mom and I should have handled it differently…'”
“This ‘MAN’ will NEVER stand up for you. He will expect you to handle ALL THE BULLS**T and do it better than you can because he’s a f**king coward.”
“You will regret everything for decades if you marry him.”
“This is before a wedding, or serious holidays, or children.”
“Dump his a**.”
“And his mom is the queen of mean.”
“NTA (but if you stay… you will be.)” – grayblue_grrl
“Carlos is okay with how his mom treats your mom. She has been rude before, and at this event, she was downright cruel. Rosa isn’t your biggest problem here; it’s Carlos.”
“You have spent two years with someone who allows your mother to be badly treated, and gets angry at YOU for standing up to that behavior. It will only continue as long as you are with him.”
“You need to cut him loose, and you’ll never have to see his mom again. Please do not normalize this for the sake of your boyfriend. Your mom deserves better, and those two are not good enough people to be around either of you.” – Loud-Climate5927
“Rude is a nice way to describe this behavior. This is discrimination against a person with disability, like racism or sexism. They perceive themselves as superior to your mom; they kept bring it up as a tactic to make your mom and you feel smaller and more inferior.”
“Carlos did not stand up for your mom or for you before because he believes you and your family are beneath him. They were embarrassed because no one else agreed with them when you call them out.”
“This is not rude. This is calculated manipulation behavior on his part and discrimination as a whole on their family. You cannot use reasons to change their behavior (like trying to talk sense to a racist). You need to leave him.” – Several_Chipmunk1814
“NTA. Well, you have both a boyfriend problem and a mother of your boyfriend problem. He should have told his mom to shut up and be respectful.”
“I mean, the woman’s deaf, you don’t make fun of her because she can’t hear. She’s your mother, and she should be respected. I’m sure if she weren’t deaf, she would have picked on something else, but his mom sounds like a horrible person.”
“So you might want to think twice about a future with him because if he can’t stand up for you now, he’s never going to do it.” – NaturesVividPictures
Others questioned if Carlos and his mother should even be in the OP’s life.
“Ummm… No. ALWAYS defend your mom against ableists like Rosa. Ditch the boyfriend while you’re at it. They’re all gross.” – kmflushing
“Why on earth are you with a ‘man’ who not only allows that disgusting behavior towards your own mother, but gets mad at YOU for putting a stop to it? You did HIS job for him!”
“They are both trash. Apple and Tree.” – Dragonwyck13
“Saying it, knowing that OP’s mum can’t hear but everyone else can, makes her a special kind of trash. Next time, put it on Carlos, too. ‘Control your mother, or you can both get out’ would do nicely.” – Beth21286
“NTA. But Carlos and his mother are definitely AHs. Why would you stay in a relationship with someone who allows his family to be so disrespectful to yours? This should be a dealbreaker.” – ComprehensivePut5569
“If I were dating someone and they made fun of a disabled person or mocked them or did anything towards them that is a ‘joke,’ I’D DUMP THEM SO FAST, THEIR HEAD WOULD SPIN!”
“It is never acceptable to be mean to others (first). It’s definitely not ok to be a d*ck to disabled folks. It is NEVER acceptable to be rude to someone’s family in their own home.”
“Being rude to waitstaff gives me the ick. Being rude or mean to my family, you better leave or I’m going to hurt you.” – oldtimehawkey
“NTA. You should not have invited her to your mother’s birthday celebration, but you obviously know that now.”
“I don’t understand why you are still with your boyfriend, though. He said that you embarrassed his mother? What the f**k? She straight up said that a deaf, mute person should just learn to talk like a normal person. She embarrassed herself. She is the epitome of ignorance.”
“You cannot possibly think that your boyfriend is the person that you should spend your life with?” – chez2202
“Wow, so your boyfriend and his mother think it’s okay to bully somebody who is physically impaired? Can you see how terrible that actually is? I think you already know how bad this was, and there’s no way to dress it up as being okay.” – PerfectCover1414
“Her Mom deserves better than everyone in this story. She has a daughter who won’t stand up for her and has allowed her boyfriend and his horrible mother to bully her for two years.”
“There is NO WAY I would allow ANYONE to disrespect someone that cruelly in front of me, LET ALONE my mother!!! No amount of loneliness is worth sitting back and allowing bullying to exist in my presence.” – AsleepJuggernaut2066
The subReddit was disgusted by how the OP’s mother had been treated and how long it took the OP to do something about it.
Perhaps one or two meals together with a passing remark might have been understandable, in case they were due to miscommunications or misunderstandings. Still, after that, it was a pattern that the OP observed and allowed for far too long without speaking up.
The fact that the OP’s boyfriend sided with his mother and her behavior over being called out on it spoke volumes, and the OP needed to decide what was more important: respect for herself and for her mother, or to continue having the current boyfriend and not have to go back into dating.
Hopefully, she would make the right choice.