It’s important for parents to be there for their children.
But when those children grow up, the tables often turn, requiring children to be there for their parents.
Whether they come upon hard times, or have to make adjustments to their lives as they get older, there are times when children need to lend their parents a helping hand.
Redditor maybemothering found her life taking an unfortunate turn, but was lucky to have a daughter who opened her home to her to help her bounce back.
But the living situation became tense, when the original poster (OP) a took a very personal jab at her daughter.
Worried that she behaved inappropriately, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my daughter to make friends?”
The OP shared how she was immensely proud she was of her daughter, and how they came to be roommates.
“My (55 F[emale]) daughter Ellie (28 F[emale]) is a catch.”
‘She’s beautiful, brilliant, I mean genius smart, kind, and creative.”
“She’s the type of person to excel at anything and everything she does.”
“She’s never one to raise her voice or act inappropriately.”
“She’s pragmatic beyond her years and she’s a problem solver.”
“Her career is flourishing (IT security) and she pays all of the bills.”
“I’ve lived with her in her apartment for a year while I get back on my feet after a separation.”
However, there is one element of Ellie’s life which the OP disclosed had always weighed heavily on her mind.
“Ellie does have one problem: she has no friends (that I know of), except for her cat.”
“This is a choice as far as I can tell, as she usually doesn’t seem lonely or sad.”
“It seems as if she functions alone and is comfortable being that way.”
“I think she struggles to vocalize her feelings and she always has.”
“She’s never dated or seemed interested in it.”
“It worries me.”
“I know Ellie has a different personality and she’s pretty quiet and shy while I’ve always been a social butterfly.”
“But I see her at family functions and parties.”
“She looks uncomfortable and tends to keep to herself.”
“When she’s approached or spoken to, she chats normally and engages, but its brief.”
“Ellie never complains about it and seems to have a nice time if asked about it later.”
The OP found herself throwing this concern back right in Ellie’s face, however, when she denied the OP a request regarding the apartment.
“Well, yesterday I called and told her I was bringing someone home with me for the night.”
“She doesn’t care who I interact with, but I wanted some privacy.”
“I asked her to leave before I got there, but she told me she couldn’t as she had something to do for work.”
“I wound up coming home before my guest to confront her.”
“She was in her room listening to loud music and working on her computer.”
“I interrupted her and we got into a heated debate.”
“I feel like it’s unfair that she won’t give me the apartment to myself once in a while.”
“She said she has work to do and that she won’t get involved in whatever I do.”
“Eventually, I exploded and said that she wouldn’t understand my point of view because she has no friends or relationships and then I said that our family members judge her for it.”
“I told her everyone is always worried because she’s strange and distant.”
“She doesn’t wear her emotions on her sleeve, but I saw her face fall.”
“She gathered some clothes, a laptop, and left the apartment without saying anything.”
“I figured she needed to blow off some steam so I enjoyed my night.”
“She hadn’t come back since yesterday and she won’t answer her phone.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings but I just want her to open up and act normal once in a while.”
“I wanted to help my baby.”
The OP later clarified that she wasn’t concerned that Ellie would kick her out, as well as clearing some things up regarding Ellie’s social life.
“For people reading, she wouldn’t and won’t kick me out.”
“She gets nervous and retreats into herself and will shut everyone out so an argument or conversation will end.”
“She doesn’t like conflict.”
“She isn’t completely without a social life.”
“She has three older brothers (all married with children) with whom she shares strong bonds.”
“She looks up to them and seems to think the world of them.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was very much the a**hole for the way she treated Ellie.
Everyone agreed the OP’s behavior was completely out of line, and she had no right to ask Ellie to leave her own home.
“Where do I begin?”
“You’re living in her place.”
“You don’t get to ask her to leave her own apartment because you want to have a friend over.”
“She agreed to stay in her room and leave the two of you alone; that’s the most you can expect or hope for, especially since . . .”
“She had work to do.”
“Her work is more important than your social activities, especially since (see above) she’s paying all the bills.”
“Don’t bother trying to pretend you were trying to ‘help’ her by providing constructive criticism about her social life.”
“You ‘exploded and said that she wouldn’t understand my point of view because she has no friends or relationships’.”
“You got angry and lashed out, specifically to hurt her.”
“I think you’re extremely fortunate that she left.”
“if I were her, I’d have thrown you out.”- SamSpayedPI.
“YTA and you didn’t wanna ‘help your baby’, you wanted to get laid.”
“Guess what not everyone wants friends.”
“She sounds like an introvert and nothing wrong with that.”
“Your wanting to get laid doesn’t trump her doing work in HER room.”- Professional_Froyo34.
“YTA – that is HER home.”
“You are a GUEST.”
“You had ZERO right to ask her to leave so you could have someone over.”
“On top of that, you then SHAMED her for living her life on her terms, to the point she had to leave her home just to get away from you.”
“That’s your daughter. “
“What the actual f*ck is wrong with you?”-chagle77.
“You sound like the child in this post lol”
“It’s unfair that she wont give you time in HER apartment in which she’s paying for everything?”
“Go freaking drink coffee at Starbucks with your friend, let her work in peace.”
“Are u 15?”
“I’m dumbfounded lol.”
“You just wanted to hurt her feelings, you didn’t want to help her lol if you wanted to then you would’ve spoken to her like a concerned mother another time.”- ItsNa_Na.
“YTA in so many ways.”
“You may think she’s a ‘catch’ but perhaps she’s perfectly happy not being caught? “
“You’re staying in HER apartment and you kicked her out so you could get laid?”
“I hope she comes home to take care of her cat and take out the giant human trash bag that you are.”- TemptingPenguin369.
“You didn’t want to help your ‘baby’.”
“She’s 28 not a baby.”
“You wanted privacy for a booty call and were willing to hurt your daughter to get it.”
“Also sorry but work is more important than getting laid.”- FirekeeperAnnwyl.
“You’re living in your daughter’s apartment for free and you think she should get out of her own home so you can have a sex life?”
“Then you take that opportunity to slam her because her social life doesn’t live up to your standards?”
“You are a really awful mother and you should get out like yesterday.”
“Don’t express your opinion unless you are asked for it.”-KickIt77.
“YTA by a million.”
“You don’t care that she’s quiet or anything else.”
“You wanted to get your freak on in HER apartment and had no other way to kick her out.”
“YOU ARE SO OUT OF LINE! “
“She should kick you out for this.”
“You sound like you’re a terribly annoying person and a bad mother.”
“And please, be honest.”
“You WANTED to hurt her feelings.”
“You WANTED her to feel bad and leave.”
“That was your only motivation her, that’s why you were able to ‘enjoy yourself’ and not run after your kid to make sure she was okay.”
Upon reading the many comments criticizing her behavior, a repentant OP later returned to apologize, and vowed she would make things right with Ellie.
“I get it…. I’m a huge asshole.”
“My daughter is okay and is coming back.”
“I will prostrate myself with as many apologies as she’s willing to hear.”
The OP’s behavior was very strange indeed, considering how her daughter opened her home to her.
Here’s hoping their relationship doesn’t suffer too much from this unfortunate episode.