When we all finally purchase a home of our own, we get to choose where anything and everything goes.
Some of us wait a whole lifetime for that chance.
So it can be an issue when someone tries to take over the moment.
Redditor justtuna wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my mother it’s my house not hers?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I just bought my first house.”
“It’s a small log cabin style house made out of old cypress logs and oak.”
“It’s my dream house and I absolutely love it.”
“I started moving my stuff in and once I finished my mom and dad came over to help me unpack everything and decorate.”
“Now I always loved going to state parks and going into the small natural museums.”
“I wanted my home to pay homage to my natural area which is mainly bayous and rivers.”
“So I have driftwood and pelts from different native animals as well as mounted native fish and it looks like a museum inside.”
“I have arrowheads and other things I’ve found in our area and I love the feel and vibe of the home.”
“I also like to make wine so a good portion of my house is also dedicated to wine and other spirits.”
“My mother however doesn’t like that my house is basically all brown on the inside with very little ‘color.'”
“She is an artist and so doesn’t like how it’s so ‘bland.'”
“While they were helping me set everything up, she kept moving things around that I would set up and say it looks better this way.”
“But to me it didn’t.”
“After the first few times I was getting annoyed cause she kept doing it even though I’d say I liked it the way it was.”
“Finally it came time for the centerpiece of my house to go in and she refused to help me put it up because to her it ‘didn’t look right.'”
“I finally snapped and said ‘Mom this is my house, not yours. It doesn’t matter if you like it or not.'”
“‘What matters is that I like it as it’s my house.'”
“When I said that she started crying and left my house with my dad.”
“She called me saying that she was only trying to help and give me a woman’s perspective as she didn’t feel a woman would be comfortable there.”
“She said I was acting like an a**hole while she was only trying to help.”
“I said I appreciate her efforts but I want my house to be comfortable for me not to accommodate others.”
“At that she hung up and said she wouldn’t help me with my house until I see reason.”
“It’s been a few days since we spoke and I’m wondering if maybe she is right and I was an a**hole when she was just trying to help.”
“So am I the a**hole here?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA, it’s your house not hers.”
“You have to be comfortable there.”
“She wanted it to be an extension of her, like she see’s you.”
“Enjoy your home and live our life!” ~ GlitteringPaint899
“NTA. From an (at least one) artist’s perspective, brown is absolutely interesting and a fun color to work with!”
“And no fish or animal pelt is completely brown, or all the same shade of brown.”
“You’ve got a very creative and natural theme to your house, and I’m sure it’s lovely!”
“It’s certainly better than one of those truly monotone McMansions.”
“She needs to chill.”
“If she REALLY wants to add something traditionally colorful to YOUR home.”
“She should get you a landscape painting of the local area.”
“It sounds like she didn’t mean anything bad, but it’s your house, your vibe, and she isn’t even living with you (as opposed to a partner or children if you want either).”
“NTA and I’m glad you got your dream home.” ~ Deathsmallcaps42069
“NTA, the house sounds amazing!”
“My brain also immediately went to what the mom could have offered as a gift.”
“I was thinking maybe a small locally made wall quilt that would fit the cabin vibe and also give a pop of color.”
“But the house sounds gorgeous as is.” ~ Sharna_Pax
OP came back to add some details.
“Holy crap! I didn’t expect this many comments.”
“I was in my garden for a while and came back to a lot of messages and comments.”
“I want everyone to know that I appreciate y’all commenting and taking time out of your day to do so.”
“I’m very surprised by how many of the comments are from women saying they would or love the house.”
“One nice lady even said it gives me +3 attractiveness which is the best compliment I’ve gotten in a while so thanks for that ma’am.”
The comments continued to pour in.
“Oh hell no! NTA.”
“Your mum is amusingly controlling here.”
“If and when you have a serious relationship that woman can negotiate decoration style with you.”
“Until then, it’s a bachelor pad!” ~ Zorgas
“NTA. Your mom seems to think that she needs to put a feminine touch (or hers) on your house because she wants your potential partner to feel at home in your home.”
“I can understand that BUT this is not her house, she should give you her insight only when you asked for it.”
And the crying… not her best moment.” ~ greyhair_dont_care
“Go to her house and start re-arranging it and see what her thoughts are to that, bonus points if you do it when she is gone and with a friend to move all the furniture. NTA.” ~ myglasswasbigger
OP gave another update.
“I called my mother and stood my ground but did apologize for the tone.”
“She said that with me buying a house and moving all within a 3 week period was just a lot and that she just wanted to be a part of my house.”
“I guess what she meant was that she is sad to see me go and wanted a small piece of my house for her even though I didn’t like hearing that.”
“But I guess I kinda understand.”
“My dad just said son at least you don’t have to live with her anymore which did make me laugh and a little sad for the old man, but that is his ball of wax to deal with now.”
“I told them both I loved them and thanked them for helping me move in and get comfy.”
“I appreciate everyone who has commented.”
“I’ll leave the post open but most likely won’t be responding as I’ve gotten my answer from Reddit and I have remedied the situation like an adult.”
The OP also wanted to answer some of Reddit’s questions.
“Some Redditors are calling me the a**hole for ‘stealing artifacts.’ I want to clarify.”
“This bayou is old, very old and people were hunter-gatherers here.”
“A lot of people own land around this bayou and for us to fish it we have to go to an old family friend to launch a boat.”
“One day I saw under an old cypress knee a handful of arrowheads partially covered in soil.”
“It had been flooding and the bayou was up and must have uncovered them, but these were way more chipped than the ones I had seen at a local museum in the city.”
“So I grabbed them up and showed to my dad and the property owner.”
“The owner took me inside his house which had cabinet upon cabinet of artifacts he found on just his land.”
“He had them all authenticated and they belonged to an extinct hunter gatherer tribe from way before modern tribes of native peoples like the Choctaw peoples.”
“When I was older and in college I went to the local professor that taught natural history and he took them to show some other people that they all confirmed that these were old.”
“And judging by the design these arrowheads weren’t made from stone that was from here but from stones in the northern states.”
“I thought it was so cool and they actually told me if I wanted to know more I’d need to drive to poverty point and see for myself the artifacts they found from those ancient peoples.”
“They didn’t consider it stealing and I never have.”
“They would’ve washed away into the bayou and disappeared forever.”
“Now I’ll get to cherish them and pass them on.”
“Or I can donate them to a museum.”
“This was also not a heritage site.”
Well OP… you covered a lot of ground here.
Reddit was clearly glad to help with the situation, but you have it all under control.
Good luck in the new home and with the decorating.