Kids can be cruel.
Adults can also be cruel.
And words have deep effects.
Case in point…
Redditor angelic_milf wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for crying at a joke my kids made about my miscarriage?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (27 F[emale]) had a miscarriage about a year ago.”
“It really hurt me and I fell into a terrible depression.”
“My husband (31 M[ale]) tried his best to help me cope.”
“For a little backstory, we really wanted a second child after welcoming our daughter, even though the pregnancy was an accident.”
“I’ve always had many siblings and I’ve always wanted to have a lots of kids like my parents did, because family means a lot to me. “
“When I had the miscarriage, I felt like I was a disgrace for killing my baby.”
“I wish i could’ve given it an amazing life, like I’ve tried to with my daughter already.”
“I’m a lot better now though.”
“Well recently, all my progress on coping just washed down the drain.”
“My step son (12 M[ale]) and my daughter (7 F) came up to me one morning and pretended that my daughter was pregnant while she had a balloon under her shirt.”
“They were laughing about and playing until my step son stopped laughing and pulled out a thumb tack from his pocket and burst the balloon.”
“He said ‘whoops, the baby died.'”
“My mind went completely blank and all the memories from the past suddenly rushed back to me.”
“My husband came over and saw me and asked what was wrong and then I just burst into tears.”
“I ran off to our bedroom and cried for hours.”
“My husband irritatingly came and asked why I was crying.”
“I told him what happened and he just scoffed and said ‘Didn’t you get over your miscarriage? It happened over a year ago.'”
“He called me stupid for crying at a light hearted joke that my step son made only to make me laugh.”
“He said I should’ve been appreciative that our kids were just trying to cheer me up and I should just ‘suck it up.'”
“So, AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA, you aren’t an a**hole for having emotions about a traumatic event.”
“I’m sure your kids didn’t mean to hurt you, but your partner sounds like an absolute AH.” ~ PurpurinDeath
“He’s 12 years old and he watched his step mom cry the first time over the loss of her baby.”
“’My step-son stopped laughing, walked over and pulled out a thumb tac and popped the balloon and said, whoops! Your baby died!’”
“Then looked right at OP…”
“Do kids his age make jokes in bad taste?”
“Absolutely, but it wasn’t intentional?”
“Let’s not fool ourselves here.”
“His fathers attitude is also abysmal and I’m guessing it’s why he thought his little ‘joke’ would land.”
“I wonder how many times he’s said in front of his son, ‘I wish she would get over it.’”
“I’m not entirely blaming the kid because the attitude comes from somewhere but he should still have a punishment.”
“The husband, however, is a raging AH who needs help.” ~ justhewayouare
“To be fair, as a 12 year old if I saw my little brother playing with a balloon there was a decent likelihood I would be carrying around a thumbtack to try to pop it when I get a chance.”
“Doesn’t necessarily mean the kid was targeting OP with the result of it as much as the kid just wanted to pop a balloon.”
“And made an offhand remark after popping it that was in poor taste and in front of the wrong audience.” ~ TaintBiscuit101
“I can see my son making a similar joke and not knowing that it’s hurtful.”
“Kids are super smart, but they aren’t very good with abstract.”
“I had a miscarriage last year that my kids don’t know about.”
“I had a stillbirth a few years ago that they know about, but that I don’t think they fully comprehend/understand.”
“Twelve year olds are just starting to try to be edgy, and they get it wrong. A lot.”
“I can see them making a dead baby joke without linking it to a miscarriage a year ago.”
“I wouldn’t count this as malicious until you know it is for sure.” ~ One_Discipline_3868
“NTA, but I’m jumping on here to say that this sounds exactly like an episode of Bluey.”
“Bingo is pretending to be the mom and the balloon accidentally pops.”
“You see the dad put his hand sadly on the moms.”
“If your kids watch it they might have gotten the idea from there.”
“I don’t think your 12 year old had ill intentions.”
“Chances are they were just copying this show.” ~ waxyboymom
“Honestly was just about to say this.”
“You’re still grieving which is ok and not your fault, but your kids seem too young to know how that hurt you.”
“It might warrant a conversation with them about it to explain to them why you were upset.”
“The partners reaction though?”
“Don’t even get me started. NTA.” ~ hdawne12
“NTA. pardon?”
“Your husband sucks, I can see where your stepson gets his lack of empathy and manners.”
“Why would you stay with a man like that?” ~ user10167
“NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA xINFINITY!!!!!!!!”
“Holy crap, your step kids need to learn that what they just did was completely insensitive.”
“And your husband is a complete a**hole for saying that to you.”
“It’s alright to cry, this triggered your past memory and I am so sorry for your loss.”
“Hope you’re doing much better love!” ~ Miserable_Sorbet_688
“NTA. Being a dad who has gone through this situation, I can hand on heart say you are definitely NTA!”
“My wife miscarried nearly 3 years ago and we still both think about our first daughter every day.”
“Neither of us are over it and it’s highly unlikely we ever will be.”
“Yes it was a joke, but it was insensitive and your husband should understand that.”
“The kids were trying to help.”
“But didn’t understand the pain you’ve been through, maybe sit with them and talk it through, to help them understand your reaction.”
“As for your husband, I’m not sure what I can say.” ~ Big_Pete_78
“Whaaaaat?”
“I don’t blame the kids at all, well, your son is borderline old enough to have understood the miscarriage and known better, but your husband?!?!! WTF?”
“He really said those things?! I feel so bad for you.”
“Obviously NTA, and I’m so sorry for this sad situation made worse.” ~ Reasonable-Bear-1374
“One of the worst things about having a miscarriage is how lonely it feels to grieve for a child when no one else seems to give a crap.”
“I can forgive the 7 year old, but a 12 year old should have developed some empathy and know better.”
“Certainly, your 31 year old husband has had many years to develop empathy.”
“You should not have to justify to him why you are still grieving. “
“What an a**. I’m so sorry for your loss – you are definitely NTA.”
“I’ll also recommend r/miscarriage to talk to people who have been there x.” ~ BonneyMice
“NTA!!!! The seven year old is too young to really understand her actions, but the 12 year old is not!”
“My cousin had a still birth and a micropreemie who passed away at one month old when I was nine and I never would have thought something like this was appropriate or funny. “
“The fact that your husband condoned it and thinks you should have ‘gotten over’ your miscarriage speaks volumes about him.”
“Once again, you are NTA by any stretch of the imagination.” ~ WaywardMarauder
“NTA. A miscarriage is something really hard to go through.”
“My advice is having an open heart to heart conversation with your family about why those kind of jokes are not ok and are insensitive.”
“Your son is a child so he doesn’t know better yet, so don’t take it on him but explain him kindly that words have power.” ~ Existing-Kiwi-8426
“NTA grief is a process.”
“You simply grow to accommodate the loss, not diminish it.”
“It’s still just as large and empty as the first day of loss.”
“You’ve just learned for it not to hit you as brutally as it did the first few days/weeks/months.”
“Then it can be years, decades even.”
“When something takes you back to that very day and you relive the grief in all it’s freshness, just as angry, yawningly empty, and raw as the day of the loss.”
“No matter what the loss was, who they were and how they related to you, whether you knew them well or not at all.” ~ TrelanaSakuyo
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
This is a rough scenario.
So let’s just focus what to do next.
Rest and heal.